Christmastime is upon us once again, whether we like it or not. In the spirit of a holly jolly Xmas, Kitchenette decided to bring our old standby series back out of retirement for one last go-round.* So without further ado, we give you Christmas victuals that should not be.
A version of this post was originally published on November 23, 2013. It has been updated and edited to reflect both the new year and to accommodate additional entries. Consider this the HD remake of the original post.
Some foods are commonly eaten because they're delicious. Still others are eaten because they're readily available, often when nothing else is. And sometimes, foods are commonly eaten for no goddamn reason other than people say they're awesome, so that must logically make them awesome.
Most human beings love desserts; the whole point of the final course is to be as delicious as possible. But while desserts are usually used as a reward, eating any of these eight catastrophes should constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
Today, for the first time on Foods That Should Not Exist, we saddle up our Dothraki steeds and take a trip to Westerosi Flavortown. While imaginary foods are a new frontier for Kitchenette, we feel the egregious food crimes from every one of the Seven Kingdoms* are just too much to bear.
Welcome to another edition of Foods That Should Not Exist, where for some reason — probably my own inability to sense impending doom — I allowed several readers to convince me to eat and then review the entire Taco Bell breakfast menu. Astoundingly, I got out of the affair with only minor internal injuries.
It's time for another installment of Foods That Should Not Exist, and we're going back… way back.
It's a well-known fact that kids will cheerfully eat stuff a starving hyena won't go anywhere near. This got me thinking: what sort of goofy, ridiculous shit did we eat as children that probably should be banned by the Geneva Convention?
Welcome back to Foods That Should Not Exist, our weekly series where Kitchenette goes on a deep, spiritual quest to eventually offend everyone in the entire world. Last week we checked Scandinavia and New England off that list, so let's see who I can piss off this week, shall we?
Welcome to the latest edition of Foods That Should Not Exist, our regular series in which we ask the searching question: how much can one person piss off the Internet?
I love fast food so much that my feelings for it are probably illegal in Georgia. It's objectively disgusting, of course, but I truly love it. Give me a BK Double Stacker or a Big Mac or literally anything from Popeye's and I'm a happy (and gastrically-distressed) camper. But really, never has the tag for these…
OK, guys. Here it is. I know a lot of you have been curious about what foods I love. I didn't pick obvious things (I mean, you know I love bacon, what the fuck would be the point in talking about it), or things I've already mentioned I love (with one exception that required some explanation, and also Peanut Sauce,…
I was originally going to do the long-awaited "Foods That Should Exist" post this week. Believe me, I planned to. I had all the entries worked out and everything. Then I realized two things: 1) it is way, way easier to be funny about things you hate than about things you love, and 2) there are still so many foods I…
Ahhh, Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday. I actually have a lot to be thankful for. I have a loving girlfriend, a surprisingly not-hate-worthy job in a city I quite like (despite the last entry on this article), and the English language has a seemingly-endless variety of ways to say that food is terrible. And what…
I was trying to come up with an image for this week's article, but based on the response last week's article garnered, I had to make one:
Inspired by Jess.