Timeline: What the Hell Is Fifty Shades of Grey Doing to People? 

On the surface, Fifty Shades of Grey is a fairly tame and boring movie about two very frightened actors who get undressed and tentatively tickle each other with floggers, but something about the film (or maybe its source material) has caused audiences to go fully insane. Here is a timeline of their bacchanalian… » 2/27/15 2:50pm Friday 2:50pm

This Dude Licensed His Song to Fifty Shades Thinking It was a Rom Com

Say what you will about Fifty Shades, but it's major and getting one of your tracks into the movie could be a big break for an up-and-coming musician. Not that Paul Janeway of St. Paul and the Broken Bones thought that way when he agreed to license "Call Me," because he didn't know what the hell Fifty Shades of Grey » 2/25/15 2:30pm Wednesday 2:30pm

E.L. James Wants to Write Second Fifty Shades Script, Ruin Everything

Oh crap! If you enjoyed the first installment of Fifty Shades of Grey on the big screen, you're going to be a little upset at this news: The woman who wrote the terrible books now wants to write the terrible screenplays and ruin all your sexy fun by making the dialogue even more wooden and stilted than ever. » 2/19/15 10:30pm 2/19/15 10:30pm

Single Man Humiliated to be Caught At Showing of Fifty Shades of Grey

Worried about seeing Fifty Shades of Grey? Have no fear! Every last ounce of humiliation at seeing the movie has been sucked up by this Danish man, who was caught leaving a showing and tried to hide it so poorly that you can feel the painful cringe all the way from America. Please press play now. » 2/19/15 12:00pm 2/19/15 12:00pm

All Hell Breaks Loose When Teens Are Denied Entry to Fifty Shades

If there's one thing that teenagers care about, aside from fitting in, Snapchat, and begging their mom to please borrow the car to go to McDonald's with Kristy just this one time, come on, please!, it's Fifty Shades of Grey. Or, at least, being able to get into an R-rated movie without their parents in tow. » 2/18/15 11:30am 2/18/15 11:30am

Sam Taylor-Johnson Might Be Trying to Skip the Fifty Shades Sequels

Fifty Shades of Grey might have made over $80 million dollars at the box office its opening weekend, and caused groups of grown women to laugh for over two hours, but those involved in its creation still aren't happy: reports indicate that director Sam Taylor-Johnson is either trying to get out of doing the sequels or… » 2/17/15 9:50am 2/17/15 9:50am

Madonna Likes the Word "Bitch," Finds Fifty Shades Unrealistic 

In case you haven't read Billboard's interview with Madonna, then you should do so immediately. It's really a study in Madonna's worn performance of "Madonna." During the interview Madonna unfolds "herself on a white leather horseshoe-shaped couch," is "trailed by a servant," and decides that the interview should… » 2/14/15 4:00pm 2/14/15 4:00pm

'Why Not Take a Nap?': 11 Reasons I Will Not See 50 Shades, By a Mom

What happens when you invite your mom to see 50 Shades of Grey? (Well, first of all, don't ever do that.) Here's one way it might go down, from Jez reader Heather: "I invited my mom to go see 'Fifty Shades' for a project I'm working on, but she declined. Not only did she decline, she declined in listicle form." » 2/13/15 6:15pm 2/13/15 6:15pm

This Is Your Brain on the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy 

Gleefully shitting on Fifty Shades of Grey became its own pastime as soon as the books started climbing up bestseller lists. But as easy as it is to lambast a trilogy of books written from the standpoint of a sexual idiot savant with a fifth-grade reading level, there's something smarmy and inauthentic about knocking… » 2/12/15 11:50am 2/12/15 11:50am