Sup, Stoners? The Girl Scout Cookie Oven Is Here For Your Baking Needs

Just when you thought Girl Scout cookie season was over, those devious little munchkins have come up with a new and exciting way to take all your money and force you to buy a whole new wardrobe of sweatpants and attractive floral print muumuus: They've developed a toy oven that bakes your favorite cookies year round. »2/24/15 3:45pm2/24/15 3:45pm

Girl Scouts to Release New Cookie Flavors, Blow Your Goddamned Mind

The Girl Scouts are coming and this year, they are going to fuck up everything about your life with three new cookie flavors—two of which are gluten-free. Paging Phyllis Neffler, how many boxes will you be selling this year? More importantly, how many boxes can I eat without incurring diabetes? Because, let me be real… »1/05/15 3:20pm1/05/15 3:20pm

Finally: The Girl Scout Cookie Finding App of Your Dreams

In the old days, childless adults who wanted to get their Thin Mint on would have to seek out Girl Scout Cookies the ancient way: by approaching strange children on the street and asking them if they had any cookies, or by hanging out near elementary schools after the closing bell rang in hopes that one of the little… »2/24/14 6:20pm2/24/14 6:20pm

A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… »1/30/14 6:00pm1/30/14 6:00pm

Pastor's Epic Rant: Girl Scout Cookies Turn The Children Into Lesbians

In addition to promoting team building, life skill acquiring, and adorable little girls in adorable matching uniforms photo ops, the Girl Scouts of America have long had a much more insidious agenda: promoting lesbianism. At least, if you ask a right-wing pastor who went on an epic, hilariously whackadoodle rant… »10/22/13 12:40pm10/22/13 12:40pm

Love Girl Scout Cookies and Being Drunk? Get Up on This Cookie Beer

Girl Scout Season officially came to an end on Sunday — there, there. It's gonna be OK, because we've got word of something even better — Girl Scout Cookie-inspired beers! Finally, we can feel guilty about finishing off an entire keg of Thin Mint beer while watching Burning Love! Evening plans, done and doner. »3/18/13 11:15pm3/18/13 11:15pm

Monster/Genius Charged with Stealing Nearly $20K Worth of Girl Scout Cookies

Thirty-seven-year-old South Carolina man Christopher Maurice Morton has been charged with stealing nearly $19 thousand worth of Girl Scout cookies from a warehouse in Spartanburg. The theft was noticed on February 26th when workers at the Carey Moving and Storage company did inventory and discovered that over 50 cases… »3/07/13 10:25am3/07/13 10:25am