Sup, Stoners? The Girl Scout Cookie Oven Is Here For Your Baking Needs

Just when you thought Girl Scout cookie season was over, those devious little munchkins have come up with a new and exciting way to take all your money and force you to buy a whole new wardrobe of sweatpants and attractive floral print muumuus: They've developed a toy oven that bakes your favorite cookies year round. » 2/24/15 3:45pm Tuesday 3:45pm

Girl Scouts to Release New Cookie Flavors, Blow Your Goddamned Mind

The Girl Scouts are coming and this year, they are going to fuck up everything about your life with three new cookie flavors—two of which are gluten-free. Paging Phyllis Neffler, how many boxes will you be selling this year? More importantly, how many boxes can I eat without incurring diabetes? Because, let me be real… » 1/05/15 3:20pm 1/05/15 3:20pm

Finally: The Girl Scout Cookie Finding App of Your Dreams

In the old days, childless adults who wanted to get their Thin Mint on would have to seek out Girl Scout Cookies the ancient way: by approaching strange children on the street and asking them if they had any cookies, or by hanging out near elementary schools after the closing bell rang in hopes that one of the little… » 2/24/14 6:20pm 2/24/14 6:20pm

A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… » 1/30/14 6:00pm 1/30/14 6:00pm

Pastor's Epic Rant: Girl Scout Cookies Turn The Children Into Lesbians

In addition to promoting team building, life skill acquiring, and adorable little girls in adorable matching uniforms photo ops, the Girl Scouts of America have long had a much more insidious agenda: promoting lesbianism. At least, if you ask a right-wing pastor who went on an epic, hilariously whackadoodle rant… » 10/22/13 12:40pm 10/22/13 12:40pm

Love Girl Scout Cookies and Being Drunk? Get Up on This Cookie Beer

Girl Scout Season officially came to an end on Sunday — there, there. It's gonna be OK, because we've got word of something even better — Girl Scout Cookie-inspired beers! Finally, we can feel guilty about finishing off an entire keg of Thin Mint beer while watching Burning Love! Evening plans, done and doner. » 3/18/13 11:15pm 3/18/13 11:15pm

Monster/Genius Charged with Stealing Nearly $20K Worth of Girl Scout…

Thirty-seven-year-old South Carolina man Christopher Maurice Morton has been charged with stealing nearly $19 thousand worth of Girl Scout cookies from a warehouse in Spartanburg. The theft was noticed on February 26th when workers at the Carey Moving and Storage company did inventory and discovered that over 50 cases… » 3/07/13 10:25am 3/07/13 10:25am

What Kind of Girl Scout Cookie Are You?

Think today is another normal, boring Friday? You couldn't be more wrong. Today, February 8th, 2013, is National Girl Scout Cookie Day and the official start of Girl Scout cookie season. Break out your green berets, your static-y VHS tape of of Troop Beverly Hills, and your elastic waistbands, because we've just… » 2/08/13 11:30am 2/08/13 11:30am

Girl Scout Cookie Candy Bars Are Really Happening, People

It's not often that all of your dreams come true in a single moment, but that is exactly what is about to happen because—are you ready for this?—Girl Scout Cookie Candy Bars are now an actual thing that you can eat with your mouth. We previously drooled when this photo of a thin mint candy bar leaked, yet we could not… » 5/09/12 9:30am 5/09/12 9:30am

This Is What Happens When You Try to Steal a Girl Scout's Cookie Money

A pair of men who stole cookie money from a Houston area Girl Scout troop got a little more than they bargained for when one of the girls punched one cookie thief in the face and another girl held onto the car as it drove away. The perps are still at large, but they best move far, far away and change their names lest… » 3/05/12 1:10pm 3/05/12 1:10pm

Girl Scouts Boycott Cookie Sale Over Right to Pee Outdoors

Several Girl Scout troops in northeastern Ohio won't be selling cookies this season because they're protesting an effort by regional leaders to close a few "rustic" scout camps and replace them with new modernized facilities. Unlike the old camps, the new buildings would feature indoor plumbing. Rebecca Shaffer, the… » 1/11/12 9:30am 1/11/12 9:30am