Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the beginning of the end. America, a once great nation (arguable), has descended into complete depravity — and it's all thanks to some jackass junior bro "comedians" (read: idiots with a camera phone and a hard-on for their own shit jokes).

In an awful, cringe-inducing, stupid prank that was also an epic waste of time and resources, the Today show and Joe Jonas concocted an elaborate ruse that painfully unfolded on live TV this morning.

Remember back in 2012 when we thought that the world might be ending at the end of the year? O! Such simpler and more optimistic times those were! Sadly, however, things didn't go the Mayans way and the human race continues to plod into 2013, living and breathing and fighting and loving and legitimizing stupid words…

Your Klout score, a number between one and 100 which is supposed to be "a representation of your overall social media influence" based on "more than 400 variables on multiple social networks beyond your number of followers and friends," is only slightly better at predicting your future success than a rousing game of …

Kyle and Christopher Massey, brothers and former and current Disney stars respectively (Zooey 101, That's So Raven, and spinoff Cory In The House, filed a suit in federal court today against dilettante and professional asshat Bristol Palin, claiming that they created the reality TV show about Palin's life with son…

As we all know, everything delicious is terrible for you. That is especially true of sweets, which are so tasty but also can cause nasty things like diabetes. Still, most of us are able to convince ourselves that eating sugar probably won't kill us. Sure, but you know what will happen if we keep stuffing our faces…

American teenagers may be falling behind in math, science, and ability to ascend a flight of stairs without passing out, but they've proven time and again that they're world leaders in discovering innovative ways to kill brain cells. Case in point: a half dozen California teens have ended up in local emergency rooms…

All this time we ladies thought going to McDonald's and ordering a burger and downing it with some fries was really turning the guys on, which is obviously why we all went there in the first place. But it looks like we have been terribly mistaken. Our milkshakes might in fact be driving boys from the yard Playland—at…

What was in the forefront of your mind while reading the Hunger Games? Let's say it together: "HOW DO I GET HUNGER GAMES SKINNY?" Luckily, the folks over at Daily Burn have created a Hunger Games workout regimen just for the thousands (millions, probably) of people like us who want to become "an archer like Katniss or…

Hey, guess what was trending on Twitter earlier today? #TerribleNameForAVagina. (And #TerribleNamesForAVagina.) Some examples:

Women: don't you sometimes just want to pee in their mouths?

Ahmed Hasnain was arrested after he hired an escort from a service and two ladies showed up in his motel room. He didn't want two. He only wanted one. So he tried to get his money back. When he couldn't, he dialed 911 (at 5 A.M., when all bad decisions are made), and was promptly busted for patronizing a prostitute.

Today in political types who don't know how to use the phone, a Wisconsin Congressman is drawing criticism for saying he'd like to "smack around" a constituent — all while her voicemail was recording.

This is the image that (according to Fox news) has necessitated therapy for a child and is emblematic of our society's gender confusion.

An insightful lesson, in eight steps.

Yesterday we were introduced to "hegan." Today, it's "chexting," and its close friend, "brexting." No, really.

That's the subject header of an email that just came in from the HuffPo. Snow news day, indeed. [HuffPo]