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Hillary Clinton Spoke to Black Lives Matter Protestors, Has Zero Solutions


Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton spoke to Black Lives Matter protestors during her campaign stop in New Hampshire last week, but don’t give her a cookie just yet. In the short conversation, the candidate who’s often described as too practiced came across relaxed and more unfiltered than normal—but still… » 8/20/15 2:40pm 8/20/15 2:40pm

Fox News Announces the Ten Candidates for Thursday's GOP Debate

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and…

» 8/04/15 8:45pm 8/04/15 8:45pm

Breaking: Deez Nuts Up 8 Percent in the Polls Against Clinton & Trump

Presidential candidate Deez Nuts, who filed in Iowa last week on the independent ticket, already has a slight edge in the polls. Public Policy Polling has found that despite much of the country’s unfamiliarity with Nuts’s platform, a full 8% of Americans say they would vote for him over Clinton and Trump. » 8/04/15 6:10pm 8/04/15 6:10pm

How to Tell the Difference Between All the Dudes Running for President

Now that 7,000 American men and several drunk farm animals have officially declared their candidacies for President, keeping track of them has never been more confusing or difficult. Luckily, we’ve put together a “cheat sheet” with “quick trivia” to help the political layperson discuss with confidence the nuances of… » 7/22/15 1:45pm 7/22/15 1:45pm

Jeb Bush Thinks Lazy Americans Just Need to Work Longer Hours

Jeb Bush, in a concise summation of the mythical bootstraps ethos, told reporters at New Hampshire’s Union Leader that Americans need to work longer hours—despite the fact that Americans already work longer hours than citizens in any other industrialized nation. The hopeful future President of a country dealing with a… » 7/09/15 1:00pm 7/09/15 1:00pm

J Balvin Dumps Miss USA Gig After Trump's 'Mexicans Are Rapists' Comment

J. Balvin, an award-winning, Colombian-born reggaetonero who’s quite popular in the United States as well as internationally, has pulled out of his Miss USA performance in protest of Donald Trump’s ongoing racism towards Mexicans and other Latin Americans. “Ay vamos,” indeed. » 6/25/15 11:10am 6/25/15 11:10am

Would You Vote for Hillary Clinton Based on Her Spotify Playlist?

Hillary Clinton, Presidential candidate and purveyor of millennial-targeted merchandise, is fully ready to take this election thing by storm. And as everyone knows, to run for President, you have to have signature jams to back you up. Hillary just don’t stop thinkin’ about tomorrow. » 6/15/15 1:50pm 6/15/15 1:50pm

Florida Residents, Circa 2005: Oh No, Jeb Bush Loves Porn!

Jeb Bush’s decision to release *all* his emails is still biting him in the ass: messages from the mid-2000s indicate that the former Florida Governor invested over a million dollars of pension funds of his constituents in Movie Gallery, a national film rental company that yes, rents pornographic films. Yes, Jeb Bush… » 5/08/15 3:30pm 5/08/15 3:30pm

Proposed Walker Budget Would Slash Funds to Child Victims of Abuse

Here’s your semi-regular update on how Scott Walker—Wisconsin governor and possible future president of the United States of America—is attempting to drag his state into the ground. In a recent budget proposal, Walker suggests removing $238,000 worth of funding to child advocacy centers, a move so depraved that even… » 5/07/15 6:40pm 5/07/15 6:40pm

Would You Vote for Waka Flocka for Prez? Cause He's Running (Kinda)

In case you missed the 13 million tweets (and probably texts) reminding you, yesterday was 420. For the occasion of the holiday of our lord (Lord von Weedman), one of the world’s most dedicated herbalists announced his candidacy for president. That man is Waka Flocka Flame. » 4/21/15 2:10pm 4/21/15 2:10pm