Glenn Beck Calls His Penis a 'Winkie'

My deepest apologies in advance—I didn't meant mean to hurt you. It is my sorry duty to report that Glenn Beck, a grown man, uses the word "winkie" to describe his penis and the penises of other men. » 11/07/14 6:50pm 11/07/14 6:50pm

Houston's Lesbian Mayor Is Getting Flooded With Protest Bibles

Houston mayor Annise Parker has been sent between 500 and 1,000 Bibles at her home, part of a bizarre protest effort orchestrated by Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz, and with enthusiastic support from Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. That quartet of geniuses claims that Parker, Houston's first openly gay mayor, is spearheading… » 10/29/14 12:50pm 10/29/14 12:50pm

Glenn Beck's The Blaze Aired a Horrifying Rape Sketch

Glenn Beck's black box theater of the puerile moron is back with another "controversial" and "edgy" performance, only this time, it's not Beck playing with dolls or complaining about Obama through film noir. Here, Beck dispatches The Blaze's Stu Burguiere to mock sexual assault statistics. Safe to say, it's absolutely… » 5/28/14 1:15pm 5/28/14 1:15pm

Here's the Amazing Glenn Beck Film Noir You Never Asked For

It's a good day for appreciators of True Art. Conservative radio host Glenn Beck has taken another incredible step towards becoming one of the most promising and exciting performance artists in the world with his latest project, a modern day film noir so fraught with social and political commentary that it makes The… » 2/05/14 2:15pm 2/05/14 2:15pm

Glenn Beck Supports Melissa Harris-Perry and The World is Crazy

It's been a heady two weeks for MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry, but she found an unexpected ally in right wing talking head Glenn Beck. Following her show's controversial comments about Mitt Romney's adopted black grandson and tearful apology, Beck supported Harris-Perry on his own show and even chastised her… » 1/07/14 1:30pm 1/07/14 1:30pm

Glenn Beck's Website Tainted by Ads Showing Gay Men Kissing

Glenn Beck's "news" conglomerate The Blaze might not have a firm stance on gay marriage, as it's a company that is "not interested in left and right" but looks to find the "answers to right and wrong." That being said, placing a video ad for HBO's forthcoming show Looking about the lives of gay men in San Francisco on… » 12/30/13 12:10pm 12/30/13 12:10pm

Glenn Beck Threatens to Put All Your Most Hated People In One Room

Ever wondered what hanging out in Hell would feel like? Then, boy, do I have good news for you! Glistening tear biscuit Glenn Beck has recently teased that he is organizing a conservative summit that might include the likes of Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. All under one roof! Oh, and the chairs will be… » 12/18/13 3:30pm 12/18/13 3:30pm

Kathie Lee and Glenn Beck Are Sitting in a Tree R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N-I-N-G

Kathie Lee Gifford has recently made the bold move to expand her brand outside of her morning drunk fest with Hoda (who, by the way, will not be leaving the show, praise the Lord) by starting her own podcast called Kathie Lee and Company. Speaking of the Lord: She spent the good part of an hour Wednesday talking to… » 11/13/13 6:00pm 11/13/13 6:00pm

Glenn Beck Seriously Compared Paula Deen to Martin Luther King Jr.

Chances are you've been plagued with a feeling that you forgot something ever since last week (check your bag: wallet, phone, keys — they're all there), but let me put your mind at ease. You haven't forgotten anything at all. What it is that's missing from your life — what it is that's missing from all of our lives,… » 6/27/13 4:45pm 6/27/13 4:45pm

Atheist Tornado Survivor Sparks Crazy-Juice Fueled Religious Debate

Four days after a more than 1-mile wide tornado ravaged Oklahoma, the media is awash with victims-standing-in-front-of-their-ruined-houses interviews. CNN's Wolf Blitzer was in the midst of conducting such an interview with Rebecca Vitsmun, who escaped her collapsing home with her 19-month-old son. After proclaiming… » 5/24/13 3:40pm 5/24/13 3:40pm

King Cry-Potato Glenn Beck Wants to Build an Ayn Rand Theme Park

Glenn Beck, champion of even-keeled ideas, has a great plan to ruin your summer vacation and/or life with a new planned community/theme park hybrid called Independence, USA. Independence, USA will combine the long lines of Disney World with the Christmas light regulations of the suburbs or, in Beck's own words, the… » 1/15/13 11:10am 1/15/13 11:10am

Megan Fox Will No Longer Strip Onscreen Now That She's a Mom

Although it certainly raises the question of precisely what kind of roles Megan Fox will get that involve keeping her clothes on, Megan Fox will be keeping her clothes on in movies for awhile so that her baby son Noah doesn't get teased about it when he gets older: » 12/07/12 9:00am 12/07/12 9:00am

God Planning to Use Magic to Help Romney Win Election, Says Glenn Beck

Great analysis on the state of the Presidential race today, this time from hollering chalkboard assailant Glenn Beck. Turns out, everything you thought about Mitt Romney's anemic poll numbers is wrong. Romney's not falling behind because fewer people plan on voting for him; according to Beck, he's falling behind… » 10/01/12 7:20pm 10/01/12 7:20pm

Glenn Beck Pouts About How American Airlines Was Mean to Him

Glenn Beck, the media personality who made being a recovering alcoholic his on-air shtick, used his radio show Wednesday to tell his 8 million listeners that an American Airlines flight attendant was rude to him because of his political persuasion, as if Glenn Beck was the first person ever to realize that air travel… » 9/06/12 9:30am 9/06/12 9:30am

Glenn Beck-Produced, Homo-Free Version of Musical Theater to Feature…

Professional jerk Glenn Beck sure does admire Glee, but he hates the show's "everyone get along and be gay all over if you want" message. In response, he's going to use the $12 bajillion dollars he got in exchange for selling his eternal soul to Rupert Murdoch's wrinkled skin suit to produce a star-studded, expensive, » 6/19/12 4:15pm 6/19/12 4:15pm

Hilary Duff Accused of Terrorizing Innocent Civilians with Her Range…

A woman named Rachel Owens filed a lawsuit against Hilary Duff today, claiming the actress "plowed into her car" back in 2010, causing "great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering." According to TMZ, Owens is suing for unspecified damages, claiming that her injuries from the Duff-induced accident have… » 6/18/12 8:00pm 6/18/12 8:00pm

Santorum Reaches New Low, Calls Obama a Bad Dad for Letting Malia…

It's usually Mitt Romney that gets compared to a robot, but it's beginning to seem highly likely that Rick Santorum is actually the one that was created in a lab. Perhaps he was designed by evil scientists (from the future!) specifically to say the most annoying possible thing in any given situation—like those… » 3/20/12 11:15pm 3/20/12 11:15pm

Glenn Beck Loves Michele Bachmann, Hates Children

Easily flustered incoherent homophobe Michele Bachmann was the guest on Glenn Beck's radio program yesterday, and the two of them agreed that the 8-year-old who recently told the Presidential candidate that his gay moms didn't need fixing was put up to it by a couple of shameless lesbians bent on ruining America.… » 12/08/11 4:10pm 12/08/11 4:10pm

Glenn Beck Thinks Michelle Obama's Behind The New Biracial, "Gay"…

When Michelle Obama isn't carrying out her duties as First Lady, she's conspiring with the writers of the Ultimate Spider-Man comic book series to destroy America for racists like Glenn Beck who don't want to see a non-white Spider-Man. » 8/04/11 10:23pm 8/04/11 10:23pm