"Should a leave of absence be made available to all women"
What about men? If this leave is no longer related to maternity, why would it apply only to women?
And along those lines, what about paternity leave? Research shows how important it is for the father to bond to their new child but men are still expected to be breadwinners, not parents. #maternityleave
Sorry, do tax payers in Canada really have to foot the bill for women who choose to breed? I wouldn't be very happy footing the bill for women who make that choice. People who have children should assume full responsibility. This means being aware that it will cost (here in the US) approximately $200,000+ to raise that child to the age of 18 (and that amount doesn't include college, buying them their first car, or other expenses that come up after the age of 18.) And if you want kids, set aside a budget to do that. Don't make me as a tax payer foot the bill to support your biological function.
@feliciag27: the nation-state has a vested interested in the rearing of the next generation. not only do children grow up to be the next leaders of the country, but also the taxpayers and the workforce. declining birth-rates are considered a big red flag regarding the health of developed nations and their economies and many governments are willing to offer incentives in order to see that children are born healthy and raised to somewhat-decent standards. thats why taxes go to education and healthcare for children. while having children is a choice, it is also a strong societal and patriotic expectation to which anyone who chooses not have children can attest.
what you propose sounds dangerously like negative eugenics, that only certain types and classes of people are worthy of childbearing. you may be fortunate enough to have 200,000 dollars squirrelled away, but many working- and middle-class families do no, but they shouldn't be denied the right to procreate. the logic behind government assistance to families is not to foot to bill of selfish, unqualified people who dare procreate despite humble means, but to invest in future citizenry. #maternityleave
@KATE!: Yes. Yes yes yes. Children are not a drain on the rest of us. They are the people we will be depending on as we age not only to fill Social Security's coffers, but to cure more diseases, to build more roads, to make all the things we'll need in life as we grow older. Societies that do not produce new members die. Our society will die unless people from ALL classes of society continue to reproduce.
Procreation shouldn't be a privilege. It is a right to have a family. That's what choice is all about.
Feliciag's comment was so ignorant! We are already -- all of us -- "footing the bill for women who choose to breed" by funding education, children's health care initiatives, and the like. The problem is that parents are footing society's bills too, and they're being shortchanged. They give us new people, an invaluable resource, and we don't give them enough time, money, or resources in exchange. Canada's programs simply get closer to a true valuation of what mothers and fathers contribute to society.
P.S. Arguments about overpopulation simply do not apply to this country. India, yes. Indonesia, probably. The U.S.? Nope. We still have plenty of room and resources. And no one had better suggest that we just mass-adopt a bunch of Indians or Indonesians or whomever. Just don't even. #maternityleave
@feliciag27: In Canada, we have the option to take a 12 month leave from our jobs for maternity, where you recieve employment insurance benefits. Every working person in Canada pays into this program, which is for anyone who is not working, not just new parents, just like every person in Canada pays for Healthcare, Canada Pension, and Old Age Pension. It's a completely different system than in the U.S. and it works pretty damn good. #maternityleave
@feliciag27: So you don't ever collect uninsurance, never attended public schools, don't drive on roads, use a library, etc.? All those things are supported by taxes. You don't have to like everything your taxes go toward, but you also get benefits from the taxes everyone else pays.
Do you not have health insurance, either? If so, you're already footing the bill for people having kids just like they foot the bill when you go to the doctor. #maternityleave
@BytheSea: Yep. I think its about 26 weeks paid, then the option of 26 more (or something, I have no children) andyou can apply for Adoptive Leave. Also they're talking about allowing men and women to split the 52 weeks between them as they see fit (this is already the case is other european countries- I really want to say Finalnd, but I might be wrong) #maternityleave
Physical recuperation my butt. After my six weeks was up I was weaker than ever.
I think there should be lots more flexible leave for parents and non-parents.
But yeah, don't tell me maternity leave is a vacation. I would have been LESS tired going to work than feeding, feeding, feeding constantly while trying to recover from a damn spinal headache. Feh. #maternityleave
I live in Canada, where we get a paid year off (55% of your salary - paid by the Government, not by your employer) after having a baby - and trust me I am more than aware of how fortunate we are for this and feel extremely grateful. It can be split between the two parents as well - dad is entitled to take some months off to stay home, if mom goes back to work early. Many moms do go back to work early because they'd rather make their full salary than the 55% Maternity pay.
I hope that the U.S. can move more towards a program like this.
It is one of the main reasons my husband and I chose to have our baby in Canada rather than the U.S. (he is American and I am Canadian) - the other reason being the cost of actually having your baby is covered by the national health care plan. We basically pay for our parking fee, and that's it.
I am utterly confused as to why this proposed sabbatical, which is what it is, is even being referred to as a "maternity leave" - or why, for that matter, it would only be extended to females? It seems like a perposterous idea that would only set women back in the workplace, giving the impression that women are weaker and need a break from their jobs. The reality is we could all use a break from our jobs! #maternityleave
Sure sounds like what I've used my vacation time for...you know, recovering from surgery, taking care of my husband when he had surgery, recuperating from the flu, hosting and organizing a family reunion or convention (time of stress, for sure!)...all of those things fall under "paid time off" (aka vacation time) at my work. Personally, I do think it's ridiculous, not to mention sexist, that women who choose to have kids get a "freebie" paid leave that will never be available to me, as a childfree woman, much less my husband. Even if I had kids, he'd never get to take any paid leave for it, short of burning out his vacation leave.
I agree with other commenters that there should be a provision for a sabbatical built into employment, but I think that should be it. If you choose to use your sabbatical for childbirth, that's fine. If you choose to instead use your vacation time, that's fine, too. A routine paid sabbatical is a far more fair way to handle necessary mid-length leave, whatever the reason.
I know I'm in the minority on this, but I just don't think pregnancy deserves special treatment versus all the myriad of other deserving reasons to need time away from work. #maternityleave
@TsuKata: I agree with you. Let people choose what they want to with their sabbatical and if it's having kids, so be it. I'm hoping that if we just had a fair and equal sabbatical for everyone, maybe more people would think twice about adding ever more children to this overpopulated world anyway.
Childfree people often get the shaft at work anyway, because parents tend to call out so much more often anyway due to their childrens' illnesses and school events, with the childfree having to take up the slack.
And where was I when they started giving away six months--or a year (??)--of maternity leave? When I had my only child 13 years ago (before I became aware of environmental issues), I got only one week before her birth (I was entitled to four, but because she came early, I was jacked out of the other three), and had to return to my full-time job when she was exactly six weeks old. In my 21 years in the workforce, this is the longest period of time off I've ever had. Be assured, however, that I arranged for someone to be available to stay with my child whenever she happened to be ill well before she was conceived...I didn't want to be THAT coworker! #maternityleave
@TsuKata: That's a good point, maybe they could have a paid kind of medical leave for taking care of any long term medical issues you or your family have. Do they have anything like this in England already? I'm in the US and, well, obviously we don't have anything like that. #maternityleave
These are just my thoughts. This seems to speak so much to how we value (or don't) elders in our culture here. Leaving off for a second the whole thing of more personal leave time for working women in Europe, irrespective of marital or with-child status, I do think it's interesting that maternity (not even paternity, which is another long rant) leave is at least discussed, while equivalent time for elder care is disdained as much as *gasp* taking that time for personal leave.
What is with this Calvinist culture, anyway? #maternityleave
I think sabbaticals should be a much more common workplace benefit, especially now that people are so stressed from picking up extra work after layoffs, and with the little paid vacation time most people in the US get. Maybe everyone having the option to take a chunk of unpaid leave time--during which they can pay their health insurance, just as people on FMLA leave are expected to do--would cut down on some of the resentment.
Maternity leave is no party, and the responsibilities don't go away after a new parent comes back to work. But if people are under the impression that being off work for three months without pay and with health insurance expenses is what will make them happy, then as far as I'm concerned, they're free to go ahead with that. #maternityleave
While I think this is a good idea and am in agreement with the thought behind it, I don't want it semantically lumped in with family leave policies when it sounds a lot like a sabbatical to me. First of all, because it seems illogical to say they're the same thing. And second of all, because I live in the US and I really want to see improved family leave policies in my lifetime, and I don't want people to negatively spin stories like this into a reason to oppose family leave. #maternityleave
Where I live (Canada), when you go on mat leave you don't get paid by your company - you get unemployment insurance for up to a year from the government. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't go for just paying unemployment insurance to anyone who felt like collecting it. Even if they did, the maximum you can collect is about $400/week, so if you had a well-paying job you would be taking a serious pay cut. #maternityleave
Seriously? Fuck, I am one of those "not interested in kids" people, but a vacation? SERIOUSLY? What bullshit. Paternity leave makes sense, nothing about maternity leave sans baby birthing makes any kind of sense to me. Sabbatical? Yeah. Stress leave? Okay. Time off to pursue an advanced degree? Knock yourself out. Whatever you want to call it, but women already get shit for maternity leave, let's please not diminish its importance further. #maternityleave
@Penny: But what's wrong with generally assigning importance to having personal time? If this was renamed "stress leave," the "stress" being working from ages 22-72 with only two weeks off annually, would it be as much of a problem?
What's wrong with just conceptualizing one's working life as needing a few months off at some point in the forty to fifty years of straight working? #maternityleave
@LadySoprano is a Fat-Fighting Superwoman: I'm not sure about the laws elsewhere, but in Canada maternity leave is 52 weeks. The way it's divided is 16 weeks of that is for the physical recovery from giving birth, and the other 36 weeks is for parental leave. So only a woman who gave birth can take those 16 weeks, but a father or any adoptive parent can take the other 36 weeks. In other words, if you adopt a baby, you can take up to 36 weeks of leave. If you give birth to one, you can take up to 52 weeks total between the two parents (with the father taking not more than 36 weeks of that). #maternityleave
I think "maternity leave" is a poor choice here, but I understand - and agree (more or less) with the general concept. Childless people like myself (who know that they do not want to have children, ever) do not view maternity leave as a vacation, or time off to chill around and sleep and catch up on TV. Maternity leave is an allotted amount of time to allow women (who so choose) to pursue a significant personal commitment.
Why do we designate some personal commitments and "time off" as worthy or beneficial to not just themselves, but society at large - but not others? Not writing a book (as someone mentioned), or taking classes, or helping others in their lives, or other investments that require time and energy? Why do some get paid (or unpaid leave) to cement these commitments, but not others?
I do consider myself a feminist, but above all, I believe in equality. I think that if some people are allowed this time to be busy with personal commitments (and yes, I know that motherhood and the stresses after childbirth are hard work), this should apply to all. Pregnant women shouldn't be privy to "extra" time, we should all be allowed "personal time" - time accrued, depending on how long we've stayed with a company or business. Paid for all, or paid for none.
Having children, taking care, and bonding with them after childbirth are not the only benefits that can come from taking personal leave. Childless women, and men, should have the same equal opportunity, without fear of having their job terminated or filled. If a woman works for a company for 8 years and takes a six month sabbatical or personal leave to take care of her newborn, all employees should be allowed the same opportunities to pursue commitments important to them. I don't hate, nor am I jealous of women who take maternity leave. I simply see it as a personal choice to take care of something valuable to you. Shouldn't we all be granted the same?
Sorry for the ramble... sure, this may sound harsh and probably unfavorable or insulting to someone, but it's my two cents, and I'm sure I'm not alone. #maternityleave
@dcwonderwoman: Word. You (the collective you) choose to have children. So when you take that maternity leave, that's what you are using it for. Give those of us that don't want to have kids the same amount of time to do something else.
My company gives us PTO (paid time off) - that's for sickness, mental health days, whatever you want to use them for. "Maternity leave" could really be something like "Short Term Leave" to use however you want. That way it's fair for everyone.
I'm sick of being the one who has to pick up the slack, because I don't have children. I need to invent a fake kid so I can leave work early to go pick her up.
@BowlingForDollars: Wow, you're like the little kid in the playground who whines and complains about not getting a lollipop because you think it's unfair that another kid got one for getting hurt.
Maternity leave serves a very valid purpose. It already IS fair to everyone. #maternityleave
@dcwonderwoman: @BowlingForDollars: I so agree with both of you.
I never thought of maternity leave as a vacation but having a baby has nothing to do with your job, its your personal life.
I choose to not have children, therefore why are the things I choose do, travel[?] less important than someone choosing to have a child?
Everyone should get a choice to leave and come back in allotted amount of time. #maternityleave
@dcwonderwoman: I agree, but see a possible problem. How many maternity leaves/six month career breaks would be allowed per woman, and what if someone changes their mind and decides they want to have kids, AFTER taking their allotted tranche of six month career breaks.
I just have a feeling it would backfire somehow. #maternityleave
@bowleserised: We all have choices. No one can have an unlimited time off with job security. I can't just take six months off, 9 months back, six months off, 9 months back, repeatedly, and expect my job to still be there when I return. Why should anyone? Why should people who take maternity or paternity be subject to more forgiveness in taking time off? My suggestion would be to allow accrued time off, or accrued sabbatical, depending on how long one is employed. If someone wants to take more (ie, taking a career break to do something and THEN have a child, as you suggested), then they are wholly free to do so. But don't expect your job to be there when you're ready to go back to work. Just as if I took six months to volunteer, and then wanted to take another six months to write a book about it. I have to make my choices - maybe wait until I've accrued more time, or leave my job.
We all live in a world of choices and compromises. Having a child is no more or less valuable than someone willing to use their time off/sabbatical/what not for something else. I don't see having kids as something that should be an exception. We all have choices and compromises to make in balancing our personal and professional lives. #maternityleave
@dcwonderwoman: And if everyone (male and female, obv.) accrued these sabbatical weeks equally and used them - whether to volunteer, or to have a kid - then there would perhaps be less discrimination against women of childbearing age in the jobs market. Because both the 28 year old female and the 40 year old male you were interviewing would be equally likely to take 6 months off work to pursue another goal, whereas at the moment it's assumed that the woman is more likely to do that and is therefore a less appealing candidate!
The other way to help combat this kind of discrimination is obviously for new mothers and new fathers to both get a lot of time off work to spend with their new baby. This also stops women being the only ones likely to ask for sabbatical/maternity/paternity leave. #maternityleave
@dcwonderwoman: No, I get the point about choice, but the practicalities bother me. There are already problems with companies (especially smaller ones) trying to finance maternity leave. And if it's "length of time in job" then you'll get sudden epidemics of people being sacked before they qualify. This would have to be state funded somehow. #maternityleave
I've seen a couple people mention paternity leave on here as well - as though it isn't a current option. Doesn't FMLA cover paternity as well as maternity (and for that matter, parent care, or any type of family medical leave needed)? Its not as though the US has paid maternity leave, so the men are currently offered as much as the women are. #maternityleave
@Raanne: It certainly does to my understanding. I made the mistake in one of my comments because I assumed that when we talked about maternity leave, we meant paid maternity leave and therefore I referred to a lack of paid paternity leave as a lack of paternity leave. It was confusing, I apologize. Another thing: I only discovered that paternity leave was guaranteed by the government last year (and I learned it on Jezebel). #maternityleave
@Raanne: I thought Family Medical Leave Act did cover (unpaid) leave for caring for sick parents, spouses and older (non-newborn) children . Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
For what it's worth, at my old employer a former co-worker of mine was able to successfully apply for two weeks unpaid leave to care for her sick mother. She had already exhausted her vacation and up to a week of her sick time, and I was under the impression that the FMLA was what made her leave possible.
@pumpkinsoup: Yes, this is precisely what it covers. You can also take time off if you adopt a child. Of course it's unpaid which makes it a non-option for many women (myself included). I'm just thankful I have a ton of sick & annual leave saved up for when our baby comes in May. #maternityleave
I'm old enough to have worked before the FMLA was enacted (thankfully before I had children of my own). I remember new mothers coming back to work three weeks after giving birth, which I think is crazy having gone through childbirth myself, or mothers not coming back to work at all. Unpaid or not, it's at least something.
And congratulations your impending adoption. #maternityleave
@pumpkinsoup: FMLA not only covers caring for children/other family members whom you are the primary caregiver for, it also covers any time off needed for chronic and/or serious medical conditions for yourself. It can be used as one lump twelve week period or intermittently. I don't believe twelve weeks is enough, I wish it was more. At my company it's one of the few types of leaves where you are not penalized with attendance points for an absence, so I've become very familiar with the ins and outs of FMLA in my role as a Union Steward. #maternityleave
How about everyone being eligible for up to six months of family leave for: having a child, caring for a family member who has - or one who is gravely ill, or providing hospice, or helping a sister or sis-in-law with a newborn? I'm all for a broad definition of family leave but not for entitled whiners. #maternityleave
@sybann: I think family leave would be a really good idea! I'm not sure who you think the 'entitled whiners' in this scenario are, though... #maternityleave
@Sarah Dove: The entitled whiners are those who feel that they should get paid leave just because new mothers get maternity leave (even though mat. leave is not a vacation of any sort). #maternityleave
@sybann: Why is the choice not to have children considered "entitled whining?"
If having a child is a choice, then why should others who chose not to have children have to suffer because of others' choices? We already do. When one member of staff is out, I have more work; why should I suffer because of that choice?
Admittedly, that "choice" furthers the species, but it's not a choice I made; still, I suffer negative consequences because of it. I think it's only fair that I get time off too, and I wouldn't classify that request as "entitled whining" any more than I'd say that someone who chooses to have children and chooses to have all the subsequent benefits and drawbacks (including every time that one needs to leave early because of a sick child, a play/soccer game/school event, or graduation) as "entitled whining" . . . I already have to cover for that person's choice. #maternityleave
@amenfro: Wow. Um, I agree with your viewpoint that it's fair that non-parents should get the same treatment regarding leave and workload responsibilities as parents, but I'm disappointed with the way you've stated it...and I'm not even a parent.
From what I've seen, most of my colleagues who are parents are bustin' their asses every day to balance work and home. And a few have come back from mat leave only to have their childcare arrangements abruptly fall through. Imagine that: you have a 3 month old baby, just get back to a job you love, and one week into it your nanny phones you up to quit. Whether one has kids or not, I think you have to be pretty callous not to understand how stressful that must be, especially in a society that is unforgiving of any distractions from work.
The tone of your comment suggests that the only "choice" is to just stay at home with the baby once you've chosen to have one (and hope your husband can/will support you for life!), so no one else has to "pay" for your choices. But I don't accept that notion.
Why not place the blame squarely where it should be: on a society which is so focused on the bottom line that it encourages and rewards companies that hire the bare minimum of employees, pay them as little as they can get away with, and encourages them to take as little time off as possible. We would ALL be better off by demanding equitable, generous policies that encourage our health and lives outside of work. That goes for men, women, parents and non-parents alike. #maternityleave
@amenfro: You misunderstood my reply - I was referring to people who think they deserve leave for no particular reason because someone got leave for a particular reason - to me, that's whining. People earn benefits like they earn respect or they (both) are of no value. #maternityleave
@sybann: Definitely. But I think that we've all "earned" something just by virtue of being human. I don't have any scientific proof on this, but I hypothesize that Americans would live longer if we didn't subscribe to the idea that it is necessary or desirable to work 50+ hours per week with 2 weeks off per year. Mostly, the media conversation centers on how this shortchanges women (whose responsibilities to care for families often make this impossible, see "mommy-tracking"), but I think this shortchanges men as well (who end up with shorter lifespans, the burdens of "breadwinning").
So, I think the first step is really saying "enough" to the workplace culture that constantly demands more time & effort from its workers, lest they find themselves in the unemployment lines.
Does that mean that the employer or government should bear all the cost of it? No, sometimes the employee should depending on how "voluntary" the need is. The place I work does a pretty good job of this, not that they're perfect or can't do more to improve.
But I think the basic idea is there: work-life balance is crucial, and so work expectations and sick/vacation policies are structured so that no one is getting worked to the bone every day. That's the basic piece of what you "earn" by being an employee.
Then, people with qualifying medical/family needs "earn" a bit more -- paid mat leave, etc.
And people who are strong performers should "earn" even more benefits: additional paid or unpaid time off to pursue their own projects/travel, etc. #maternityleave
@amenfro: Meh, I don't know. Basically you are subsidizing new mothers, it's true. You're doing more work while they go off and have babies and stuff. And that kind of sucks. But the alternative is, um, no new babies? Not tenable. Combine shitty or no maternity leave with a culture that makes it hard for SAHM's to go back to work and all of a sudden we're Japan and we all own tiny dogs in sweaters instead of kids (could be preferable, but still). And it's probably also not tenable to give everybody, with chidren or without, maternity leave.
Your argument is sort of like libertarians complaining about taxes. I've heard people say things like "I don't care if the money goes to maintain roads/dams/highways/. I prefer having more money over having passable roads." And the response to that, pretty much, is 'too bad'. You are getting value for money. You put in extra time and work, and you get out human beings who will one day make the robots who will work the jobs that pay for your Social Security check. #maternityleave
@amenfro: If your coworkers aren't clocking out for those soccer games, that's payroll fraud and legally punishable. Otherwise, with the exception of family medical leave - which you will also get to enjoy if you fall and break your leg, which probably hurts less than labor - you should, legally, be receiving the same amount of vacation and community service time based on seniority. If your employer is discouraging you from taking the leave to which you are legally entitled, that's a question of labor law. I would check your HR manual for the rules for community service leave, which is how many parents designate leaving work for school events. Childless people are also entitled to take community service leave in most organizations that offer it; several people in my old office used theirs to form a Habitat for Humanity building team.
While I'm proud of my breederly self for avoiding namecalling thus far, I cannot resist saying that that might be a better use of your time than complaining on the internet that people want to use unpaid time off to ice their vagina stitches.
amenfro promoted this comment
Edited by purpleshoes reminds everyone to take typing breaks and stretch, ow at 10/18/09 3:07 PM
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@shantidevi: I wasn't trying to imply that maternity leave is some magical vacation where mother and baby live in a Disney-esque post-labor Heaven. I certainly wasn't trying to diminish the enormous stress that having a baby and raising a child more generally is.
That said, I was trying to assert that having personal time off, even if one doesn't have children, is a solid notion and doesn't constitute "entitled whining," which was my own misreading of sybann's comment. (Sybann clarified below.) What I meant was that for childless people to want time off is no more entitled whining than for parents to want time off, though the former should not be classified under "family" or "maternity" leave. #maternityleave
@have.at.it: I'm not arguing that people should stop having children. I'm also not arguing that maternity/paternity leave should be shut down just because I personally will likely never need to use it.
Rather, I'm suggesting that a "stress leave" or "personal leave" should be available for childless workers and parents. Just as I already cover for other people's choices -- species-furthering as they may be* -- I think it's duly fair that they cover for mine: such as taking the time off community service, to write a book, to just take care of myself, etc. And I wouldn't be opposed to covering the slack for a parent who wants to take stress leave as well.
*And let's be honest. No one says, "I'm going to have a child to further the species." They choose to have children because they want to have children. #maternityleave
Secondly, I don't think I'm amiss in requesting, as a childless worker, that I get some form of personal leave -- I don't think that any system in which people work for 50 years straight with two to three weeks off annually is a healthy structure, regardless of your number of offspring (or lack thereof). I would also think that having a similar option available to parents would be only fair. This model -- where one has the option of maternity/paternity leave and personal leave, as needed -- lessens the odds of workers burning out and likely, increases the quality of individual and group work by decreasing stress levels over all.
Moreover, I wasn't trying to denigrate the time you spend "icing your vagina stitches." Nor was I implying that said time was time spent in some kind of Shangri-la, where everything is perfect and dandy. I was merely suggesting that my coworkers with kids have made choices that affect my life, and it doesn't end when their six months is up. (Based, again, on a misinterpretation of the "entitled whining" comment.)
If you want to do the "I'm not calling you a name, but I'm going to make a snide comment anyway' game, have at it. But I'd much prefer not to, with my childless free time. #maternityleave
@amenfro: I did not mean my exclamation points here to sound so strident - I was agreeing with you that these are different needs but they are still needs. I just don't understand where all these parents are going that isn't reflected on their timecards. I also get so mad when people act like caring for a child is some sort of personal hobby - like carrying out your responsibilities to your family is on the order of taking time off to go to a cake decorating contest. I'm happy for childfree people who are content, I am, but I have seen so many women forced out of the workplace and into shitty hourly jobs because there's no one else to pick up the family slack that I have developed a hair-trigger on this issue and it makes me mad and then rude to strangers on the internet. I haven't had kids yet, and again, I'm glad that in the "have kids or have a career" choice you've found a decision that's good for you. But the prospect of taking all of my interests, abilities, and passions and sinking them into working a Mommy Job for a pittance for twenty years because there's no way to work full-time and also be able to take your kid to the doctor when they fall off the swing set and have a head wound is unbearable. Yes, feminism has made choosing to have children a medical choice, not an inevitability, but the working world is still incredibly punitive towards primary caretakers of children, and forcing women out of the workplace if they choose to have a kid is a step back to the 1950s, not a brave step forwards. And you can't responsibly have a kid and not take sick leave because they have the flu, and not go to parent-teacher conferences, and miss every single soccer game because of work. Again, I don't see where the angry-childfree-people math comes from on this: if you never need to use your personal time off to go talk to little Timmy's teacher about how he stabbed some kid with a cafeteria fork, you have more time off, which you can use to find yourself.
Look, this is the major conflict of my adult life - the death of the careers of all the women I know the second they exercised their perfect right to pop out a sprog, no matter how determined they were to keep working, the way that nothing at all happened to their husband's careers, and the crushing knowledge that I want a family and this society makes that directly oppositional to self-development for women. I'm sorry I've annoyed you with my sarcasm, but this is a serious problem, and people who treat it like mothers are trying to get away with something by expecting other people to get the phone while they deal with a concussed six-year-old make me so upset.
Edited by purpleshoes reminds everyone to take typing breaks and stretch, ow at 10/18/09 4:59 PM
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@amenfro: Hmm, the proper thing to have added to the overcaffeinated screed below is that I do apologize if I was excessively rude to you - I have a bad habit of taking these threads cumulatively when they make me angry, instead of patiently working out the total of an individual user's comments so as to triangulate their position on the topic. Unfortunately, when a blog topic intersects with a real life crisis I am sometimes less measured than I would like. #maternityleave
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purpleshoes reminds everyone to take typing breaks and stretch, ow was unstarred
@amenfro: Thanks for clarifying, I totally agree with your basic point.
What I get worked up about is that so often the debate is framed as a zero-sum game: parents get this, therefore non-parents are getting screwed. I'm not reacting specifically to your post here, but also to things some of my friends have said or that I've seen in the media. I actually believe that both parents and non-parents are aided by agitating for a common cause.
When only parents get time off or flex time, the end result is Mommy Tracking. And only people who can/want to work 60+ hours a week will get ahead in their careers. When "working like a dog" is not considered a compliment, everyone benefits from a more equal playing field and time to do other things (be they family commitments, creative pursuits, or volunteer work).
Not to imply that it's Shangri-La either, but my husband is from a country where *everyone* works fairly sane hours and has at least 5 weeks vacation a year. (In fact, he got an extra week of vacation this year because we got married, and that's considered an important thing that requires extra time off, imagine that!) Plus your job has to be held if you're on extended leave for medical, parental, or stress reasons -- oh and the govt pays your salary for that time. On top of that, childcare is subsidized & state regulated, so one doesn't need to worry about where to get quality childcare, quit work because their salary can't cover daycare, or offload work to handle an emergency child-care situation. Finally, hours of schools/daycares are in line with work hours, so no one has to worry about how to re-jigger their work schedule to drop off/pick up little Susie from school. And because so many mothers work, little Susie's ballet recital isn't scheduled smack in the middle of the workday. End result: mothers who can balance work and career without guilt, fathers who have more time with their kids, no mommy tracking, non-parents who get to travel or pursue their non-work passions and don't risk getting fired over it! It's a win-win-win, in my opinion. So I feel like we ALL ought to be agitating for that. #maternityleave
@shantidevi: You're right, and this thread has shown how quickly we workers can fight amongst ourselves instead of more broadly changing a corporate culture where slogging away for 40 years with only 3 weeks off each year and maybe (?) maternity/paternity and sick leave is acceptable. #maternityleave
10/18/09
What about men? If this leave is no longer related to maternity, why would it apply only to women?
And along those lines, what about paternity leave? Research shows how important it is for the father to bond to their new child but men are still expected to be breadwinners, not parents. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/18/09
what you propose sounds dangerously like negative eugenics, that only certain types and classes of people are worthy of childbearing. you may be fortunate enough to have 200,000 dollars squirrelled away, but many working- and middle-class families do no, but they shouldn't be denied the right to procreate. the logic behind government assistance to families is not to foot to bill of selfish, unqualified people who dare procreate despite humble means, but to invest in future citizenry. #maternityleave
10/18/09
Procreation shouldn't be a privilege. It is a right to have a family. That's what choice is all about.
Feliciag's comment was so ignorant! We are already -- all of us -- "footing the bill for women who choose to breed" by funding education, children's health care initiatives, and the like. The problem is that parents are footing society's bills too, and they're being shortchanged. They give us new people, an invaluable resource, and we don't give them enough time, money, or resources in exchange. Canada's programs simply get closer to a true valuation of what mothers and fathers contribute to society.
P.S. Arguments about overpopulation simply do not apply to this country. India, yes. Indonesia, probably. The U.S.? Nope. We still have plenty of room and resources. And no one had better suggest that we just mass-adopt a bunch of Indians or Indonesians or whomever. Just don't even. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/19/09
Do you not have health insurance, either? If so, you're already footing the bill for people having kids just like they foot the bill when you go to the doctor. #maternityleave
10/19/09
10/18/09
10/17/09
I'm still praying for health insurance. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/17/09
I think there should be lots more flexible leave for parents and non-parents.
But yeah, don't tell me maternity leave is a vacation. I would have been LESS tired going to work than feeding, feeding, feeding constantly while trying to recover from a damn spinal headache. Feh. #maternityleave
10/17/09
I hope that the U.S. can move more towards a program like this.
It is one of the main reasons my husband and I chose to have our baby in Canada rather than the U.S. (he is American and I am Canadian) - the other reason being the cost of actually having your baby is covered by the national health care plan. We basically pay for our parking fee, and that's it.
I am utterly confused as to why this proposed sabbatical, which is what it is, is even being referred to as a "maternity leave" - or why, for that matter, it would only be extended to females? It seems like a perposterous idea that would only set women back in the workplace, giving the impression that women are weaker and need a break from their jobs. The reality is we could all use a break from our jobs! #maternityleave
10/17/09
Sure sounds like what I've used my vacation time for...you know, recovering from surgery, taking care of my husband when he had surgery, recuperating from the flu, hosting and organizing a family reunion or convention (time of stress, for sure!)...all of those things fall under "paid time off" (aka vacation time) at my work. Personally, I do think it's ridiculous, not to mention sexist, that women who choose to have kids get a "freebie" paid leave that will never be available to me, as a childfree woman, much less my husband. Even if I had kids, he'd never get to take any paid leave for it, short of burning out his vacation leave.
I agree with other commenters that there should be a provision for a sabbatical built into employment, but I think that should be it. If you choose to use your sabbatical for childbirth, that's fine. If you choose to instead use your vacation time, that's fine, too. A routine paid sabbatical is a far more fair way to handle necessary mid-length leave, whatever the reason.
I know I'm in the minority on this, but I just don't think pregnancy deserves special treatment versus all the myriad of other deserving reasons to need time away from work. #maternityleave
10/17/09
Childfree people often get the shaft at work anyway, because parents tend to call out so much more often anyway due to their childrens' illnesses and school events, with the childfree having to take up the slack.
And where was I when they started giving away six months--or a year (??)--of maternity leave? When I had my only child 13 years ago (before I became aware of environmental issues), I got only one week before her birth (I was entitled to four, but because she came early, I was jacked out of the other three), and had to return to my full-time job when she was exactly six weeks old. In my 21 years in the workforce, this is the longest period of time off I've ever had. Be assured, however, that I arranged for someone to be available to stay with my child whenever she happened to be ill well before she was conceived...I didn't want to be THAT coworker! #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/19/09
10/17/09
What is with this Calvinist culture, anyway? #maternityleave
10/17/09
Maternity leave is no party, and the responsibilities don't go away after a new parent comes back to work. But if people are under the impression that being off work for three months without pay and with health insurance expenses is what will make them happy, then as far as I'm concerned, they're free to go ahead with that. #maternityleave
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
What's wrong with just conceptualizing one's working life as needing a few months off at some point in the forty to fifty years of straight working? #maternityleave
10/17/09
10/17/09
Why do we designate some personal commitments and "time off" as worthy or beneficial to not just themselves, but society at large - but not others? Not writing a book (as someone mentioned), or taking classes, or helping others in their lives, or other investments that require time and energy? Why do some get paid (or unpaid leave) to cement these commitments, but not others?
I do consider myself a feminist, but above all, I believe in equality. I think that if some people are allowed this time to be busy with personal commitments (and yes, I know that motherhood and the stresses after childbirth are hard work), this should apply to all. Pregnant women shouldn't be privy to "extra" time, we should all be allowed "personal time" - time accrued, depending on how long we've stayed with a company or business. Paid for all, or paid for none.
Having children, taking care, and bonding with them after childbirth are not the only benefits that can come from taking personal leave. Childless women, and men, should have the same equal opportunity, without fear of having their job terminated or filled. If a woman works for a company for 8 years and takes a six month sabbatical or personal leave to take care of her newborn, all employees should be allowed the same opportunities to pursue commitments important to them. I don't hate, nor am I jealous of women who take maternity leave. I simply see it as a personal choice to take care of something valuable to you. Shouldn't we all be granted the same?
Sorry for the ramble... sure, this may sound harsh and probably unfavorable or insulting to someone, but it's my two cents, and I'm sure I'm not alone. #maternityleave
10/18/09
My company gives us PTO (paid time off) - that's for sickness, mental health days, whatever you want to use them for. "Maternity leave" could really be something like "Short Term Leave" to use however you want. That way it's fair for everyone.
I'm sick of being the one who has to pick up the slack, because I don't have children. I need to invent a fake kid so I can leave work early to go pick her up.
10/18/09
Maternity leave serves a very valid purpose. It already IS fair to everyone. #maternityleave
10/18/09
I never thought of maternity leave as a vacation but having a baby has nothing to do with your job, its your personal life.
I choose to not have children, therefore why are the things I choose do, travel[?] less important than someone choosing to have a child?
Everyone should get a choice to leave and come back in allotted amount of time. #maternityleave
10/18/09
I just have a feeling it would backfire somehow. #maternityleave
10/18/09
We all live in a world of choices and compromises. Having a child is no more or less valuable than someone willing to use their time off/sabbatical/what not for something else. I don't see having kids as something that should be an exception. We all have choices and compromises to make in balancing our personal and professional lives. #maternityleave
10/18/09
The other way to help combat this kind of discrimination is obviously for new mothers and new fathers to both get a lot of time off work to spend with their new baby. This also stops women being the only ones likely to ask for sabbatical/maternity/paternity leave. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
For what it's worth, at my old employer a former co-worker of mine was able to successfully apply for two weeks unpaid leave to care for her sick mother. She had already exhausted her vacation and up to a week of her sick time, and I was under the impression that the FMLA was what made her leave possible.
10/17/09
10/17/09
I'm old enough to have worked before the FMLA was enacted (thankfully before I had children of my own). I remember new mothers coming back to work three weeks after giving birth, which I think is crazy having gone through childbirth myself, or mothers not coming back to work at all. Unpaid or not, it's at least something.
And congratulations your impending adoption. #maternityleave
10/17/09
10/18/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
10/17/09
If having a child is a choice, then why should others who chose not to have children have to suffer because of others' choices? We already do. When one member of staff is out, I have more work; why should I suffer because of that choice?
Admittedly, that "choice" furthers the species, but it's not a choice I made; still, I suffer negative consequences because of it. I think it's only fair that I get time off too, and I wouldn't classify that request as "entitled whining" any more than I'd say that someone who chooses to have children and chooses to have all the subsequent benefits and drawbacks (including every time that one needs to leave early because of a sick child, a play/soccer game/school event, or graduation) as "entitled whining" . . . I already have to cover for that person's choice. #maternityleave
10/18/09
From what I've seen, most of my colleagues who are parents are bustin' their asses every day to balance work and home. And a few have come back from mat leave only to have their childcare arrangements abruptly fall through. Imagine that: you have a 3 month old baby, just get back to a job you love, and one week into it your nanny phones you up to quit. Whether one has kids or not, I think you have to be pretty callous not to understand how stressful that must be, especially in a society that is unforgiving of any distractions from work.
The tone of your comment suggests that the only "choice" is to just stay at home with the baby once you've chosen to have one (and hope your husband can/will support you for life!), so no one else has to "pay" for your choices. But I don't accept that notion.
Why not place the blame squarely where it should be: on a society which is so focused on the bottom line that it encourages and rewards companies that hire the bare minimum of employees, pay them as little as they can get away with, and encourages them to take as little time off as possible. We would ALL be better off by demanding equitable, generous policies that encourage our health and lives outside of work. That goes for men, women, parents and non-parents alike. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/18/09
10/18/09
10/18/09
So, I think the first step is really saying "enough" to the workplace culture that constantly demands more time & effort from its workers, lest they find themselves in the unemployment lines.
Does that mean that the employer or government should bear all the cost of it? No, sometimes the employee should depending on how "voluntary" the need is. The place I work does a pretty good job of this, not that they're perfect or can't do more to improve.
But I think the basic idea is there: work-life balance is crucial, and so work expectations and sick/vacation policies are structured so that no one is getting worked to the bone every day. That's the basic piece of what you "earn" by being an employee.
Then, people with qualifying medical/family needs "earn" a bit more -- paid mat leave, etc.
And people who are strong performers should "earn" even more benefits: additional paid or unpaid time off to pursue their own projects/travel, etc. #maternityleave
10/18/09
Your argument is sort of like libertarians complaining about taxes. I've heard people say things like "I don't care if the money goes to maintain roads/dams/highways/. I prefer having more money over having passable roads." And the response to that, pretty much, is 'too bad'. You are getting value for money. You put in extra time and work, and you get out human beings who will one day make the robots who will work the jobs that pay for your Social Security check. #maternityleave
10/18/09
While I'm proud of my breederly self for avoiding namecalling thus far, I cannot resist saying that that might be a better use of your time than complaining on the internet that people want to use unpaid time off to ice their vagina stitches.
10/18/09
That said, I was trying to assert that having personal time off, even if one doesn't have children, is a solid notion and doesn't constitute "entitled whining," which was my own misreading of sybann's comment. (Sybann clarified below.) What I meant was that for childless people to want time off is no more entitled whining than for parents to want time off, though the former should not be classified under "family" or "maternity" leave. #maternityleave
10/18/09
Rather, I'm suggesting that a "stress leave" or "personal leave" should be available for childless workers and parents. Just as I already cover for other people's choices -- species-furthering as they may be* -- I think it's duly fair that they cover for mine: such as taking the time off community service, to write a book, to just take care of myself, etc. And I wouldn't be opposed to covering the slack for a parent who wants to take stress leave as well.
*And let's be honest. No one says, "I'm going to have a child to further the species." They choose to have children because they want to have children. #maternityleave
10/18/09
Secondly, I don't think I'm amiss in requesting, as a childless worker, that I get some form of personal leave -- I don't think that any system in which people work for 50 years straight with two to three weeks off annually is a healthy structure, regardless of your number of offspring (or lack thereof). I would also think that having a similar option available to parents would be only fair. This model -- where one has the option of maternity/paternity leave and personal leave, as needed -- lessens the odds of workers burning out and likely, increases the quality of individual and group work by decreasing stress levels over all.
Moreover, I wasn't trying to denigrate the time you spend "icing your vagina stitches." Nor was I implying that said time was time spent in some kind of Shangri-la, where everything is perfect and dandy. I was merely suggesting that my coworkers with kids have made choices that affect my life, and it doesn't end when their six months is up. (Based, again, on a misinterpretation of the "entitled whining" comment.)
If you want to do the "I'm not calling you a name, but I'm going to make a snide comment anyway' game, have at it. But I'd much prefer not to, with my childless free time. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/18/09
Look, this is the major conflict of my adult life - the death of the careers of all the women I know the second they exercised their perfect right to pop out a sprog, no matter how determined they were to keep working, the way that nothing at all happened to their husband's careers, and the crushing knowledge that I want a family and this society makes that directly oppositional to self-development for women. I'm sorry I've annoyed you with my sarcasm, but this is a serious problem, and people who treat it like mothers are trying to get away with something by expecting other people to get the phone while they deal with a concussed six-year-old make me so upset.
10/18/09
10/18/09
10/18/09
What I get worked up about is that so often the debate is framed as a zero-sum game: parents get this, therefore non-parents are getting screwed. I'm not reacting specifically to your post here, but also to things some of my friends have said or that I've seen in the media. I actually believe that both parents and non-parents are aided by agitating for a common cause.
When only parents get time off or flex time, the end result is Mommy Tracking. And only people who can/want to work 60+ hours a week will get ahead in their careers. When "working like a dog" is not considered a compliment, everyone benefits from a more equal playing field and time to do other things (be they family commitments, creative pursuits, or volunteer work).
Not to imply that it's Shangri-La either, but my husband is from a country where *everyone* works fairly sane hours and has at least 5 weeks vacation a year. (In fact, he got an extra week of vacation this year because we got married, and that's considered an important thing that requires extra time off, imagine that!) Plus your job has to be held if you're on extended leave for medical, parental, or stress reasons -- oh and the govt pays your salary for that time. On top of that, childcare is subsidized & state regulated, so one doesn't need to worry about where to get quality childcare, quit work because their salary can't cover daycare, or offload work to handle an emergency child-care situation. Finally, hours of schools/daycares are in line with work hours, so no one has to worry about how to re-jigger their work schedule to drop off/pick up little Susie from school. And because so many mothers work, little Susie's ballet recital isn't scheduled smack in the middle of the workday. End result: mothers who can balance work and career without guilt, fathers who have more time with their kids, no mommy tracking, non-parents who get to travel or pursue their non-work passions and don't risk getting fired over it! It's a win-win-win, in my opinion. So I feel like we ALL ought to be agitating for that. #maternityleave
10/18/09
10/19/09