It all comes down to this. Drugs vs. Alcohol. Caffeine vs. Champagne. Whereas all men must die, one March Madness competitor can live forever as the God of Inebriation. Your vote decides which will be remembered (and forgotten) as the substance that tried and failed and which will achieve immortality in our hearts and…
Booze hounds and dope fiends, we have arrived at the March Madness: Drugs vs. Alcohol Final Four and soon — within mere days — this violent, furious competition will come to a close with only one winner. Looks like we've come to the eeeeeend of the roooooad and still I can't let these drugs and alcohols go.
SPORTS LANGUAGE! EVEN MORE INTENSE SPORTS LANGUAGE! ALL-CAPS! WELCOME TO MARCH MADNESS DRUGS VS. ALCOHOL'S TOOOOOOOOOOP EEEEEEEIGHT.
I'm shakin'! I got the sweats! The doctor says I have a fever and the only cure is moooooooooooore MARCH MADNESS.
March Madness marches on: So much booze. So many drugs. So little time.
SWEET SASSY MOLASSY! We've reached the end of the top 32, which means next week we'll be knee deep in the Sweet Sixteen! How time flies! Now, like they do in the Hunger Games, let us honor our fallen tributes.
IT'S MARCH! MADNESS! DAAAAAAAAY FOOOOOOOUR! ***Crowd goes wild***
It's only day three of Jezebel's March Madness: Drugs vs. Alcohol and some of the races are already tight tight tight! Yesterday, Gin knocked Rum out of the running by a slim 131 votes! In this case, I'm sad to say that "close" earns you a big fat nothing. Sorry, Rum. We'll catch up with you in mojito season.
March Madness marches on! Today we have some really interesting games. Are you into Quaaludes? Bath Salts? Jack Daniels? Red Wine? You've come to the right place.