<

Very Chilled Out Bro Arrested for Possession of 10,000 Xanax Pills

Ryan Patrick Jones, a 22-year-old University of Alabama student and chillest rich kid alive, was arrested on Wednesday evening by agents from the West Alabama Narcotics Task Force. They reportedly found 10,000 Xanax pills and 141 grams of marijuana in his house. That is basically the above picture multiplied by 555.… » 7/16/15 9:30pm 7/16/15 9:30pm

Woman Does Extraordinary Number of Whip-Its, Crashes SUV Into Mailbox

There are just so many ways to grab Wednesday and bend it to your will, to tell Wednesday, “Listen up, Wednesday, I am the boss of you and soon you will disappear over the horizon, utterly forgotten, just like Monday and Tuesday before you.” Some people buy a venti iced caramel macchiato, some people post a #HumpDay… » 6/03/15 5:40pm 6/03/15 5:40pm

New Super Powerful Drug Called Flakka Wreaking Havoc on Florida

Flakka sounds like it would be a good time. Named after a Spanish slang word for “pretty woman,” it seems like it would feel like a trip to the moon on gossamer wings, but the name is misleading: Flakka is a potent stimulant that turns people aggressive and violent, making them believe they have superhero strength.… » 5/27/15 3:30pm 5/27/15 3:30pm

How to Bring Drugs on an Airplane

First, obviously, we’re talking recreational! I assume that if you are trying for a bulk sort of operation, there’s no way in hell you’re getting your tips here anyway, but yes, maybe worth saying regardless: this is for short trips and small amounts only. Maybe you’ve got an occasion on your hands in a remote… » 5/21/15 1:30pm 5/21/15 1:30pm

Remember That One Wedding That Was Actually a Huge Drug Sting?

If there’s ever a reason to not show up to a wedding, it’s the risk of being arrested. So if you’re planning a wedding and want to invite some of your favorite drug dealers, you should probably just send the save-the-date to someone else. After the Shiawasse County fake wedding in 1990, it’s unlikely they’re going to… » 5/14/15 7:10pm 5/14/15 7:10pm

Weed Is Not for Women: A Dispatch From Cairo

Looking for weed as a woman traveling alone is, in the eyes of many, akin to declaring that you have zero moral compunction. Drug hunting abroad necessitates seeking out a series strange men, most of whom want to have sex with you. I’d felt this way at times in Europe, but Egypt is where it really begins to sink in. » 4/30/15 1:10pm 4/30/15 1:10pm

DEA Head Will Resign In Light of All Those DEA Sex Parties 

Michele Leonhart, the head of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, is reportedly due to announce her resignation sometime very soon. Leonhart is said to be resigning over a scandal in which DEA agents attended sex parties paid for by drug cartels and oftentimes thrown in the DEA’s own taxpayer-funded living… » 4/21/15 9:00pm 4/21/15 9:00pm

Heroin-Laced Bible Plot Foiled by Dog 

Two people in a far-away land called "southwest Ohio" attempted to smuggle a heroin-laced Bible into the county jail. A seemingly brilliant criminal plan, yet their plan was foiled by a brave drug-sniffing dog. The heroic dog noticed that the Bible did not emanate its usual, sweet scent of holiness. Rather it reeked… » 1/17/15 11:00am 1/17/15 11:00am