Season's Greetings from Tony Blair and His Worst, Creepiest Smile 

On Monday, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, his teeth, and his wife Cherie released a Christmas card that would make all of the characters from Love Actually cry. Looking at it for too long is hypnotic in a kind of terrifying way. And it didn't take the internet long to jump on the Tony Blair Christmas Card… » 12/02/14 2:20pm 12/02/14 2:20pm

British Consumers Embrace American Tradition of Black Friday

In a beautiful gesture of reverse colonization (I mean, kinda) this year marks the very first time British retailers are participating in the American tradition of Black Friday. And it looks like the Brits are naturals at it—they've even taken to the standard trampling over each other and "mini-riots" Black Friday is » 11/28/14 1:03pm 11/28/14 1:03pm

Cops Investigating 'Sex Sounds' Find Man Making Love to a Mattress

Martin Gregory Coll, a 52-year-old from Derry, Northern Ireland was arrested on Saturday after he was caught doing the dirty with a Serta* in the parking lot of an assisted-living center. He couldn't hear the officers approaching because the porn on his handheld DVD player was apparently at the highest volume setting. » 8/26/14 5:50pm 8/26/14 5:50pm

Relentless Holiday Consumerism Slowly Turns People into Mannequins

LONDON, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 28: A man shouts through a mega phone to entice people into a store on Regent Street on December 28, 2013 in London, England. Shoppers across the country are re-emerging to take advantage of the post Christmas sales which had been hit by the recent bad weather, with many shoppers turning to… » 12/28/13 3:00pm 12/28/13 3:00pm

Cat Thief Taunts Owner with Letter from the POV of Kidnapped Cat

There’s a lot of casual evil in the world: people riding two abreast in the bike lane, dentists, people in coach who recline their seat all the way back just when you’re opening your complimentary dime bag of pretzel shavings, and, as of today, people who steal other people’s cats and write gloating missives from the… » 10/19/13 3:30pm 10/19/13 3:30pm

Baby King George's Nursery Will Be 'Africa Themed'

Proud new father Prince William told CNN that he and Kate Middleton's child — the Baby King of England — will spend his helpless infant days in a nursery decorated with the theme of "Africa." It's important to note here that when I say "Africa," I don't mean like all the terrible stuff that the British monarchy has… » 8/22/13 9:30am 8/22/13 9:30am

Imprison the Royal Family and Abolish the Monarchy

As the world waits with bated breath for the emergence of the latest—and cutest—member of the British Royal Family, allow us to put forth a gentle reminder: In a just world, this innocent child would be going up for adoption, since its family would have been imprisoned for crimes against humanity. » 7/22/13 5:50pm 7/22/13 5:50pm

Sikh Temples in England Advised to Beware of Same-Sex Unions

At least one religious group in the UK is throwing a mini-tantrum over the country’s Same-Sex Marriage Act, which (hooray!) received Royal Assent this week. Fearing that future legal challenges will force them to perform same-sex marriages, Sikh temples in England have been advised by a special advisory board called —… » 7/21/13 3:00pm 7/21/13 3:00pm

The Church of England May Allow Female Bishops...in Two Years

In the great race towards the 21st century, the Church of England’s time machine may be several decades ahead of the time machines of the other big Christian institutions (I imagine them to be racing Mario Kart style, but of course everyone’s free to make use of their own whimsy). On Friday, the Church of England… » 5/26/13 6:00pm 5/26/13 6:00pm

Fake Hufflepuff House Loses Its Shit When Real Badger Menaces Campus

Rarely does so perfect an opportunity to make fun of the sprawling, beloved world of Harry Potter emerge than it did in these past two weeks when an uncommonly large — one might say freakishly large — badger hauled its fuzzy bulk onto the ground of Folkestone School for Girls in Folkestone Kent, which is clearly code… » 5/26/13 5:30pm 5/26/13 5:30pm