Good News, Reddit: 'Friend Zone' Gets Added to the Oxford Dictionaries
Remember back in 2012 when we thought that the world might be ending at the end of the year? O! Such simpler and more optimistic times those were! Sadly, however, things didn't go the Mayans way and the human race continues to plod into 2013, living and breathing and fighting and loving and legitimizing stupid words…
Professor Vows to Grade Students Based on Their Klout Scores, Which…
Your Klout score, a number between one and 100 which is supposed to be "a representation of your overall social media influence" based on "more than 400 variables on multiple social networks beyond your number of followers and friends," is only slightly better at predicting your future success than a rousing game of MASH.
Massey Brothers Slap Bristol Palin With Serious Allegations Of Being…
Kyle and Christopher Massey, brothers and former and current Disney stars respectively (Zooey 101, That's So Raven, and spinoff Cory In The House, filed a suit in federal court today against dilettante and professional asshat Bristol Palin, claiming that they created the reality TV show about Palin's life with son…
Sugar Is Making Us Stupid
As we all know, everything delicious is terrible for you. That is especially true of sweets, which are so tasty but also can cause nasty things like diabetes. Still, most of us are able to convince ourselves that eating sugar probably won't kill us. Sure, but you know what will happen if we keep stuffing our faces with …
Hand Sanitizer Chugging Proves American Teens May Be World's Stupidest
American teenagers may be falling behind in math, science, and ability to ascend a flight of stairs without passing out, but they've proven time and again that they're world leaders in discovering innovative ways to kill brain cells. Case in point: a half dozen California teens have ended up in local emergency rooms…
The Dumbest Yelp Thread Ever: 'Is It Just Me? Women Eating McDonald's a…
All this time we ladies thought going to McDonald's and ordering a burger and downing it with some fries was really turning the guys on, which is obviously why we all went there in the first place. But it looks like we have been terribly mistaken. Our milkshakes might in fact be driving boys from the yard Playland—at…
Here Are Some Tips to Get You Hunger Games Skinny
What was in the forefront of your mind while reading the Hunger Games? Let's say it together: "HOW DO I GET HUNGER GAMES SKINNY?" Luckily, the folks over at Daily Burn have created a Hunger Games workout regimen just for the thousands (millions, probably) of people like us who want to become "an archer like Katniss or a…
Why Is 'Terrible Names For A Vagina' Trending On Twitter?
Hey, guess what was trending on Twitter earlier today? #TerribleNameForAVagina. (And #TerribleNamesForAVagina.) Some examples:
Bar Features Hilarious Urinals That Look Like Women's Mouths
Women: don't you sometimes just want to pee in their mouths?
Dude Orders Hooker, Doesn't Like What He Gets, Calls Cops, Gets Busted
Ahmed Hasnain was arrested after he hired an escort from a service and two ladies showed up in his motel room. He didn't want two. He only wanted one. So he tried to get his money back. When he couldn't, he dialed 911 (at 5 A.M., when all bad decisions are made), and was promptly busted for patronizing a prostitute.
Genius Congressman's Smacking Threat Captured On Voicemail
Today in political types who don't know how to use the phone, a Wisconsin Congressman is drawing criticism for saying he'd like to "smack around" a constituent — all while her voicemail was recording.
Boy's Pink Nailpolish Throws Nation Into Crisis
This is the image that (according to Fox news) has necessitated therapy for a child and is emblematic of our society's gender confusion.
Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini…
An insightful lesson, in eight steps.
Another Day, Another Dumb Neologism: Beware Of "Chexting"
Yesterday we were introduced to "hegan."
Corny Courtroom Humor, Starring Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan was in court today, after a probation report found she failed to comply to attend alcohol counseling since her 2007 DUI. Sad! But you know what's not sad? Making up courtroom jokes.
"I'm Pregnant," And Other "Lies" Twitterers Say Women Tell
Need a healthy dose of gender stereotyping, with an added dash of creepy? Check out the newly-popular Twitter tag #liesgirlstell, where men and women list all the ways ladies are supposedly stretching the truth.
Brow Beaten
Oh brother. [Glamour]
Oops, She Did It Again
Commenter "scarletbegonia" was frighteningly prescient on Friday when she wrote
'Miss USA' Marketers: Watch This Pageant Cuz Pretty Chicks Are Idiots!
It's taken us a while to get around to this, but the new commercial for the Miss USA pageant — airing on NBC on April 11 — is sort of a mindfuck. Instead of sweeping previous embarrassing moments under the rug, NBC is embracing them and encouraging TV watchers to tune in because they might just see a beautiful woman…