Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty

Today in bad advice: The ludicrous notion that $575 aviators and a $3,500 bomber jacket will make an otherwise meh dude suddenly fuckable to a woman who has decided she's not interested in him that way. Really Esquire, don't encourage them. » 11/02/14 6:00pm 11/02/14 6:00pm

Bullfighting More Interesting Than Anything Sexiest Woman Alive Says

This year, Esquire did something brave and wise: they gave the assignment of covering their appointed Sexiest Woman of the Year to "writer at large" Chris Jones. What they got was a beautiful article about the sport of bullfighting, with accompanying photos of Penélope Cruz. » 10/13/14 2:50pm 10/13/14 2:50pm

Pelt Yourself With Hash Browns: The Esquire Guide for Portly Men

There comes a time in every man's life when he, even if just for a second, wants to dress well for some reason or other. And sometimes that man is fat and wants some good advice. So he opens the pages of esquire and reads about how he should wear muumuus and onesies instead of shirts and slacks. Because he's fat.… » 9/04/14 9:30pm 9/04/14 9:30pm

BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now Fuckable

Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news,… » 7/10/14 4:00pm 7/10/14 4:00pm

Cameron Diaz Patiently Explains Her Child-Free Status

While some celebrity ladies are tormented by the tabloids about being, sad, lonely, or, better yet, "pregnant and alone," Cameron Diaz manages to grin her way through being unmarried and childless without being painted as tragic. And in the new issue of Esquire, she reveals that her attitude towards not having kids is… » 7/02/14 12:40pm 7/02/14 12:40pm

Socks With Sandals Are Never, Ever Okay

Two of the men at Esquire had a lively debate on Friday about whether socks and sandals are acceptable menswear. The answer is clearly no, but that didn't stop them from taking on the topic anyway. » 5/16/14 4:15pm 5/16/14 4:15pm

We Demand Audio of Tom Hardy Ranting About Trousers for 8 Minutes

Hey, Esquire: Cool how you put Tom Hardy on the cover of your May issue. Real cool. Actually got me to go to a newsstand and buy Esquire, and who can remember the last time that happened. » 5/02/14 3:00pm 5/02/14 3:00pm

Women's Magazine FINALLY Tells Us How to Decode the Opposite Sex

This month, Elle, a lifestyle magazine for women (whá-myn), and Esquire, a lifestyle magazine for men (mēhn), are teaming up to offer readers an invaluable look into to the mind of the opposite sex. » 4/16/14 1:20pm 4/16/14 1:20pm

How Seriously Should We Take the Deluge of 'Best Of' Lists?

Early in December, The A.V. Club released their list of "The best podcasts of 2013," compiled by 15 of their podcast reviewers. Of those 15 contributors, only one woman voted, and coincidentally or not, only one podcast hosted by a woman was included in the final list of the 10 best podcasts of the year. » 12/31/13 4:40pm 12/31/13 4:40pm

'What Is a Man?' Asks Esquire for the Third Time

Esquire is still asking the question, "What is a man?", purportedly because they have yet to find a satisfactory answer. During this round of querying, writer Tom Chiarella traveled the country and asked it 504 times over seven days.
» 6/03/13 3:20pm 6/03/13 3:20pm

Esquire Editor Says he Publishes Photos of Women the Same Way he…

At a panel discussion on advertising, Esquire U.K. editor Alex Bilmes let fly with a whole spiel about how his magazine treats women as "ornamental." And he would like a cookie now, please, for his "honesty." » 3/20/13 8:57pm 3/20/13 8:57pm

Shia LaBeouf's Apology Email to Alec Baldwin Was Plagiarized From …

Oh, Shia. Remember how cute and promising you were back when you were playing little Louis Stevens? What does Disney do to you people? (By the way, I saw the girl who played Ren in a coffee shop one time and it seems like she's doing fine. Do you talk? Maybe you should talk.) » 2/21/13 12:40pm 2/21/13 12:40pm

What Will Esquire Magazine's New Cable Channel Look Like? Some Theories

Attention, sophisticated males! It's clear that the media has been neglecting your needs for too long—where can affluent, well-groomed dudes in expensive suits go to get a little respect once in a while? But don't fret: in April of this year, G4 (you know, Nick Arcade: The Network?), will officially cease to be, and… » 2/12/13 2:40pm 2/12/13 2:40pm

Dudes, Relax: The Rise Of Women Does Not Mean the Fall of Men

Attention, men: I know the world is scary and weird right now. I know things are changing a little bit. I know that some of the women are restless and we complain sometimes and sometimes they let us make TV shows and say our opinions real loud. Sometimes we tell you about things you're doing—things you weren't even… » 8/09/12 11:30am 8/09/12 11:30am

New 'Fiction for Men' to Finally Offer Men the Chance to Read About Men…

Finally shedding the yoke of female dominance of the literary arts, the oft-ignored and long oppressed minority group known as "men" will finally have things to read made just for them. Starting in June, Esquire magazine will begin publishing a series of e-books called "Fiction for Men," finally giving voice to the… » 5/21/12 1:40pm 5/21/12 1:40pm

Have Men Really Stopped Liking Blowjobs?

Have blowjobs gone the way of the dodo? According to Geoff Dyer in Esquire, they pretty much have. Dyer claims that heterosexual fellatio has become the erotic equivalent of the leisure suit, peaking in popularity in the 1970s "when the culture was bigging up the blowjob." Now, he reports, guys just want to go down:… » 3/30/12 5:30pm 3/30/12 5:30pm

Hey Ladies: Be Better at Sex, Dummies!

Oh, cool. It's time for a groundbreaking male journalist to bravely tackle the most pressing issue of our time — that some women are bad at sex, some women aren't, and some women are in the middle. Quelle horreur! » 3/30/12 11:20am 3/30/12 11:20am

Newt's Ex Doesn't Give Us What We Really Want

The much-anticipated Nightline interview with Newt Gingrich's ex-wife Marianne aired last night — and it was the pffffffttt heard round the world. She'd claimed in the past that she could "end her husband's career with a single interview," but she certainly didn't release her Kraken when it would have done… » 1/20/12 11:10am 1/20/12 11:10am