Sriracha Vodka Might Be What Gets You Through the Holidays
Um, this is about to be tearing up some Bloody Mary's at my next brunch (and probably also some buttholes).
Dear Sweet Baby Jesus on High in Heaven, It's a NUTELLA BAR
Um, I guess we're all moving to Chicago in the dead of winter because WTF: our ginger Dionysus, Mario Batali, is opening Eataly Chicago, a 63,000-square-foot super food store, tomorrow and within those 63,000 square feet there will be a GD NUTELLA BAR. Praise Be Unto His Taste Buds and Pocket Book.
These School Lunches Look Like Someone Sharted in a Litter Box
If this is what we're feeding our nation's children, we should not be surprised if they all grow up to be malnourished serial killers who only eat cat turds marinated in swamp sludge.
Behold This Blogger's Sad Thanksgiving Meal (And Share Pics Of Yours!)
It's turkey salad with cranberries. That's not even real Guinness, y'all. I just put shitty Busch Light in a Guinness glass. So I would feel fancy. But I don't feel fancy. Not at all. Not one little bit. :-(
Fantasy Food Porn Fun Time: The Thanksgiving Dish of Your Dreams
Ever look at a picture of something so amazing and delicious-looking your gut started churning in anticipation? That's what we're talking about here.
About That Thanksgiving Turkey...
This Business Week story about what's happening to your Thanksgiving turkey right now is a depressing-as-hell must read. The industrial meat complex is complicated, but one thing is for sure: factory farming is fucking terrible for everyone, Butterball is hella shady, and free-range has its own problems. But perhaps…
Wanna Sniff Some Cheese Made From Human Microbes?
Feeling a little peckish? Well, you won't after reading this. NPR reports that UCLA microbiologist Christina Agapakis and artist Sissel Tolaas have teamed up "to create cheese using the microbes that grow on their skin." We understand if you need a minute.
Bacon Mania Has Gone Too Far. Again. Please Stop.
As foods go, bacon is pretty good. It's the best of the breakfast meats, it makes a tasty baked-potato topping and it's a nice addition to a gourmet chocolate bar.
Buy a Fried Chicken Scented Candle for the Dieting Relative You Hate
There is now, thanks to the dual triumph of American gluttony AND ingenuity, a scented candle that, when set aflame, gives off the sweet, crispy aroma of fried chicken. The hapless victims of your gifting laziness at least deserve a candle that will start a few awkward conversations and trick them into thinking there's …
People Who Gobble Nuts Every Day Live Longer
I guess that means Amber from Clueless is gonna live forever. (90s movie snap!) (sorry.)
Revelation of the YEAR, people
PARSNIPS. Tonight, I have discovered parsnips. I wish I had about 12 more pounds of them because these fuckers are DELICIOUS. Peel 'em, cut 'em into sticks the size of your pinkie, and huck 'em in a pan with hot ghee (or butter). Sprinkle with a little nutmeg, toss 'em around, then cover and cook on medium heat until…
Looking Inside Other People's Fridges Is So Deeply, Deeply Satisfying
Mark Menjivar began photographing people's fridges for his series "You Are What You Eat" in 2007. He spent four years snapping pics of 60 fridges in an effort to explore eating habits and identity throughout the United States. Then, he decided to check back in with some of the people four years later. He's showcasing…
Martha Stewart Can't Stop Tweeting Really Gross Pictures of Food
For a woman who has built an empire marketing her own smugly tied gingham ribbon of perfection and self-satisfied domesticity, Martha Stewart is remarkably terrible at one thing that, in the digital age, is almost unavoidable: sharing pictures of food on social media. In fact, Martha Stewart's Twitter feed is…
Pizza Wars: Will No One Defend the Deep Dish?
This topic is not for the faint of heart. The debate to come will tear apart families and turn friends into enemies. Rivers will run red with the blood of 1,000 tomatoes. Cheese will be everywhere and dough — oh, God, so much dough. We are about to talk about pizza. Specifically (and dangerously), we are talking about …
Pumpkin Spice Is Still Total Bullshit
OMG, you guys! Pumpkin spice season
Two Geniuses Run One Hell of a Racket: Teaching Nannies to Cook Quinoa
If you were looking for the perfect way to swindle money out of our nation's clueless elite, you've been scooped. Two brainiacs in New York City just outsmarted us all by opening a service that teaches rich people's nannies to cook shit like lentils and couscous. FUCKING BRILLIANT.
It's a Pie Chart of Pies So We All Better Get to Eating
Modern Farmer put together a pie chart of pies by month and we all really fucked up when it comes to October. Why were we not eating apple pie every day and when we weren't eating it, talking about eating it? And if you were doing that, how come you didn't tell me? That is not the "leave no pie behind" mentality that…
Burn Your MFA: The 300 Sandwiches Lady Has A Book Deal
Stephanie Smith, the lady who sandwiched her way onto the internet's STFU list with her blogged quest to make 300 sandwiches
HOLY FUCK HAVE YOU EVER HAD ROASTED BRUSSELS SPROUTS?
You know how you thought French fries were the only vegetable worth eating? You were right. UNTIL TODAY.
LA Restaurant Will Sell a $500 Milkshake Because People Are Assholes
Have you ever thought you were craving ice cream, but deep down you actually wanted to eat gold? Well, I've got the milkshake for you!
Night Cheese, Interrupted: What's the Truth Behind Cheese Dreams?
Preemptive apology: This post contains no answers. We're simply here to speculate on the reasons behind cheese dreams or — as they're more historically known — cheese nightmares.
The FDA Is Trying to Ban Artifical Trans Fats
The Food and Drug Administration is taking steps to almost completely eliminate trans fats from the food supply. They've submitted a proposal available for public comment in which partially hydrogenated oils (PHOs) which are responsible for trans fats would no longer be "generally recognized as safe." Somewhere, Mayor…
Barilla CEO Says He Likes Gays Now, So Please Buy Some Of His Pasta
The CEO of Barilla, who a month and change ago found himself in hot, heavily salted water for saying he'd never include same sex couples in Barilla advertising because ew gayz! has changed his tune, and the company is now establishing a "diversity and inclusion board" for reasons that I'm assuming are 100% about just…
Kale vs. Broccoli: How to Get Americans to Eat Their Vegetables
In Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, reporter Michael Moss wrote about obnoxiously named Boulder ad agency Victor & Spoils creating a mock ad campaign for broccoli.
Twinkie-Eating Competition Is the Grossest Thing I've Ever Wanted to Do
And I used to date a dude who regularly ate ice cream cones while taking a shit. (Okay, it happened once, but once is basically regularly when it comes to the worst fucking thing in the world!!!)
Walnut Thieves With Giant Nuts Steal Nearly Half-a-Million Dollars
This is nuts! (Sorry to all involved.)
Halloween Jerk to Hand Out Notes Telling Trick or Treaters They're Fat
A local busybody in Fargo, North Dakota has decided to take America's child obesity epidemic on herself this Halloween by only giving candy to the trick or treaters she deems thin enough to deserve candy. The rest of the kids — those the woman deems "moderately obese" — get notes telling their parents to stop having…
Lena Dunham's Ode to Takeout Is Surprisingly Tender
Lena Dunham's essay "Deliverance" appears in the November issue of The New Yorker and it's a surprisingly delicate and sensitive piece on what it's like to get raised on takeout food as opposed to home cooked meals. (Disclaimer: If you like Lena Dunham then you will probably like this essay; if you don't like Lena…