Oprah's 'Favorite Things' Will Run You $13,054

Oprah, who future civilizations will look back upon and assume was our queen, has released her annual "Favorite Things" list. Long gone are the days when we witnessed the unveiling of this rich lady fantasy on-air as a lucky studio audience of women had controlled brain aneurisms. Now, we must be content with clicking… » 11/05/14 3:45pm 11/05/14 3:45pm

Buy a Fried Chicken Scented Candle for the Dieting Relative You Hate

There is now, thanks to the dual triumph of American gluttony AND ingenuity, a scented candle that, when set aflame, gives off the sweet, crispy aroma of fried chicken. The hapless victims of your gifting laziness at least deserve a candle that will start a few awkward conversations and trick them into thinking… » 11/24/13 3:30pm 11/24/13 3:30pm

Your Official Last-Minute Guide to Last-Minute Mother’s Day Gifts

Fuck, you forgot that it’s Mother’s Day, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking of trying to play it off with a quick phone call and an impromptu recitation of a found poem you’ve cobbled together from an old modernism anthology that you only half-read. Your mom will see right through that, of course, and she’ll be… » 5/12/13 5:00pm 5/12/13 5:00pm

Passive-Aggressive Gifts for Your Horrible Mother-in-Law

You don't get to choose your family. And so sometimes we wind up in families with people who are...less than choose-worthy. Then again, a lot of people have a lot of mother-in-laws that they like a lot! Because mother-in-laws are a lot like people (some legends hold that they actually are people!!!), which means that… » 11/24/12 2:00pm 11/24/12 2:00pm

Anthropologie: Holiday Shopping for the People You Hate

Ah, Anthropologie. It's the place you turn to when Urban Outfitters starts to feel too twee and you still can't afford real designer shit. You're in that in-between space, Anthropologie's sweet spot, and the store makes its riches by selling rags — and we fall for it hook, line, and adorable sinker rain boots (tm).… » 11/23/12 10:00am 11/23/12 10:00am

Holiday Gifts for the Truly Charitable Do-Gooder in Your Life

What do you, the most unabashedly selfish and inconsiderate member of your friend group, buy this holiday season for that one person in your life whose giving is not restricted by our Gregorian calendar? To defeat the charitable people in the world, we must first understand the charitable people in the world, and the… » 11/22/12 2:00pm 11/22/12 2:00pm