Gifts for the Parent Who's Disappointed in You

It’s easy to buy a gift for the parent who likes you. A mom or dad who adores you will likely adore anything you get them—no matter how shitty the gift is—simply because it came from their beloved child. A far greater challenge is finding the perfect gift for the parent who is actively disappointed in you and the way… »Wednesday 3:00pm11/25/15 3:00pm


Gifts For the Oblivious Babies In Your Life

Babies and small children, unfortunately, are ill-equipped to fully appreciate Christmas. Their little hands can’t hold things, nor can they grasp the concept of gifts. They’re built that way, and it’s no one’s fault. While their lack of comprehension doesn’t render them completely useless, it does make it hard to… »Wednesday 1:00pm11/25/15 1:00pm

Gifts for the Athlete Who Cannot Be Contained By a Gym

I hate the gym. Hate is, perhaps, a strong word, but I certainly and adamantly prefer not to be inside one. Unless a person is a fan of group fitness classes, they’re basically misery caves, especially in the winter— sweaty, air saturated with aspirated moisture from the pores of other humans, exertion sounds,… »Tuesday 2:40pm11/24/15 2:40pm

Gifts for the Murderous Fashion Fiend

From Zoolander to The Devil Wears Prada, pop culture has cast hardcore fashion people as sadistic, unapologetic, demanding monsters. While that’s not totally true overall, they can be awfully hard to please during the gifting season, if only because they have everything and are over it. If you can’t afford to buy out… »11/20/15 4:20pm11/20/15 4:20pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your BFF This Year?

The holidays are the only one time of the year when you can drop all those no let me pay, no really, I got it this time pretensions with your nearest and dearest and get them a gift that truly says 'I'm glad I didn't believe to all that shitty gossip about you that I spread back in the eighth grade because you are… »11/28/13 2:00pm11/28/13 2:00pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your Lov-ah This Year?

This time Thursday you'll likely be sitting down with a heaping pile of food with some people you want to kill even though you have the same genes. But maybe you'll be sitting down with people you want to kill that you don't have the same genes as because they're your significant other's family. Despite that… »11/27/13 5:40pm11/27/13 5:40pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your Mom This Holiday Season?

It's November 25 — exactly one month until Christmas, exactly one month to watch Elf on repeat — and even if you think the gift-giving season shouldn't officially start until the turkey dinner has been reduced to leftovers, it's already happening. Black Friday and Cyber Monday — why even wait for those? Everyone's got… »11/25/13 4:45pm11/25/13 4:45pm

Your Official Last-Minute Guide to Last-Minute Mother’s Day Gifts

Fuck, you forgot that it’s Mother’s Day, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking of trying to play it off with a quick phone call and an impromptu recitation of a found poem you’ve cobbled together from an old modernism anthology that you only half-read. Your mom will see right through that, of course, and she’ll be… »5/12/13 5:00pm5/12/13 5:00pm