Jezebel
crappy hour
Posts Tagged “
Economics
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crappy hour
crappy hour
Obama Is A Machiavellian Ari Gold Sellout! Will Scarlett Johansson Notice?
Yesterday while Crappy Hour was in progress Barack Obama totally sold out the like MAJOR ISSUE OF HIS WHOLE POLITICAL CAREER and we didn't really talk about it because the campaign's media fellater relations department still hadn't distributed its key talking points, but then they sent out this video and as you can see, there is really no need for Obama to take $80 million from you taxpayers in the interest of running a "clean" campaign if he has made quite enough money already collecting from clean individuals like you and me! (Put another way: why build a welfare state when, like Toqueville pointed out, Americans have such a rich tradition of charity, concern for fellow man etc?) Anyway, so it's Friday, which means that even if we don't think this financing thing is such a huge biggie David Brooks is using it as a chance to dissuade Scarlett Johansson from carrying such a heaving torch for Obama by likening him to a fictional soulless Jew and Peggy Noonan is reminding us again of the meaning of life and everyone else is still fighting about oil and Megan and I try to get to the bottom of how much we can blame the crap economy on the war and get distracted by cute patriotic dogs. More »
crappy hour
Oil: There's No Doubt, We're In Deep Guys!
So Big Oil is finally going to get some payback for its tireless efforts promoting that disastrous invasion of The Iraq! Megan and I are sooooo happy for them. The "unusual" no-bid contracts about to be awarded to Exxon, BP, Shell, Total and Chevron reunite all the original partners in the Iraq Petroleum Company that held a monopoly on Iraqi oil exploration until 1961 when some communist decided that wasn't "fair" to the Iraqi people and nationalized oil, which is incidentally what the Republicans are accusing the Democrats of trying to do over here. Newt Gingrich was on Fox this morning telling everyone America needs to "Declare Energy Independence" on July 4 this year but like this apparently Robert Palmer inspired propaganda poster points out we're probably going to have to figure out how to detox somehow, which would be one thing if we had some sort of growing employment sector to withstand the rising prices, like the South Koreans who are busy making all the ships out there looking for oil. That and Obama says no thanks to a nationalized campaign, some Bear Stearns guys get arrested and Larry Sinclair is insane with me and Megan after the jump. More »
crappy hour
Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This But Please God Only Like 200 More Right?
God, where to begin today. Maybe with the fact that while your mortgage payment was tripling, Goldman Sachs's earnings fell a whole entire 11% ?? Or like, while the Justice Department was systematically sacking any and all prosecutors whose decisions on things like habeas corpus and torture and crap fell anywhere to the rational side of "automated Bush surrogate," the Pentagon was firing an official for the grave offense of noticing a billion dollar overage on a KBR invoice? Or how even as the net income necessary to join the Top 400 plutocrats, adjusted for inflation, has tripled since the beginning of the Clinton Administration, the McCain campaign is dissing on Obama's economic policy proposals for their inadequate FAITH IN THE MARKETS??? (Wait, was that a question? I don't even know anymore.) Megan and I babble about who should get taxed more and how — and she nominates Hitchens — after the jump. More »
news roundup
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Hates His Nose In This Picture
- Khalid Sheikh Mohammed thinks the courtroom artist drew his nose too wide. He lost a bunch of weight on the Guantanamo diet and totally turns out to be one of those secretly vain terror masterminds. [USA Today]
- This will shock you: Bob Dylan is voting for Barack Obama. Okay, I was kidding about the shocked part. [Times]
- There was this whole movement afoot to strongarm Barry into picking Hillary over some of his other bros but I think Hillary took a step back and said, "You know, this is bullshit, I don't care anymore, if he wants me he wants me," and although the hardest part about doing that is always the realization that he's probably gonna be all "It ain't me babe," I'm glad she did that. [NY Times]
- You just have to accept that in the Catholic Church shit takes awhile, and that if a priest is accused of pedophilia it might take a few years or even decades to remove him. Now, if he mocks Hillary Clinton and it ends up on YouTube, on the other hand, now that is when you gotta sever all ties right away. [Chicago Tribune] [The Root]
- Well this is a new one: alcohol cutting your risk of arthritis. I pretty much always thought gout was arthritis, and that you get that from wine, so this is pretty awesome news, not that I would even notice I had arthritis what with the shakes and whatnot. [BBC]
jezenomics
7 Reasons This Is Not A Recession
Surely you've heard by now but we'll pat our aching, aging backs one more time because we're just so elated — America is NOT IN A RECESSION! The American Gross Domestic Product actually grew last quarter, which was a huge disappointment to the whining Marxist doomsayers so intent on making Americans forget they are living in the greatest civilization that ever danced with the stars. Well, we've seen the data, Americans. We've scanned the fine print and scoured the blogosphere so you wouldn't have to, and we are here to tell you: it's true. The American economy grew last quarter, and we know exactly why. So don't listen to the haters! In lieu of the usual evening news roundup, Jezebel is here to bring you the seven reasons this great nation is still on the upswing. More »
the game theory
Game Theory Reveals Why Local Amateur Game Theorist Is Still Single
Slate got a philosophy major named Mark Gimein to apply Game Theory to the problem of Women My Age And Older Who Can't Find Husbands. (What an unusual move, couching Tyra-grade subject matter in grandiose academic terminology!) I read it because I never really understood "game theory" and I still don't, but here's the takeaway: dating is like eBay, meaning it rewards freaks who know how to game the system and will Stop At Nothing to nail that pair of rare limited-edition vintage...uh... widgets, and people like me who find eBay profoundly frightening will die alone. Which is all fine, I have accepted as much. But wait! What the fuckery is this? More »
crappy hour
Really Important Debate: Does Barack Obama Bowling Like A Fag Mean He Is One?
Americans! We are not exactly not known for excess! But on this, the first of April, perhaps it is time to start a national IM dialogue on whether we have finally somewhat overdosed on the absurdity! For instance, the government is supposed to spend $1.6 trillion on weapons with names borrowed from the Twilight Zone and the financial system is supposed to be $1 trillion in debt, most likely thanks to "partnerships" named for Star Wars creatures and added to the $9 trillion we already have that is ...already a comically large sum of money we are going to borrow a bunch of money to pay back... some people are calling it the Great Depression...and yet the stock futures! They are looking hopeful! Food stamps are more popular than ever in the history of food stamps and yet people are still so sapped for new forms of escapism that they played the I.O. Digital Cable commercial twice in the course of one Crappy Hour! Oh yes, and Obama is too "dainty" for bowling! Not that anyone goes bowling ever. Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier and I discuss all that and Paula Abdul and Deborah Gibson and Atlantic City and many many more muddled metaphors for our hilarious joke of a world, ha ha. More »
crappy hour
Hillary: Just Too Geeky?
Hey guys! In honor of Hillary losing big last night in Wisconsin, we decided to talk substantively about the "issues" today. If you don't click you're choosing sizzlin' style over nourishing policy substance. So...have we lost you yet? Hillary lost big with her blue-collar white base in the past few states. Now John McCain has totally been sending beady little rhetorical bullets at Barry Osama's grammatical biscuits and Hillary has resorted to our favorite pastime, demonizing the very financial services industry that employs her pretty daughter. It's panic button time! And what does that mean for your morning hosts, me and Megan Carpentier (newly of Glamocracy!)? It means a totally riveting conversation about entitlement programs, semiconductors and steel tariffs! Jump for our love! More »
dismal science
