I Went to a Simulated Teen Drinking Party and It Freaked Me the Fuck Out

I’m far from the target audience for the simulated teen drinking party I attended last weekend—that audience being freaked-out parents who want to see what really goes on at the hormone-fueled ragers their children are just starting to attend—but let me start by saying that the whole thing was very effective. I was… » 5/04/15 3:45pm 5/04/15 3:45pm

This DGAF Strategy Is the Only Way to Win the Dreaded Bouquet Toss

As a dude, I'm biased, but I love the bouquet toss at weddings. Not only because I'm usually so drunk I can't feel my teeth, but also because it's the only game you can win (existentially speaking, anyhow). For many women, however, the bouquet toss is a matter of being coerced, once again, into playing a game which… » 1/07/15 1:15pm 1/07/15 1:15pm

How to Drink All Night at the Holiday Party and Not Be That Guy

Listen, drinking all night is not healthy. But it's holiday party season, that perfect storm of open bar and all of your colleagues waiting to see who will be this year's obnoxious, puking, passed out and/or dead person at the party. Don't be that guy. » 12/12/14 5:21pm 12/12/14 5:21pm

First off, let's review the science of drunk. In order to survive…

The Drunken Lawless Masses Are Menacing Commercial Flights

There is a lot to feel anxious about when traveling by air: you are in a sealed metal container hurtling through the sky; there could be a supernatural menace lurking in the cargo hold; sometimes they play reruns of Two and a Half Men on the little in-flight TVs.... Increasingly, though, a different type of terror… » 8/01/14 4:00pm 8/01/14 4:00pm

Middle-Aged Party Moms Can Drink Boring Young Ladies Under the Table

Now that I'm hurtling toward my middle-thirties, I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. I got drunk once this week—on Sunday, by accident, kind of—and three days later my head still feels like it got screwed on sideways, I started crying because my boyfriend was "making a weird face" and wouldn't admit it, and I… » 6/04/14 3:45pm 6/04/14 3:45pm

Science Proves that Beer Goggles Are Real, But Are They Really So Bad?

Bad news, frat boys. (Or good news? I'm not sure.) It turns out, according to a new study, that "beer goggles"—that thing where you get wasted and then you accidentally think that ugly people are hot and then you wake up the next day like, "GROSS! A MONSTER!" because you are inherently better and more valuable than… » 5/14/14 12:30pm 5/14/14 12:30pm

Cider Is Fucking Awesome. End of Story.

This has been a winter of cider-shame. Shame at glancing down at the recycling in my apartment only to note that its only contents are dozens and dozens of empty bottles of Angry Orchard cider. Shame at ordering cider at a bar in front of people ordering cocktails. Shame at being gingerly handed a tall blue can of… » 5/01/14 4:50pm 5/01/14 4:50pm