Cap'n Crunch Is Staring at Your Child, Willing Him to Demand Cereal

Kids love shitty sugary cereals with strange, deranged mascots. But why? Lucky Charms taste freeze-dried, for God's sake. Well, it turns out those brightly colored boxes are perfectly designed so terrifying cartoons can stare straight into children's eyes, mesmerizing them into demanding Count Chocula. »4/04/14 12:40pm4/04/14 12:40pm

Meet the Foods That Are Trying to Murder You This Weekend

Food is good, except when it’s BAD, as in stabby-stab-stab in your pancreas and colon bad. Some foods have been masquerading as good, when in fact they are murderous psychopaths, determined to trick you to ingesting them so they can perforate your internal organs. The safe eater is the paranoid and over-informed… »9/07/13 2:30pm9/07/13 2:30pm

General Mills Dares to Release Peanut Butter Cheerios

The folks at General Mills thought consumers would be excited that Cheerios now comes in peanut butter flavor, but parents of children with allergies are very upset about the new cereal. Though the box clearly indicates what's inside, they're concerned because Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter look like other… »1/10/12 11:59pm1/10/12 11:59pm

General Mills Sued For Marketing Fruit Roll-Ups As Health Food

As someone who grew up in the '90s, I've probably consumed my own weight in Fruit Roll-Ups, Fruit By The Foot, and Gushers. I'm fairly certain that my mom bought them for me because I whined when the commercial came on, and she figured they were no worse than Dunk-a-roos, which contained 100% of your totally not »10/16/11 10:06pm10/16/11 10:06pm