You Could Still Snag One of Sasha Obama's Super-Cute Sweaters

Last week, Sasha Obama appeared at a basketball game in a unicorn sweater from Asos. It promptly sold out, delivering a dangerous shock to the nation's strategic unicorn sweater reserve. » 11/27/13 7:00pm 11/27/13 7:00pm

President's New Puppy More Press-Friendly Than the President

So we're on the brink of maybe-war, it's not clear that anyone knows what they're doing, and to make matters worse, President Barack Obama still hasn't intervened in the tragedy that is the casting of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. Luckily, Sunny, the First Family's adorable new pup, is here to do some damage control. … » 9/11/13 1:00pm 9/11/13 1:00pm

Jerk Journalist Doesn't Give a Shit About Standards, Writes About Sasha …

Matthew Boyle, a "reporter" at Breitbart.com, just yesterday penned an exclusive piece in which he abandons journalistic conventions as well as common decency by revealing the location of Sasha and Malia Obama's spring break. The first sentence of his article reads: "A source tipped Breitbart News off to the First… » 3/26/13 6:40pm 3/26/13 6:40pm

The White House Doesn't Want Bikini-Body Obsessed World Leering at…

Last week, President Barack Obama and his family were in Hawaii for their annual Christmas vacation. Photographers captured several moments of POTUS during the trip, including a jaunt to a shave ice shop and a golf outing. Some vacation shots, like this one, are actually released by the White House itself. But when a… » 1/08/13 12:50pm 1/08/13 12:50pm

Secret Service Exhausted by Massive Number of Death Threats Against…

Being the President is a much harder job than I CAN B PRESIDENT Barbie and the movie First Kid make it seem. In fact, one of the occupational hazards of the job are near-constant death threats. And — SURPRISE — the same President who inspires billboards more racist than a cartoon version of Birth of a Nation starring… » 11/26/12 5:00pm 11/26/12 5:00pm

President and First Lady Celebrate their 20th Anniversary With…

Tonight, the Mitt hits the fan when President Obama and Governor Romney face each other in a talking points slapfest we call a Presidential Debate for the first time this election season. But today's also another important date in the Obama family calendar: Barack and Michelle's 20th anniversary. To celebrate, the… » 10/03/12 6:30pm 10/03/12 6:30pm

D.C. Police Officer Allegedly Threatens to Shoot The First Lady

A police officer in the District of Columbia's Special Operations Division, which is tasked with providing motor escorts for the First Family, was allegedly overheard telling his fellow officers that he was going to shoot First Lady Michelle Obama. Though details of the incident aren't yet clear, the department's… » 7/13/12 10:00am 7/13/12 10:00am

Please Stop Bugging Michelle Obama About Running for Senate

She may have academic credentials that match her Commander-in-Chief husband, the popular appeal of Madeleine Albright circa 1999, and the fashion chops of Carla Bruni, but Michelle Obama wants to make it clear that she's not interested in running for Senate in 2016. In other news, people are already starting to badger… » 5/29/12 7:00pm 5/29/12 7:00pm

Obamas Present World's Least Awkward Family Photo

Today the White House released the Obamas' new family portrait, the first since 2009, and proved that a family can be so sweet and attractive that it almost makes you angry. No one in this picture is giving her sister a dirty look, sprouting a gnarly zit, or wearing an ill-fitting and hideous dress. Suddenly all of our … » 12/15/11 11:47pm 12/15/11 11:47pm