In Battle of the Sexes, All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Is the Great Equalizer

It's not easy being a man in the modern American matriarchy! Always being forced to buy all the dinners and win all the bread and dominate all the high-paying jobs and respect all the bodily autonomy. UNFAIR, RIGHT? Sometimes it feels like what happened to equality, you know!? What do men have left to live for, even?… » 4/10/14 5:15pm 4/10/14 5:15pm

My Body Is Undisciplined and I Deny Myself Nearly Everything I Desire

I watched the first few seasons of The Biggest Loser avidly. The show offered the ultimate fat girl fantasy—go to a "ranch" for a few months, and under the pressure of intense personal trainers, low caloric intake, the manipulations of reality show producers and the constant surveillance of television cameras, lose the… » 4/10/14 4:00pm 4/10/14 4:00pm

Wal-Mart Launching a Cheap Organic Food Line to Destroy Whole Foods

In an effort to cash in on our nation's current hunger for "organic" foods, Wal-Mart is launching an extensive new line of organic products. The Wild Oats line (itself a former Whole Foods brand) will retail for about 25% less than equivalent products at more established organic grocery stores. » 4/10/14 3:45pm 4/10/14 3:45pm

Milk Is Great for Your Joints, and Cheese Is Destroying Them

When I was a kid, it was all about milk. "Set the table! Wash your hands! Milk or water?" was the refrain at every mealtime. Not juice, not iced tea, not soda (Diet Coke wouldn't take hold for another decade)—just water or milk, milk or water, simple as that, as though the two were interchangeable. Nonfat for my mom, 1%… » 4/08/14 6:45pm 4/08/14 6:45pm

Peeps Are Gross and Peep Donuts Are an Abomination

Just in time for Easter, Dunkin Donuts is rolling out special donuts with Peeps parked in the center. This is the most disgusting thing I've heard all week, including that 16-inch rat. It is a crime against taste and it should not be permitted by civilized society. » 3/28/14 4:45pm 3/28/14 4:45pm

Pizza Chains Are Secretly Packing Their Food with MSG

Last night on my walk home, I noticed a huge neon sign in the window of my local pizzeria that read, "NO MSG." Huh, I thought. Is that a thing? I'd never known I was supposed to worry about MSG in my pizza—although, to be fair, I don't worry about MSG in anything, at all, ever—but apparently it was a big enough issue… » 3/27/14 5:30pm 3/27/14 5:30pm

Apparently 'Butter Is Back.' I Didn't Realize It Had Gone Anywhere.

Yo! You can officially toss out your yellow-flavored aerosol spray-margarine! New meta-analysis indicates that, contrary to decades of not-at-all disingenuous hyperventilation by the diet industry, consumption of saturated fats does not actually increase a person's risk of heart disease. Fat in reasonable amounts, in… » 3/27/14 12:00pm 3/27/14 12:00pm

Girl Eats Her Own Body Weight in Ketchup EVERY Year

We all have weird food habits. I know one girl who eats french fries with a fork and salad with her hands. I know another who eats hummus with a spoon when she doesn't gave pita bread or baby carrots and another still whose favorite snack is apple slices layered with cheddar cheese. (PSYCH, ALL OF THESE GIRLS ARE ME.)… » 2/27/14 7:15pm 2/27/14 7:15pm