College Student Starts Driving Barbie Car After DUI, Becomes Hero

Here’s the scoop: A Texas State University student got a DUI. As a result of the DUI, her license was automatically suspended and her dad took away her car. And then she was like ‘Fuck you, law! I am awesome!’ and started driving a Barbie jeep around campus because she didn’t want to get a bike (because “riding a bike… »9/03/15 8:45pm9/03/15 8:45pm

20-Year-Old Iowa Bro Drives Stoned, Invents the Arrest Selfie

According to the Iowa City Press-Citizen, Gilbert Phelps was pulled over for speeding at around 2 a.m. last Thursday, and was taken into custody for a breath test after the officer, Ben Hektoen, noticed “an odor of ingested alcohol coming from the cabin of the vehicle.” From Hektoen’s filed police report, which you… »8/10/15 12:00pm8/10/15 12:00pm

Cancelled Anti-DUI Campaign: Drunk Driving as Scary as Banging an Uggo

Encouraging folks not to drink and drive is a good idea with many ways of implementation. You could make it harder to drink, you could make it harder to drive, you could make it easier to get home. Or, you could simply remind young men of the danger that they might fuck a girl who isn’t really that hot. That’s what… »7/16/15 10:50am7/16/15 10:50am

Woman Does Extraordinary Number of Whip-Its, Crashes SUV Into Mailbox

There are just so many ways to grab Wednesday and bend it to your will, to tell Wednesday, “Listen up, Wednesday, I am the boss of you and soon you will disappear over the horizon, utterly forgotten, just like Monday and Tuesday before you.” Some people buy a venti iced caramel macchiato, some people post a #HumpDay… »6/03/15 5:40pm6/03/15 5:40pm

Florida Woman Texts 'Drunk Driving Woo' Before Fatal DUI Accident

Mila Dago is a 24-year-old woman from Miami who, in August of 2013, was going through a rough breakup, according to the Miami Herald. Driving a rented SmartCar in the wee hours of the morning after a night of partying, Dago sent her ex a slew of messages, the last of which were “Driving drunk woo,” “Ill be dead thanks… »5/01/15 5:25pm5/01/15 5:25pm

Father of Drunk Driver Blames 'Lack of Fathers' For Baltimore Riots

On conservative talk radio host Laura Ingraham’s show today, senator and presidential candidate Rand Paul blamed the riots in Baltimore on “the breakdown of the family structure” and “a lack of fathers,” among other things. Rand Paul’s own son has been arrested three times on alcohol-related charges, including assault. »4/28/15 1:50pm4/28/15 1:50pm

Mother Sues Police for Taking Nude Photos of Daughter after Car Crash

After nearly five years, trial is set to begin next week in a lawsuit filed by the family of Jessica Mejia, a 20-year-old Chicago woman killed in a car crash caused by her ex-boyfriend. Mejia’s family is suing the Cook County Sheriff’s Office for allegedly undressing Jessica’s body after the crash and taking nude… »4/21/15 4:10pm4/21/15 4:10pm

Justin Bieber Won't Take DUI Plea Deal Because Drug Testing

Justin Bieber is prepared to reject a plea deal prosecutors have offered in his Miami Beach drunk drag racing escapades., mostly because he's unwilling to submit to random drug testing, mostly because he smokes a lot of weed, mostly because hobbies that 19-year-old millionaires specialize in such as sex, video games,… »2/23/14 11:30am2/23/14 11:30am

Woman Buys Car Just to Ram It Into a Kroger (For the Second Time)

For the second time in 15 years, June Ann Blocker has rammed a car through her local Kroger. This time, she purchased a new one — a four-door Lincoln— hours before she used it to plow through the front of the Elizabethtown, Kentucky store. Blocker's dispute appears to have to do with a long-standing vendetta against… »2/08/14 2:45pm2/08/14 2:45pm

Canadians, Please Come Pick Up Justin Bieber and Take Him Home.

Canadian export Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami last night for drunk driving, and a Dade County judge set Justin Bieber's bail at $2,500 (approximately how much he makes every time just .00002 seconds of "Baby" is played). As the antics of a 19-year-old boy grow ever more tiresome, Americans must wonder: Is there… »1/23/14 5:45pm1/23/14 5:45pm

Dina Lohan Arrested for Driving While Completely Wasted

Dina Lohan's blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit, which would've been fine if she she hadn't been barreling through Long Island in her Beemer at 77 MPH. She was arrested and now the family almost has enough mugshots between them to market a novelty set of playing cards (that I would buy). »9/13/13 12:16pm9/13/13 12:16pm