Justin Bieber Won't Take DUI Plea Deal Because Drug Testing

Justin Bieber is prepared to reject a plea deal prosecutors have offered in his Miami Beach drunk drag racing escapades., mostly because he's unwilling to submit to random drug testing, mostly because he smokes a lot of weed, mostly because hobbies that 19-year-old millionaires specialize in such as sex, video games,… » 2/23/14 11:30am 2/23/14 11:30am

Woman Buys Car Just to Ram It Into a Kroger (For the Second Time)

For the second time in 15 years, June Ann Blocker has rammed a car through her local Kroger. This time, she purchased a new one — a four-door Lincoln— hours before she used it to plow through the front of the Elizabethtown, Kentucky store. Blocker's dispute appears to have to do with a long-standing vendetta against… » 2/08/14 2:45pm 2/08/14 2:45pm

Canadians, Please Come Pick Up Justin Bieber and Take Him Home.

Canadian export Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami last night for drunk driving, and a Dade County judge set Justin Bieber's bail at $2,500 (approximately how much he makes every time just .00002 seconds of "Baby" is played). As the antics of a 19-year-old boy grow ever more tiresome, Americans must wonder: Is there… » 1/23/14 5:45pm 1/23/14 5:45pm

Dina Lohan Arrested for Driving While Completely Wasted

Dina Lohan's blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit, which would've been fine if she she hadn't been barreling through Long Island in her Beemer at 77 MPH. She was arrested and now the family almost has enough mugshots between them to market a novelty set of playing cards (that I would buy). » 9/13/13 12:16pm 9/13/13 12:16pm

Reese Witherspoon's Husband Gets DUI; She Asks Cop: Do You Know My…

Reese Witherspoon and her husband Jim Toth (co-head of motion picture talent at CAA) were pulled over in a Ford Focus (!?) on Friday at midnight in Atlanta. Toth was weaving between lanes; turns out he was drunk driving. Witherspoon was annoyed, and then angry, and finally started throwing her name around. The… » 4/21/13 7:30pm 4/21/13 7:30pm

Amanda Bynes: The Breakdown of a Meltdown

A week after paparazzi photos surfaced of Amanda Bynes smoking weed and driving (with a suspended license), the actress has been the subject of tabloid speculation that she is the next Lindsay or Britney — which is basically just shorthand for "female former child star whose transition into an adult career has been… » 9/18/12 5:00pm 9/18/12 5:00pm

Coquettish Talking Urinal Cakes Implore Michigan Men To Not Drink And…

Because the news is basically just a Family Guy cut-away waiting to happen, certain Michigan waterfront bars—where men make up 80% of drivers in fatal alcohol-induced crashes— are employing a new tactic in DUI prevention for July 4th. Maryland-based manufacturing company Wismark's "interactive urinal communicator" has… » 7/04/12 4:30pm 7/04/12 4:30pm

Katy Perry Taking Showbiz Hiatus to Slather Vaseline on Raw, Sensitive…

Katy Perry — now dating Ghostbuster Dan Florence + The Machine guitarist Robert Aykroyd — is taking a break from showbiz after her doc Katy Perry: Part Of Me is released, in order to let her heart and/or cupcake boobs heal after Aldous Snow poured Malibu rum all over them and devoured them en flambé. If she spends… » 6/25/12 9:00am 6/25/12 9:00am

Highly Stoned Mom Leaves Her Baby on the Car Roof and Drives Off

We've all been so worried about bath salts, but maybe we really ought to be more concerned about marijuana because it's to blame for one of the more horrifying parenting fails in recent memory. It happened in Phoenix, Arizona, this weekend when a very stoned 19-year-old mother named Catalina Clouser set her baby on… » 6/03/12 8:00pm 6/03/12 8:00pm

Tip: When Being Arrested, Don't Try To Tell Cops To Arrest Someone Else…

When 64-year-old Linda Szczepanski was arrested for drunk driving last week, she had some advice for the officer involved. She told him he "should not be messing with little old ladies and senior citizens," and that instead, the police should "start arresting some pedophiles" and "get rid of the Mexicans." Her blood… » 4/15/11 4:46pm 4/15/11 4:46pm