Angie And Brad Buy A Luxury Island Representing Ethiopia, And Other Facts Too Good To Check

I strongly doubt this "news" that Angie and Brad bought an island representing Ethiopia in that crazyass new development in Dubai the New Yorker wrote about, because it's obvs kinda tacky, though it would be sort of cool, just as it would have been cool if Elliott Spitzer had convinced enough legislators asswipe named… »11/14/07 8:00pm11/14/07 8:00pm

Dear Shawn Carter: Our Oil Reserves May Be Irreplaceable, But She Is Not

Sometimes all the substantial informative content I dish out every day leaves me craving a little informational dulce de leche, and I have some thing to go off to, so I'm just going to leave you with a few things I enjoyed today. There was the image of George Clooney coming to blows with Fabio, and Spencer Pratt's sex… »11/07/07 8:09pm11/07/07 8:09pm

Republicans Vote To Impeach Cheney?!? And This Billion Dollar House

Yesterday I wrote about a trillion dollar company and you seemed to like that, so today I'm posting this rendering of a billion dollar house, constructed by a trillion-rupee trillionaire, from the latest Portfolio, in honor of Portfolio parent company Conde Nast's "nesting" magazine House & Garden and the sad end of… »11/06/07 7:56pm11/06/07 7:56pm

The World's First Trillion Dollar Company Meets The World's Trillionth Naughty Underage Photo Scandal!

I can't act like I really want to do this post today. To be honest, the more I do this job, the more I feel like that crazy guy who recorded his life in 5-minute intervals crossed with a batshit Ron Paul supporter, and just because it turns out there are quite a lot of ardent Ron Paul supporters doesn't always make me… »11/05/07 9:39pm11/05/07 9:39pm

Hugo Chavez Receives Diplomatic Mission From Naomi Campbell And Her Rogue Mobile Phone

Happy Halloween! Yesterday sucked so bad I forgot about those days where the news is so weird you can only think, "who needs scripted television?" Ha ha ha ha, please don't go on strike people responsible for 30 Rock. But Kucinich told us about his UFO sighting on national TV, Naomi Campbell donned her best community… »10/31/07 9:18pm10/31/07 9:18pm

Lance Deserves Another Shot In Space Like You Deserve Another Shot Of Bourbon

Fires have engulfed Southern California including the Promises Rehab center, floods have seized Louisiana, 135 people are still dead in Pakistan and tomorrow in Florida NASA is launching a shuttle in hopes of getting some lady astronauts to do some housework in space, which reminds me that all I want to talk about is … »10/22/07 8:30pm10/22/07 8:30pm

Alica, Baby Jessica And Birth Control: A Bunch Of Crap Today That Caught Us Off-Guard...

Before tonight I never knew about Alicia Kozakiewicz, who was locked in a Herndon computer programmer's basement he was deluded enough to call a "dungeon" and raped at age 13 in a traumatic crime that pretty much makes her the most disarmingly hot victim of anything I've ever seen, except maybe Valerie Plame, whose… »10/17/07 9:00pm10/17/07 9:00pm

Virtuous Hackers Hijack Heidi, Various Coulters; Cheney Is Darth Vader To Barack Obama's Skywalker

Today rogue hackers appeared to have broken into the content management systems of the websites of controversial blondes Heidi Montag and Ann Coulter, but can we blame the hackers for the fact that Orlando Bloom just happened to have injured Ann's second cousin, or that Dick Cheney just outed Barack Obama as his… »10/16/07 8:59pm10/16/07 8:59pm

We've got another staff meeting I'm already late to but here's what you need to know: retail sales a

We've got another staff meeting I'm already late to but here's what you need to know: retail sales are down and America is being forced to shop at Wal-Mart again, the war is still on and the military is being forced to raise its signing bonuses to 35 grand and its "staying-on" bonuses to six figures and racism is… »10/11/07 7:45pm10/11/07 7:45pm

Madonna Leaves Gym, Record Label; Another Tragic School Shooting

Madonna left her record deal for a new, kind of crazy wide-ranging $120 million deal with Live Nation, which I'm pretty sure used to be called Clear Channel; apparently the deal is "unprecedented." In more precedented news: she wore an ugly shapeless tracksuit to the gym, an auto workers strike was averted and a kid… »10/10/07 9:00pm10/10/07 9:00pm