Jezebel
Knocked Up
Posts Tagged “
Fox News
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Knocked Up
crappy hour
John McCain: The Story Of Crocs Is The Story Of The American Economy
I like to give John McCain the benefit of the doubt when it's clear he's making a joke. (Like about how he stopped beating his wife.) So I want to defend this clip where he holds up the company Crocs as some paragon of American business innovation. I mean, on one hand, hahahaha: a company that owes its entire business to the groupthink of suburban teenagers subsidized by parents grown fat off home equity loans and decades of runaway corporate earnings growth afforded by the very ingenious business innovations that led Crocs to manufacture its wares in China (whose stock is currently at an all-time low)…why yes, that would be pretty apt symbol for the state of American business! But making a joke about GM would maybe be a little too poignant. Still, McCain's delivery is off, and he mumbles…it's a little embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as Malia Obama thinks her dad can be. That, Fox News, and some hilarious bra shopping stories, courtesy me and Megan after the jump. More »
crappy hour
God Damn, America…
Welcome to the Not Fucking Long Enough weekend, readers. If you don't feel as gross as these bacon cheese glazed donuts right now, just click the page. Today's discussion topics range from waterboarding to Karl Rove to Newt Gingrich and zoos to Fox News' ingenious subtle Photoshoppery of a New York Times reporter…somehow we trailed off today talking about Christie Brinkley's divorce trial. Like, who is worse, that ex-husband of hers, or her lawyer? Anyway, here's something fun, and if you're looking for extra credit read this followed by this and tell me you don't fucking love this fucking country. Megan and I await our three days of independence after the jump. More »
Rag Trade
Stress, Health Problems Factors In Fashion Model's Suicide
- Kazakh model Ruslana Korshunova jumped to her death from her Manhattan apartment in an apparent suicide Saturday. The 20-year-old had been featured on the cover of Vogue and walked for Marc Jacobs, Nina Ricci and DKNY. [CNN]
- Friends say Korshunova had been suffering from health problems and personal stress. [New York Post]
- And in a shocking show of ghoulishness ('poor taste' doesn't begin to approach this one), Fox News has aired footage of her body. [Huffington Post]
- Oy vey.Real World producers sign on for Project Runway. Bring on the hot tub. [Variety]
crappy hour
Is Fox News Looking For Drama With Obama's "Baby Mama"?
Oh, this will warm your heart: Fox News has dubbed Michelle Obama Barack's "Baby Mama." See, because "baby mama" is a term originating in the African American community used to delineate a status of romantic partner, somewhere between common-law spouse and "boo," that one attains by fathering or giving birth to a child. Over the years, as the term — which rhymes not only with "Obama" but more common terms like "drama" and "Cappadonna" — grew more common, it was embraced and co-opted by the Caucasian community to the point that it un-controversially became the name of a Tina Fey movie with two white leads and even, I believe, once used by my father as a term of endearment for my mother, who incidentally, popped out her firstborn (me) three years after exchanging vows with him. All of which is to say: isn't this great? It still isn't fully acceptable for even the most "down" white dudes to refer to their black friends as "My N—--" — and, let's be honest, "my nizzle" sounds really stupid — but thanks to Fox News it's now okay for white folks to refer to such a fearsomely accomplished, disciplined black woman as Michelle Obama as Barack's "baby mama." Doesn't she seem more approachable already? Anyway, that and China finally says something to Darfur about their genocide problem, another "consummate Washington insider" finds himself on the outs, Nigerian pirates and why I called Geraldine Ferraro "sweetie" with Megan after the jump. More »
Remember The Sisterhood
"Did you ever think you would hear Bill O'Reilly's channel applaud Jezebel for taking a 'firm moral position'?" Uh, no. We're still in shock. Click the pic for the video. (Related: I am officially semi-obsessed with Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly, if only because we disturbingly share the same views on cities and some of the deadly sins. Though I am definitely also "sloth.") [5 Resolutions.]
sexplanations
5 Mistakes That "Sexperts" Make When Giving Advice
We know that the only expectation we can count on Fox News to meet is one of disappointment — if not utter, hair-pulling frustration — but its reliable inanity doesn't mean that its immune to critique, particularly when doling out "fair and balanced" sex advice. Today, "sexpert" (if words could be killed off, that would be the first on our hit list) Yvonne K. Fulbright enumerated the "10 Sex Mistakes That Women Make." While Fulbright did provide two tips that we can get on-board with — "the occasional potty mouth can be a passion-inducer" and "don't use sex manipulatively" — the rest is really off the mark. So after the jump, we've compiled the 5 Mistakes That Sexperts Make When Giving Advice! More »
crappy hour
Barack Obama Doesn't Look Too Psyched About That Beer
Fifty thousand people are dead or close to it in Burma, and Barack Obama can state unequivocally that he does not drink designer beer. Seventy five percent of American adults will at some point be impoverished. The average American car owner really must save $30 this summer. Chris Hitchens believes Barack Obama may be pussy-whipped. Ellen Page believes Burmese dictator Than Shwe is a modern Hitler. And when tomorrow comes, Terry McAuliffe believes everyone will be saying that Hillary Clinton did better than they thought she was going to do in both the North Carolina and Indiana primaries tonight. Now there's a statement Glamocracy Megan and I can get behind! After the jump, an unusually hip-hop laden edition of Crappy Hour. More »
fundamentally evil
Please Do Not Cry For Those Poor Polygamist Wives, Fox News
Slate did the universe a service (yet again!) and read the memoir of a "fourth wife" in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter-Day Saints so we wouldn't have to puke all over the outfit we never took off after getting in last night. In summary, Carolyn Jessop was forced in her teens to marry a 50-year-old named Merril (though never forced to see him naked) who once became outraged when she ordered shrimp at a restaurant because he didn't like it, and wives should never like things their husbands don't. (Interesting philosophy!) They attended "public" schools staffed for and by Fundamentalists which taught children that dinosaurs and walking on the moon were lies. They reared their kids on spooky apocalyptic cowboy-indian games that underscored their belonging in a Master Race. One woman's childbirth involved being "given an episiotomy with sewing scissors and then stitched up with dental floss." More »
tips
Jesus Died On The Cross So You Would Tip Your Damn Barista, Fox News
I generally love watching Fox News, if only because watching it is not nearly as mindnumbing as subjecting yourself to those "There's the week, there's the weekend, and then there's the day when I would rather listen to Celine Dion in hell than watch this commercial again and that day came a LONG TIME AGO" New York Times ads that lord over CNN, but all day most of its anchors have been on this preposterous rant about Starbucks tipping sparked by a ruling in California court that requires the company to pay $100 million in lost tips to baristas. (Starbucks didn't keep the tips for itself, but it allowed shift supervisors and managers to share them, which violates the law and also prompts the question as to, if the company is so worried about reclaiming its lost culture, why it doesn't pay managers more.) But the issue: not a single person on Fox seems to think tipping at Starbucks is appropriate. In fact, they seemed truly astonished that actually giving such tips was such a widely-shared practice that, even in a guilty liberal state like California, the money in question could ever amount to more than a few thousand bucks. And the astonishing rationale behind this shared opinion: that the coffee costs so damn much already. More »
Fair & Balanced
Does conservative cable outlet Fox News consistently use porny images of women? Yes, says the site FoxNewsPorn. Click the picture to see an embedded video and check out the raw, steamy clips — all of which were taken from Fox News broadcasts. [FoxNewsPorn, via Feminist Law Professors]
Does conservative cable outlet Fox News consistently use porny images of women? Yes, says the site FoxNewsPorn. Click the picture to see an embedded video and check out the raw, steamy clips — all of which were taken from Fox News broadcasts. [FoxNewsPorn, via Feminist Law Professors]
clips
Fox News Mouthpiece Doesn't Understand Sex Workers, Art
A couple days ago, conservative radio host Laura Ingraham was sitting in for Bill O'Reilly on Fox News and interviewed Annie Oakley, founder and director of the Sex Worker's Art Show. (The same Sex Worker's Art Show that got William & Mary's president fired.) Ingraham showed a complete lack of professionalism — or class, for that matter — by referring to the performance art exhibit as a "traveling sex show," making it sound like some sort of orgy circus that tours the country in a caravan of covered wagons. In fact, Ingraham was so busy being a judgmental, condescending jerkass that she didn't get that the show is not porn, but art about the experiences of those who work in the sex industry. Clip above.
clips
A Warning From Fox News: Old Food Expires
This just in: Old food might not be OK to eat! The thoughtful folks at Fox News have informed us that there were worms found in an old box of chocolates somewhere at some point, so they decided to dedicate some airtime to let us know how we can avoid such a thing. First, don't shop in stores that look dirty. (Translation: Stay out of the bodegas in poor neighborhoods.) Secondly, don't buy chocolates off of dusty shelves. (Translation: What the fuck did we just tell you about low-income neighborhoods? They live off our tax dollars and now they're giving us worms!) Thanks, Fox! Usually you put me off me off my lunch, and now you've put me off dessert as well. This diet rules!
clips
Alexis Cohen: From American Idol To A Times Square Sidewalk
Fox TV is both evil and awesome in that it gives us what we know we shouldn't want, definitely don't need, but can't take our eyes away from. Last night, the network's NYC affiliate ran a segment on Alexis Cohen, the glitter-painted, American Idol reject who gained a lot of attention after she went on a rant against Simon.
Fox had the Pennsylvania-native hop on Amtrak yesterday, and filmed her interacting with pedestrians in the freezing cold on the sidewalk in Times Square. Never before has the channel's journalistic brand of "dance, monkey, dance" been so overt — or shamefully entertaining. But perhaps we shouldn't feel too guilty about laughing at (with?) Alexis. According to her MySpace profile, she is a member of two different improv troupes. (The Tool and Ministry fan is also a Wiccan and hails from "the planet UR Rectum.") Clip above.
rag trade
Posh & Marc: 1. Haters: 0.
- The new Marc Jacobs ads featuring Victoria Beckham have finally been made public. And they're awesome. Also: We seem to remember a certain Glamour magazine beauty editor who took to doing this with a Gucci bag. [WWD, 1st item]
- Madonna swears that the Fox News reports aren't true and that she didn't screw Gucci over and trick them into hosting a fundraiser for the Kabbalah Centre of Los Angeles. [WWD, 1st item]
- Giles Mendel's thoughts on Project Runway after serving as a guest judge on Wednesday night's episode: "OK...The authority of a TV show might not be good enough at the end to make a successful fashion house. That's a different ball game." Whoah — he didn't just question The Greatest Show on Earth, did he? [WWD, 5th item]
clips
Today We Learned More Than We Wanted To About Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Vagina
Today was a most TMI-traumatizing day on The View. When Whoopi brought up a study she had come across and reported on by Fox News's "sex expert" on how people can use The Secret to better their sex lives, the ladies all weighed in on what they "visualize" during sex. Not only is Elisabeth still hurting from giving birth, Whoopi may like hot fudge sundaes better than sex. Clip above.
the boob tube
Women In News: Regressing Since 1947
Today's female anchors have to worry about such pressing matters of international importance like whether their highlights are blond enough or if they're hot enough to make local magazine covers, but back in the 40s, female news anchors were actually, um, making news history. The Nation reminds us that Martha Rountree was the first (and to date, only) female host of Meet the Press. She even invented the format, which was based on Rountree's radio show, "Leave it to the Girls".More »
fetal positions
The mouthpiece of your crazy republican grandma, Fox News, debuted a documentary on abortion this past Saturday called Facing Reality: Choice (somehow that sounds like the set up for a joke, but it's for real). Fox purports to show the struggles that "everyday Americans" experience when deciding the fate of their unborn child, except that all three of the women featured are white and decidedly Christian, which I suppose in Fox's world is the only kind of "everyday American" that exists. The clip above shows Jeanne, 30, who is basically Citizen Ruth. She's already given birth to five children by several different fathers — three girls of whom she does not have custody, a boy born drug-addicted because of her coke use who was given up for adoption, and a boy who died of sudden infant death syndrome. The family who adopted her son is paying for her rent and other needs because they expect to adopt the baby she is currently carrying. In the meantime, Jeanne picks up some drug dealer boyfriends along the way. The whole thing is so depressing, and also: an argument for sterilization. More »
Fox's Abortion Reality Filled With White Christian Women
The mouthpiece of your crazy republican grandma, Fox News, debuted a documentary on abortion this past Saturday called Facing Reality: Choice (somehow that sounds like the set up for a joke, but it's for real). Fox purports to show the struggles that "everyday Americans" experience when deciding the fate of their unborn child, except that all three of the women featured are white and decidedly Christian, which I suppose in Fox's world is the only kind of "everyday American" that exists. The clip above shows Jeanne, 30, who is basically Citizen Ruth. She's already given birth to five children by several different fathers — three girls of whom she does not have custody, a boy born drug-addicted because of her coke use who was given up for adoption, and a boy who died of sudden infant death syndrome. The family who adopted her son is paying for her rent and other needs because they expect to adopt the baby she is currently carrying. In the meantime, Jeanne picks up some drug dealer boyfriends along the way. The whole thing is so depressing, and also: an argument for sterilization. More »
