According to Facebook, People Who 'Like' Michelle Obama More Likely to…

The facts are in from the internet and we cannot ignore our social media overlords! Apparently Facebook users who are fans of the FLOTUS on the omnipresent friend(-ish) network were more likely to click its voting button than those who declared themselves fans of pretty much anyone else. I can dig it, I'm pretty sure… » 11/20/12 10:50am 11/20/12 10:50am

Voting for Obama Was Totally Gay, and It Was Crucial to His Victory

Maybe speaking out in support of same-sex marriage was more than a moral move, after all. According to the gurus over at FiveThirtyEight, the gay vote was crucial to an Obama win this election. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OBAMA IS A GAY MUSLIM MUSLIN FILIPINO SPACE ALIEN FROM PLANET KENYAN BUTT PLUGS?? Or, uh, maybe it's… » 11/15/12 11:00pm 11/15/12 11:00pm

The Simpsons Effectively Mocks Karl Rove's Election Night Tantrum

Remember way back on Tuesday night when the former White House turd blossom wouldn't admit the Republicans had lost the presidential election, long after his fellow Fox News correspondents were like, "Obama won. Get it together, dude"? Well, merely six days later, mean Humpty Dumpty is being dealt another blow, this… » 11/12/12 10:50am 11/12/12 10:50am

Kid President Says Everyone Should Just Eat Some Damn Cupcakes

This child president knows what's up. I am not totally one hundred percent what's happening in this video, but this kid is hella cute. And he thinks adults are boring! Which is true! And he doesn't know why he painted his face... I have that same feeling whenever I put on makeup. We have so much in common! Kid… » 11/12/12 9:30am 11/12/12 9:30am

Racist Teens Forced to Answer for Tweets About the 'Nigger' President

There was an abundance of hate speech on Twitter after Obama's reelection, with people hurling violent and racial epithets. Many of those tweeters were teenagers whose public Twitter accounts feature their real names and advertise their participation in the sports programs at their respective high schools. Calls were… » 11/09/12 12:30pm 11/09/12 12:30pm

Thanks for Nothing: Romney Canceled Staff Credit Cards Before They…

Apparently Romney aides taking cabs home after his concession speech were told by their drivers that, "Dee-clined. Waa waahhhh." How embarrassing! It was a real Phyllis "They cut my credit card in half!" Neffler moment, yall. Must suck to get slapped with the reality of the assholery of the man they'd dedicated months or… » 11/09/12 9:30am 11/09/12 9:30am

Obama Gives Best Dad Speech Ever to Volunteers; Gets Something Stuck…

President Barack Obama delivers a thank you speech to volunteers at his Chicago HQ, and it's pretty damn great. He talks about moving to Chicago when he was 25, and how he didn't know at all what he was doing. So, you guys, if you are sitting at home picking your butt right now, THERE IS STILL TIME FOR YOU TO BE… » 11/08/12 11:00pm 11/08/12 11:00pm

A Cat Came in Third in Virginia's Senate Race

Bust out the meow mix because a FUCKING CAT came in third in Virginia's Senate race. With 6,000 votes, no less! Hank the Cat ran on a pro-feline, job-creation, unlimited access to Fancy Feast (salmon supreme flavor) platform. This is not a joke, this is our reality. Well, maybe it's both, but CATZ 4 PREZ IN 2016. » 11/08/12 9:00pm 11/08/12 9:00pm

My Ten Favorite Kinds of Right-Wing Temper Tantrums

I remember how I felt when George W. Bush was reelected in 2004—that pit of absolute unthinkable, desparate despair—and so I guess I should have a little more sympathy for the 150 Million Waaahmbulances of the Apocalypse currently flailing all over Twitter. And, beyond that, I should probably be sad about the overt… » 11/08/12 5:42pm 11/08/12 5:42pm

Arizona Is This Close to Electing an Openly Bisexual Woman to Congress

Conservatives, polish off your finest clutching pearls: after a close race, we're getting closer to a winner in Arizona's 9th Congressional district, and she's a Bill O'Reilly nightmare. Meet Kyrsten Sinema, a 36-year-old pro-LGBT, pro-environment, pro-choice, non-religious, openly bisexual Democrat in her thirties.… » 11/08/12 12:40pm 11/08/12 12:40pm

Evolution Is a Thing, and the GOP Better Get on Board With It

TV pundits from across the political spectrum keep talking about how the GOP needs to take in the changing demographics of this country — how it is getting less white, younger, etc. While that is true, the implication is that we're all morons who vote for the person whose skin color is closest to us. That's all fine… » 11/08/12 12:20pm 11/08/12 12:20pm

Navigating Your Post-Election Victory Depression

We are the champions, my friends. But just because voters roundly rejected antique social ideas and embraced candidates and laws that would have made the hippies proud, if only the hippie demographic didn't currently consist of old-ish white people who mostly voted for Mitt Romney doesn't mean that we can rest on our… » 11/08/12 11:15am 11/08/12 11:15am

Apparently Romney Lost the All-Important 'Slut Vote'

When not busy whining via various social media platforms, conservatives have spent the past few days trying to figure out how two really wholesome-looking Ken dolls lost out to a black guy. Now, the head of the Christian Men's Defense Network has some groundbreaking analysis: Romney failed to capitalize on the "Slut… » 11/08/12 10:25am 11/08/12 10:25am

Lesbians, Immigrants, and Harvard Professors: Get to Know Your…

The 113th US Congress will have 20 women senators, the highest ever in the country's history. Put that in your binder and smoke it! (Or you could say all of their terms synced up, JUST LIKE PERIODS.) Here's a primer on who's new, who's sticking around, and who's making history. » 11/07/12 5:00pm 11/07/12 5:00pm

Sarah Palin is Confused and Upset and Wearing Frosted Lipstick For…

Hopeful that a foray into 1984 fashion would bring about a 1984-style President with Reaganesque hair, Sarah Palin, expert clause attacher, appeared on Fox News last night to appear very worried and upset, and let America know that we're living in a "perplexing time." That makes one of us, Sarah. » 11/07/12 4:20pm 11/07/12 4:20pm

Here Are Some Intelligent Mississippi College Students Rioting Because …

Remember yesterday when Fox News kept showing that one smiling beret wearing black guy holding doors for people at a polling station and shrieking that they were being INTIMIDATED AT THE POLLS? Do you recall the last few months, how conservative commentators kept speculating that if Obama won, there would be riots in… » 11/07/12 2:40pm 11/07/12 2:40pm