Swarm of Evil Fish Injures 70 Swimmers in Christmas Day Foot Attack
A species of piranha known as Pygocentrus palometa (maybe—"validity questionable," says Wikipedia) is reportedly responsible for a number of injuries to swimmers in Argentina on Christmas day. The area was experiencing a holiday heat wave, so people headed to the beach to cool off...and promptly got their toes chomped by …
Check Your Vertebrate Privilege: Cephalopods Are People, Too
Bet you terrestrial-centric bigots didn't realize it, but today just so happens to be Fish Amnesty Day, which is billed as "a day to recognize fish as living animals with rights and in need of protection just the same as other vertebrates.”
Testicle-Munching Fish Are Ruining Summer for Scandinavians
Summer is full of the sorts of hidden dangers that come with being drunk and out in the hot sun for longer than usual. You could fall asleep in a wading pool and be urinated upon by your neighbor’s dog. A shark could attack you while you’re flipping around on your boogie board like a dying seal. You could wear a really …
If You’re Not Willing to Use Your Vagina as a Fishing Lure, You’re Not …
What happened to the Discovery Channel? Is the demand for majestic wildebeest documentaries really that low, or is the demand for reality shows featuring naked white people pooping outdoors in exotic locations really that high? It must be, otherwise we wouldn't be getting such a robust lineup of naked survivalist…
Progressive Lady-Fish Think It's Totally Hot That You're Bi
Ugh, mating season. So much pressure to deposit your sperms in the fittest female's genital opening, amirite?!?!? Are you a dude-fish having no luck with the fly honeys in your area? Well, it might be because you're focusing too much on the ladies, and not enough on nipping erotically at the gennies of your bros.…
Mexican Fish Penis Bears Terrifying Resemblance To Se7en's "Lust"…
Um! If any girlfish are reading this, please beware when you come across male freshwater llanos mosquitofish, otherwise known as Gambusia quadruncus. The evolution of the females of this Mexican species has given them a large ball of tissue that blocks most of their genital canal in order to allow them to keep away the …
Activists Want Tuna Taken Off School Lunch Menus After Mercury Levels…
Out of all the foods that could be full of neurotoxins and dolphin ghosts—why does it always have to be tuna? Delicious, delicious tuna. Tuna is a wonder-food that comes either in a can or in a fish. The canned kind is cheap, and is where tuna melts come from, which makes it a national treasure. The fish kind is…
Here Are Some Fish That Look Like Dudes' Dicks
Before pressing play on the above video, do yourself a favor and take a moment to think about it. You could go the rest of your life having never seen a tank of wriggling fish that happen to look like detached, bloated and reanimated human penises. Would this be such a bad thing? Maybe not! Instead of watching the…
Uh Oh: Radioactive Bluefin Tuna Appear on the Coast of California
This sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie, but, alas, it is real: There are now radioactive Bluefin tuna swimming off the shores of the United States. How did they get that way? It happened as a result of the nuclear disaster at the Fukushima Dai-ichi reactors that was set off after the huge earthquake in Japan…
Your Vagina Isn't Just Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy—It's Also Too…
Good news, ladies! Society has discovered another new thing that's wrong with you, which means another opportunity for you to make yourself more attractive for your man. Score! Turns out, the color of your vagina is gross and everyone hates it. So bleach that motherfucker. Bleach it right now!
A New Recipe for High Quality Semen
Women have been clued into the fact that their diets affect their fertility for a long while now, but a new study has found that what men are eating might matter just as much. The researchers found that the kinds of fat men ate made a difference in the quality of their sperm. For instance, saturated fat found in the…
Adventurous Cat Goes for a Casual Dip in the Sea
Bold move, kitty! And definitely the best way to cut out the middleman and go straight to the source for delicious fish.
Science Says Eat Your Herring, Young Lady
A new study shows that eating fatty fish like salmon, mackerel, cod, and herring can cut heart attack and stroke risk in young women, even if their intake doesn't reach recommended daily levels. You've probably already heard that fish is good for your heart, but most studies focused on men or older women, so it's good…
San Francisco Moves To Ban Pet Sales
San Francisco, which previously made headlines for its efforts to ban circumcision and plastic bags, may now forbid the sale of all pets. Unsurprisingly, pet store owners are mad.
100,000 Dead Fish In Arkansas Raise Suspicions Of Biblical Plague
Days after thousands of dead birds dropped from the sky in Beebe, Arkansas, 100,000 dead fish have washed up on the shores of the Arkansas River. Looks like it's time to stock up on canned goods and tinfoil hats!
Mexican Fish Sport Mustaches To Attract The Ladies
Scientists have discovered a "series of epidermal outgrowths" on the upper lips of male Mexican molly fish are, "a previously unrecognized sexually selected trait" — It seems female mollies prefer males with mustaches. [PhysOrg via Newser]
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, See-Through Fish
Japanese scientists have developed a see-through goldfish, which they say provides an alternative to dissection. The fish can live up to 20 years, and one scientist said "you can watch its whole life" through its translucent skin. [Daily Mail]
There Must Be Mistletoe Somewhere…
[Munich, December 23. Image via Getty.]
Feet First
Secretary of State Lorraine Cortes-Vazquez has announced plans to ban fish pedicures in New York. She calls the practice - in which carp feed on the dead skin of customers' feet - unsanitary. We call it gross and unnecessary. [NYPost]