​Gifts for People Who Refuse to Embrace New Technology

My dear mom is in possession of a cellular phone—let's call it an iPhone—and yet you would not know it because she never picks up the cellular phone and because she frequently forgets the cellular phone at home. Just a couple weeks ago, she said something along the lines of, "What do I need a phone for?" » 12/18/14 6:10pm 12/18/14 6:10pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your BFF This Year?

The holidays are the only one time of the year when you can drop all those no let me pay, no really, I got it this time pretensions with your nearest and dearest and get them a gift that truly says 'I'm glad I didn't believe to all that shitty gossip about you that I spread back in the eighth grade because you are… » 11/28/13 2:00pm 11/28/13 2:00pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your Lov-ah This Year?

This time Thursday you'll likely be sitting down with a heaping pile of food with some people you want to kill even though you have the same genes. But maybe you'll be sitting down with people you want to kill that you don't have the same genes as because they're your significant other's family. Despite that… » 11/27/13 5:40pm 11/27/13 5:40pm

Reader Gift Guide: What Are You Getting Your Mom This Holiday Season?

It's November 25 — exactly one month until Christmas, exactly one month to watch Elf on repeat — and even if you think the gift-giving season shouldn't officially start until the turkey dinner has been reduced to leftovers, it's already happening. Black Friday and Cyber Monday — why even wait for those? Everyone's got… » 11/25/13 4:45pm 11/25/13 4:45pm

Your Official Last-Minute Guide to Last-Minute Mother’s Day Gifts

Fuck, you forgot that it’s Mother’s Day, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking of trying to play it off with a quick phone call and an impromptu recitation of a found poem you’ve cobbled together from an old modernism anthology that you only half-read. Your mom will see right through that, of course, and she’ll be… » 5/12/13 5:00pm 5/12/13 5:00pm

Valentine's Day Provisions For The Deeply Ambivalent

As we're all aware by now, the modern incarnation of Valentine's Day is nothing more than a consumer fabrication to get us to splash out on Godiva chocolate and a bouquet of Birds of Paradise for the person we hump on the regs. However, for those of us who are single, it can still be a crappy benchmark of the… » 2/09/13 2:30pm 2/09/13 2:30pm

Holiday Gift Guide: What to Buy Malcontents and Misanthropes

Unfortunately, the holidays are here. The sooner we purchase presents for our favorite sad sacks, the faster they can sigh "thanks?" and we can all get back to our miserable little lives. So here's what to buy the grumpiest, grouchiest hateful little monsters in your life. If you have the sick need to keep these… » 11/25/12 2:30pm 11/25/12 2:30pm

Holiday Gift Guide: What to Buy Your Favorite Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl! We all know one, but that doesn't necessarily mean we know what to buy her for the holidays. What's the perfect gift for the free spirit who lives to inspire, dance in the rain and experience each moment with childlike wonder? Turns out that there are lots of great things. Let's have a… » 11/24/12 6:00pm 11/24/12 6:00pm

Passive-Aggressive Gifts for Your Horrible Mother-in-Law

You don't get to choose your family. And so sometimes we wind up in families with people who are...less than choose-worthy. Then again, a lot of people have a lot of mother-in-laws that they like a lot! Because mother-in-laws are a lot like people (some legends hold that they actually are people!!!), which means that… » 11/24/12 2:00pm 11/24/12 2:00pm

Holiday Gift Guide: What to Buy Your Smug Married Friends

As you get older, you will probably find that more and more of your friends are falling in love with each other and tying the knot. Despite this being a practice that human beings have done for thousands of years, the newlyweds in your life will quite possibly act annoyingly smug and proud about their nuptials, but —… » 11/23/12 2:15pm 11/23/12 2:15pm

Anthropologie: Holiday Shopping for the People You Hate

Ah, Anthropologie. It's the place you turn to when Urban Outfitters starts to feel too twee and you still can't afford real designer shit. You're in that in-between space, Anthropologie's sweet spot, and the store makes its riches by selling rags — and we fall for it hook, line, and adorable sinker rain boots (tm).… » 11/23/12 10:00am 11/23/12 10:00am

The Ultimate Gift Guide for Crafty DIY-ers

Got some crafty people on your holiday gift list? Fear not — a present like one of these is bound to please even the pickiest of Do It Yourselfers. (And — self-interested bonus! — it virtually guarantees years of awesome knitted/crocheted/sewn or otherwise home-built gifts for you in turn.) » 11/22/12 4:15pm 11/22/12 4:15pm

A good pair of scissors…

Holiday Gifts for the Truly Charitable Do-Gooder in Your Life

What do you, the most unabashedly selfish and inconsiderate member of your friend group, buy this holiday season for that one person in your life whose giving is not restricted by our Gregorian calendar? To defeat the charitable people in the world, we must first understand the charitable people in the world, and the… » 11/22/12 2:00pm 11/22/12 2:00pm