Heroin use has exploded across the American northeast, and, according to Governor Paul LePage of Maine, men with names like “D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty” are to blame.
Hooray! Girl power! A new generation of female leaders of Mexican drug cartels are proving that women are just as capable of being bloodthirsty sociopaths with no regard for human life or decency as their male counterparts! You've come a long way, baby.
And in the end, it was a white Catholic guy who drove Barack Obama to quit his radical, black Muslim separatist Church of Latter-Day Erstwhile Standup Comedians. Anyway, meet Father Michael Pfleger. He doesn't even preach at Trinity Church, he's just a regular on their "You Can't Do That On The Vatican" open mic…