With Hannukkah upon us and Christmas right around the corner, we received a plea from a reader to tackle gifts for girls. Read… 12/05/13 3:45pm Thursday 3:45pm

Fuck, you forgot that it’s Mother’s Day, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking of trying to play it off with a quick phone call and an impromptu recitation of a found poem you’ve cobbled together from an old modernism anthology that you only half-read. Your mom will see right through that, of course, and she’ll be… Read… 5/12/13 5:00pm 5/12/13 5:00pm

As we're all aware by now, the modern incarnation of Valentine's Day is nothing more than a consumer fabrication to get us to splash out on Godiva chocolate and a bouquet of Birds of Paradise for the person we hump on the regs. However, for those of us who are single, it can still be a crappy benchmark of the… Read… 2/09/13 2:30pm 2/09/13 2:30pm

Unfortunately, the holidays are here. The sooner we purchase presents for our favorite sad sacks, the faster they can sigh "thanks?" and we can all get back to our miserable little lives. So here's what to buy the grumpiest, grouchiest hateful little monsters in your life. If you have the sick need to keep these people… Read… 11/25/12 2:30pm 11/25/12 2:30pm

You don't get to choose your family. And so sometimes we wind up in families with people who are...less than choose-worthy. Then again, a lot of people have a lot of mother-in-laws that they like a lot! Because mother-in-laws are a lot like people (some legends hold that they actually are people!!!), which means that… Read… 11/24/12 2:00pm 11/24/12 2:00pm

Your favorite budding feminist's name will go down in HERtory if you buy her these awesome gifts, we swear! At the very least, she'll never say she's "not a feminist, but..." again. Read… 11/23/12 5:45pm 11/23/12 5:45pm

Shopping for an out-of-work Eeyore? Or a glass-half-full Pollyanna? Or some other children's-entertainment metaphor about being unemployed? A lot of people are slogging through joblessness this holiday season, and I'll bet they could use a little cheer right about now. Even if your friend isn't in dire,… Read… 11/21/12 6:00pm 11/21/12 6:00pm

The world is a terrifying place where literally anything could go wrong at literally any moment. And if your Christmas list includes the sort of person whose idea of a dream home includes a nuclear fallout shelter-cum-Y2K bunker-cum-biological attack shack, you're going to give them something to assuage their… Read… 11/21/12 1:35pm 11/21/12 1:35pm

When we asked for suggestions on what sort of gift a person might buy for a dejected Republican, most of the suggestions went something like this — "A CLUE AND A PLANE TICKET TO SOMALIA OR THE INSIDE OF MY BUTTHOLE!" Well, a clue won't fit in my future in-laws stockings, and I'm afraid buying a conservative college chum… Read… 11/20/12 6:30pm 11/20/12 6:30pm

Stumped about what to buy your favorite self-proclaimed slut? Sure, you could get her lingerie and a vibrator (and, don't worry, there are some of the latter on this list), but she probably already has the essentials, right? Here are some more creative ideas for the friend who has no idea where (or with whom) she'll… Read… 11/20/12 3:00pm 11/20/12 3:00pm

What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want…to give your friend who thinks she's Rihanna. You know the type—at once glamorous and sporty; someone who can look sexy no matter how stupid her haircut is; someone who has an edgy playfulness and whose nails always look perfect. I'm putting together a gift guide and … Read… 11/19/12 1:20pm 11/19/12 1:20pm

We've all got a few in our lives. It might be raining pizza and gold doubloons and she'd be annoyed because she's lactose intolerant and the sky's grotesque flaunting of its supposed wealth is déclassé. IT IS FREE PIZZA AND MONEY. Seriously, you cannot please this woman! Read… 11/18/12 9:00pm 11/18/12 9:00pm

It is a truth universally acknowledged that most people have that one toxic barnacle of a human being that they can't seem to scrape off their leg. Perhaps it's the old college roommate who once chirped while watching you devour cheese fries, "Wow, you have to be sooo confident to eat like that!" Or an ex-boyfriend… Read… 11/18/12 6:00pm 11/18/12 6:00pm

Like it or not, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl is a cultural archetype that we're stuck with and, furthermore, it's a cultural archetype that real life women are attempting to emulate. Maybe you know some of these wide-eyed, whimsy monsters. Maybe they're your friends and loved ones. Maybe you're one yourself, which… Discuss… 11/17/12 5:45pm 11/17/12 5:45pm