Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
New York, 10:05 PM
Sun Nov 22
20 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
tips@jezebel.com
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
Email | Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
Email | Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
Email | Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
Email | Twitter
Sadie Stein
Email | Twitter
Reporter:
Irin Carmon
Email
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
Email | Twitter
Contributors:
Jenna Sauers
Email
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Lizzie Skurnick
Email
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
11/05/09
As it is, I've always taken what I view as an appropriately fatalistic view of the whole thing - *if* I find the right partner, *if* we both want kids, *if* I can biologically have them, then, well okay. If any of the factors don't line up and I still want kids, there's adoption (my dad was adopted, so it's not a foreign thing to my family). Even a generation ago, people just accepted that sometimes one's biology is not meant to reproduce itself, and they found other ways to have kids in their lives.
And yes, a "family" can consist of partners and their relatives - no biological kids necessary.
Personally, I'm much more comfortable with the idea that what is supposed to happen will just happen.
Of course, right now it looks like I'm not keen on having babies anyway, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man who has one child and wants no more, and I've always prioritized a partner relationship over the idea of a parent-child one, so perhaps I don't understand the mindset of someone who wants parenthood above and beyond all else. #fertilitytest
11/04/09
11/05/09
11/09/09
But I wish society would stop pressuring women into thinking that if they can't have children, that they are somehow failures because of this, or their husbands will leave them and cheat on them or some such. Celebs even going out and having surrogate mothers instead of adopting children who already need homes, who are stuck in the system and who want loving families.
It's just all very strange to me, because I come from a large family of adopters, some because of infertility and some not. I've done a whole lot of research on IVF, and other methods to reach that goal of impregnating ones self, and it's very striking to me, sort of scary, that many people view adoption as not an option.
This is why I was throwing it out there, to remind people, you know, it's not all about the stomach and the aches and the birth, sometimes it's about just love, and acceptance, and family. If this is offensive to anyone, then I'm sorry, but this is how I feel, deeply.
In my state alone 1,915 children need homes, 742 of them are the same age as my brother, and those numbers just make me want to cry, because in many ways, it seems like not enough people realize. [www.dcf.state.fl.us] #fertilitytest
11/10/09
Do you honestly believe that women who are having trouble conceiving are not already *aware* of this? It is, quite frankly, insulting. It sucks bad enough being infertile, but then people act like you are selfish for treating it.
Of course I have thought about adopting! I may very well follow that path at some point. But it is not easy and simple and all rainbow unicorn farts. I know people who spent tons of money and went through emotional upheaval, only to have the bio mother back out. My cousin adopted from the foster system and had to fight over two years to keep her kids because the bio mother changed her mind and despite her being on drugs and unstable, the system prefers to place children back with their bio parents when possible.
And yet, still people like you love to say "Why don't you just adopt?!" #fertilitytest
11/12/09
My parents also fought for my brother for 3 years to adopt him and they don't regret a moment of it, just like someone who was actually successful with IVF would not regret it. But if you put them side by side (in my state), adoption is cheaper, not only because the average amount of money spent to conceive a child with IVF is 10 thou to 100 thou dollars, but also because children adopted through the Florida foster care system have college tuition paid for in a four year college.
My brother never has to put himself through college, I feel proud that he's going to have a more stable education than me, especially in these times. This reasoning may sound stoic to some ("Why should I adopt when I can just have my own with IVF, my children are more important than money!") but to provide a child with a home and an education is, in my book, kind of a plus!
I do love to say that, I will never once feel bad about EVER saying that. It's ridiculous that you could find a problem with it at all. My boyfriend had to point out to me that your probably feeling things I never felt. What really makes this awful though, is that, if I wasn't in the same boat as you, you would act like my opinion didn't mater based on that. I didn't get angry and start flamming people who could have biological children, it's not been about me wanting to fix myself, it's been about me wanting to give all the love I can give, and about having a family based on that.
Of course, I was a huge advocate of adoption before I ever knew. So when I was told, I felt relieved to know what was going on, and I knew exactly my course of action. So we are different people, and I don't just tell infertile women to adopt, I tell everyone to, and I'm never going to stop. I'm not trying to fix your problems because I don't care about your damn problems, I'm trying to fix the problems of these cast aside children.
Again, the women who want to have a cure deserve a cure. I don't waver about that, I hope they can give you what you need to be happy. People deserve whatever family they want, but that opinion doesn't just stop at adults, which is why I'm passionate about it. #fertilitytest
11/13/09
Your initial comment saying "One word: Adoption" on a post about infertility was completely insensitive. For me to infer that you were judging people who chose to pursue treatment instead of adopting was not a stretch. Adoption can be a great way to build your family. However, it is not right for everyone and so often women who are infertile are treated as though they are being selfish for wanting to pursue treatment instead of adopting an older child with disabilities through the foster system.
I get the impression that you are still pretty young. I hope you are able to build your family the way you want - but realize that it is a complex matter and what is right for you may not be right for everyone. #fertilitytest
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
"But what does your boyfriend think? Soon, you'll be too old to have a baby."
...I'm 22. "Uh, he agrees with me."
"Well, the clock's a-ticking!" (I like to insert a LOL here, because if they were typing, I think they would add one instead of punctuation)
My "boyfriend" never gets that. He is also reminded that my "clock" is ticking. THANKS GUYS. #fertilitytest
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
"A gummy worm!"
No... that's not a gummy worm... #fertilitytest
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/04/09
11/05/09
08/05/09
"Why do the French only eat one egg? Because it's un oeuf!"
08/05/09
08/05/09
Today it is mostly Dump N Stir shows which don't really teach you about one of the most important components of GOOD cooking....patience.
To me, it is the equivalent of comparing an extended sexual session, complete with many orgasms (female) versus a "quickie" - the former being so much more satisfying.
I'd like to think real cooking will make a comeback
08/05/09