Pelt Yourself With Hash Browns: The Esquire Guide for Portly Men

There comes a time in every man's life when he, even if just for a second, wants to dress well for some reason or other. And sometimes that man is fat and wants some good advice. So he opens the pages of esquire and reads about how he should wear muumuus and onesies instead of shirts and slacks. Because he's fat.… » 9/04/14 9:30pm 9/04/14 9:30pm

BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now Fuckable

Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news,… » 7/10/14 4:00pm 7/10/14 4:00pm

Cameron Diaz Patiently Explains Her Child-Free Status

While some celebrity ladies are tormented by the tabloids about being, sad, lonely, or, better yet, "pregnant and alone," Cameron Diaz manages to grin her way through being unmarried and childless without being painted as tragic. And in the new issue of Esquire, she reveals that her attitude towards not having kids is… » 7/02/14 12:40pm 7/02/14 12:40pm

What Will Esquire Magazine's New Cable Channel Look Like? Some Theories

Attention, sophisticated males! It's clear that the media has been neglecting your needs for too long—where can affluent, well-groomed dudes in expensive suits go to get a little respect once in a while? But don't fret: in April of this year, G4 (you know, Nick Arcade: The Network?), will officially cease to be, and… » 2/12/13 2:40pm 2/12/13 2:40pm

Dudes, Relax: The Rise Of Women Does Not Mean the Fall of Men

Attention, men: I know the world is scary and weird right now. I know things are changing a little bit. I know that some of the women are restless and we complain sometimes and sometimes they let us make TV shows and say our opinions real loud. Sometimes we tell you about things you're doing—things you weren't even… » 8/09/12 11:30am 8/09/12 11:30am

New 'Fiction for Men' to Finally Offer Men the Chance to Read About Men…

Finally shedding the yoke of female dominance of the literary arts, the oft-ignored and long oppressed minority group known as "men" will finally have things to read made just for them. Starting in June, Esquire magazine will begin publishing a series of e-books called "Fiction for Men," finally giving voice to the… » 5/21/12 1:40pm 5/21/12 1:40pm