Jezebel
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magazine mashups
The Harper's (Bazaar) Index: Hillary Clinton's "Sexless" Style, Julianne Moore, & Orgasm-Inducing Luggage
Do people get confused by Harper's Magazine and Harper's Bazaar? After all, the luxury goods industry is not so different from Halliburton — shameless, ubiquitous, and sooo fucking talented at charging more for less. So again, we're taking things to their (ill)logical end with our own "Harper's (Bazaar) Index", inspired by Harper's famous feature, which parses the world of big oil, big money, big politics and Big Pharma and puts it into easily-digested numerical form. After the jump, Anna and I look at the May issues of both magazines and juxtapose co-sponsored Senate bills among presidential candidates with their sense of style; compare the KKK to luxury design house Lanvin; and "discuss" federal subsidies for American airlines with respect to the chic summer vacations of Chloe Sevigny, Lake Bell and Isabella Rossellini's daughter Ellettra. More »
audience amusements
LOLAudience: Paul Janka & John Fitzgerald Page On Dr. Phil
Yesterday, two notable specimens of boy-foe material, Paul Janka and John Fitzgerald Page, appeared on Dr. Phil to let talk about their big egos in front of a female-only audience. The audience reactions were so priceless — lots of disgust and appalled laughter — that today, one of you asked us to give the images the LOL treatment, an "offer" we couldn't refuse. The results, after the jump. More »
cover lies
Glamour's '50 Most Glamorous' Does Not Include Cover Model Jessica Simpson
Yes! The June Glamour is here, and, once again, it is full of useless features, like the reader-generated list of the "50 Most Glamorous Women." It's so refreshing to see a montage of the Patrick McMullan red carpet crossed-leg poses and pouts we've seen a million times before. Too bad that list excludes boobilicious cover model, Jessica Simpson, who just so happens to sit on the cover so unGlamourously. And why is it that the coverline about vagina normality rests so suspiciously close to Jessica's very own hoo-hah? Could this be a case of accidental art direction? After the jump, find out all the other really useful information inside the June Glamour, including some genius advice on how to make men worship you (hint: it involves breasts). More »
midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: The Spears Sisters Reunite & Someone Sells The Pix
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we search for actual "news" in the celebrity weekly magazines. Another slow week in Hollywoodland means the covers are rehashed stories you've already heard. Again. Britney "wins" two covers because she went to her sister's baby shower and is thin. The other three covers feature Angelina Jolie, Aniston/Mayer and Montag/Conrad. Intern Sharon assists as we dig for a gold doubloon of gossip on the beachy shores of the weekly mags, after the jump. More »
photo shop of horrors
French (Photo Retouchers) Don't Let Famous Women Get Fat
Remember the horror of that almost-unrecognizable atrocity at left? Turns out we can blame Pascal Dangin for that. Dangin, you see, is what writer Lauren Collins, in this week's issue of the New Yorker, calls "the premier retoucher of fashion photographs", a onetime hairdresser who so believes in reincarnation (symbolic, not metaphysical) that, when he moved from France to the U.S in 1989, he chose the first very flight out of Charles de Gaulle airport on the very first day of the new year.
Many women are transformed by Dangin's computer stylus, which sits in a basement laboratory at "Box", his four-story, Manhattan Photoshop fortress: In addition to Drew, there is the trophy wife with the "flat" face and "short" legs; the shoulder blade found "in a recent project at W"; the cast of the Sopranos; Prada models; "a famous actress in her late twenties"; a "crunchy"-faced model; "another well known actress"; "an actress with a movie coming out this spring"; Kate Moss; models Liya Kebede and Raquel Zimmerman; Madonna. And then there is model Christy Turlington, who, Collins explains, "needs the least help".
More »
clips
Tricia Walsh-Smith to Move to 'Real Housewives'? [NY Mag]
Scorned "YouTube Wife" Takes Her Brand Of Crazy To The Insider
Tricia Walsh-Smith — the estranged wife of rich guy theater mogul Philip Smith, who has been posting highly entertaining video rants on YouTube about their breakup — has taken her fight to The Insider. She is auctioning off her wedding dress on eBay in order to cover a $5,000 donation that she made to a charity for "boys who have lost limbs and that in Iraq", a donation she can't afford to pay. She hopes that she makes "loads and loads" of money on the deal. The best news, though, is that she's rumored to be joining the cast of the next season of Bravo's reality show Real Housewives of New York City!Tricia Walsh-Smith to Move to 'Real Housewives'? [NY Mag]
party report
The National Magazine Awards: 3 Hours Better Spent Reading Magazines
Cindi Leive, the editor-in-chief of Glamour and president of the American Society of Magazine Editors, is very attractive. She is very well-liked. She is, by all accounts — and I have more accounts of Leive's bedside manner than I ever asked for — a terribly nice, and intelligent, person. But Glamour is a essentially dumb and frivolous magazine and that fact, coupled with its nomination in the largest-circulation General Excellence category, probably inspired me to pay particular attention to her speech at last night's generally boring National Magazine Awards. And Cindi obliged my cynicism, opening the ceremony with comment to the effect of thanking all the ASME judges for all the many thousands of hours they put in reading magazines. "Thousands of hours of work," was, I believe, the phrase she used, followed by something to the effect of said "work" being performed, voluntarily, by very high-placed and important editors.
More »
fine lines
From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler: City of Angels
Welcome to 'Fine Lines', the Friday feature in which we give a sentimental, sometimes-critical, far more wrinkled look at the children's and YA books we loved in our youth. This week, writer / reviewer / blogger Lizzie Skurnick rereads 'From The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler', E.L. Konigsburg's 1967 novel about extremely unaccompanied minors run amok at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Claudia knew that she could never pull off the old-fashioned kind of running away. That is, running away in the heat of anger with a knapsack on her back.
I miss New York. Not the New York somewhere over to my left. A New York before The Squid & The Whale brought divorce to the Museum of Natural History. A New York before nannies got groped; a New York before private-school girls intertwangled lustily on beds in some benighted plan to rule the school. It was a New York that had room for a notepad-toting minor to spy unaccompanied on people through dumbwaiters; a boy to wander Chinatown having adventures with a cricket; teenagers to contend with a genie in a mystery at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. Not a world where children playact adult dramas, or unhappily contend with the chaos adults leave in their wake. It's a New York that keeps adults perpetually at shoulder-level, briefcases and purses jostling, while the children, front-and-center in the frame, get up to whatever children get up to.
clips
Sex And The City Cast Were Practically A Parody Of Themselves On Oprah
With countdown to the release of Sex and the City: The Movie officially starting today, the cast appeared on Oprah, in front of a boozed-up, overly excited, Cosmo-swigging audience. It was almost a parody of itself. (As Sarah Jessica Parker walked onstage, one woman, martini glass in hand, was actually seen jumping up and down and mouthing, "Look at her shoes!") So what did we learn? Well, those "dream sequence" stories they were feeding the press while the movie was being shot were all a bunch of bologna. SJP had 81 costume changes. And Cynthia Nixon was "shocked" when she fell in love with her similarly-ginger girlfriend. Clip above, and after the jump, some very gay stills. More »
maghag
LOLVogue: Superhero Photo Shoot Gets Super Stoopid
The May issue of Vogue is really weird. From the RoboGwyneth cover and interior spread (do Vogue readers care a whit about Iron Man?) to the fact that Smallville's Tom Welling (???) is in a photo shoot, it's all kinds of creeptastic. This has something to do with the fact that this month, The Costume Institute's spring show is about superhero style, and Vogue always considers the opening night shindig to be the gala of the year. Anyway, there's a photo story, shot by Craig McDean, that was begging for the LOL treatment. (Familiarize yourself here.) These "superheroes" in evening gowns may not be able to save your life, but they can try and distract you from the drudgery of your day. We're puttin werds on ur moddles, after teh jump. More »
jezenomics
7 Reasons This Is Not A Recession
Surely you've heard by now but we'll pat our aching, aging backs one more time because we're just so elated — America is NOT IN A RECESSION! The American Gross Domestic Product actually grew last quarter, which was a huge disappointment to the whining Marxist doomsayers so intent on making Americans forget they are living in the greatest civilization that ever danced with the stars. Well, we've seen the data, Americans. We've scanned the fine print and scoured the blogosphere so you wouldn't have to, and we are here to tell you: it's true. The American economy grew last quarter, and we know exactly why. So don't listen to the haters! In lieu of the usual evening news roundup, Jezebel is here to bring you the seven reasons this great nation is still on the upswing. More »
model memories
A Look Back At Tyra's 500 Episodes
Tyra has a lot to celebrate: Today marks the 500th episode of her talk show, which, we learned this morning, has been nominated for a Daytime Emmy (this year in a different category, "talk show/informative" instead of "talk show/entertainment"). TyTy was a guest on The View today, and she let us know that New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg has christened April 30 "Tyra Banks Show Day." (Unlike Mariah Carey, however, Tyra is not getting her signature colors shown on the Empire State Building.) So in honor of this very special occasion, we've compiled some of our favorite clips from Tyra's Emmy-nominated third season. Pack your bags, y'all, we're going after the jump. More »
midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: "Desperate" Jen Aniston Finally Gets Laid
Welcome back to Midweek Madness. It's spring, and the weekly mags are all abuzz with a new relationship. In fact, according to In Touch and Us, Jen Aniston and John Mayer spent one weekend together in Miami and now it's LOVE. The other covers deal with Katie Holmes as a
objectify this
Ms. Writer: Avoiding (Fashion) Magazines Is Good For Female Mental Health
The new issue of Ms. hits stands today and inside is a story about self-objectification, or "viewing one's body as a sex object to be consumed by the male gaze." More and more women are viewing themselves as sex objects, says Caroline Heldman, Ph.D., an assistant professor of politics at Occidental College, and it's due in large part to the veritable onslaught of advertising images that we're subjected to. The average American, according to Heldman, views "3,000-5,000 ads per day, up from 500-2,000 in the 70s," and a good chunk of those ads show naked and/or fetishized women. It's possible that none of this is news to you, but the far-reaching effects of self-objectifying might surprise you. More »
jezenomics
Zoe Cruz Told Mortgage Traders To "Cut Losses," But They Thought She Was Just High On Crack
Zoe Cruz is the subject of a long and kind of slow-boiling New York profile this week. Before she was sold out and thrown to the dogs by her old mentor at Morgan Stanley, Zoe Cruz was the most powerful woman on Wall Street. That is not saying much about her status in the ranks of powerful humans on Wall Street, of course, but it's good enough to sell a cover of New York in a year when the whole "Women In Power: Fuck This, There Really Is No Way To Win Is There?" meme is still relatively hot. Okay. So Zoe is powerful and widely disliked, which happens to men too but with nowhere near the persistence as w/r/t women, and... business office politics market conditions blah blah blah whoa now here is something that absolutely would not go down the same way had Zoe been a dude: While giving a year-end management speech to her fixed-income division, a "mid-level executive" interrupted the speech to say: ""Are you high? Because I really don't know what you're talking about." More »
self-help
