This Week in Tabloids: Angelina and Brad's 'Bizarre' Parenting Methods

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand to purchase the new issues of In Touch, Life & Style, Ok!, Us and Star, so that together we may dig into moist, rich celebrity tabloid dirt. This week: Tom Cruise is wearing his midlife crisis on his face; Kim Kardashian spent $23K… » 4/09/14 3:20pm 4/09/14 3:20pm

Coachella Is a Scenester Nightmare Hellscape

Music festivals used to be a place for people to gather to listen to their favorite bands, make some love in the mud and maybe get stabbed to death by the Hells Angels, but sadly, those wholesome days are over. These days, festivals (and their attendees) are less focused on enjoying music in a communal space and more… » 4/04/14 5:45pm 4/04/14 5:45pm

Wedding Diets Are Evil and Just Make Women Feel Like Shit

It took more than a year of wedding planning, but it finally happened: I snapped and started frantically scanning the Internet for weight-loss schemes. A couple of unflattering pictures from a bridal shower and I basically blacked out and woke up a half an hour later, hovering over the "buy" button on a Groupon juice… » 3/25/14 2:20pm 3/25/14 2:20pm

Whole Milk and Butter Make People Skinny Now, Says Science

Milk drinking isn't a hobby for everyone — only those of us with enough enzymes can indulge in the sweet, delicious mammary juice that spurts from the machine-manipulated udders of a stressed cow that wonders everyday why the small, hairless apes who've imprisoned her in a barn factory insist on treating her like a… » 2/16/14 3:00pm 2/16/14 3:00pm

Detox and Lose Weight on the 'Werewolf Diet'

The latest arbitrary excuse for for unhealthy food restriction totally effective and science-based weight loss system is the Werewolf Diet, supposedly practiced by Madonna and Demi Moore, which helps people (lol @ "people"—shit like this is always for women) lose weight by tailoring their eating habits to the phases of… » 1/30/14 1:20pm 1/30/14 1:20pm

The Complete Guide to Never Ever Ever Getting Fat

BUMMER ALERT, HAIRLESS PRIMATES! New research suggests that keeping yourself warm might be making you fat. You see, when the external temperature drops, your body burns more calories in order to warm itself—6% more calories, to be exact, according to Dutch researchers—but when you crank up the central heating to 72,… » 1/27/14 3:00pm 1/27/14 3:00pm

Awful Diet Pills Got a Woman Committed, Claims Lawsuit

And you thought shitting your pants on Alli was bad: A 26-year-old Army Reservist and sociology student is suing an East New York health food store, alleging that "Natural Lipo X," the not-at-all-fake-sounding fat-burning pills they sold her, were so messed up that she was briefly committed: » 1/09/14 10:50am 1/09/14 10:50am

You Will Be Shocked at What This Year's 'Best Diet' Requires of You

U.S. News and World Report, known mostly for its essentially meaningless rankings of institutes of higher learning, is getting into the diet game. Just what you'd always hoped would happen! So, with so many fun diet trends out there, which will be No. 1? A diet that mandates you eat one lump of oats every nine and a… » 1/07/14 6:55pm 1/07/14 6:55pm

Science Gel Could Help Dieters Caulk Their Own Bowels

Good news everybody (who has decided to take up the "lose weight" hobby for the early stages of the New Year)! SCIENCE, that monolith of snazzy ideas that has helped us, as a species, do everything from land on the Moon to create indestructible breakfast cereals, may have devised an excellent way to fight obesity — a… » 1/05/14 12:30pm 1/05/14 12:30pm

Rumble Tooth: A Haptic Connected Fork Gets Reviewed

By this point in your life of mining the internet for weird shit, you've no doubt heard of the HAPIfork, that utensil that aims to keep you from eating your marshmallow gummy bear casserole too quickly by vibrating if you start behaving like a ravenous jackal and take bites any faster than at a stately 10-second… » 1/01/14 1:30pm 1/01/14 1:30pm

Blake Lively Says She Has A Great Body Because Of Chocolate

In news that you will make you think Willy Wonka is behind all those vast global media conspiracies we keep telling you are just 'silly,' Gossip Girl thespian and perfect dress wearer Blake Lively says NOPE, when it comes to her famous figure, she doesn't exercise or train or diet or count calories or get illegal… » 11/03/13 3:23pm 11/03/13 3:23pm

Lose Weight with Beef Tea and Stewed Fruit on the President Taft Diet

William Howard Taft was, notoriously, our fattest president, weighing in somewhere between 314 and 340 pounds during his term. One time he got stuck in a bathtub or something (maybe). This is literally the only thing anyone remembers about President Taft, even though—little known factoid—he was actually doing all kinds … » 10/15/13 3:20pm 10/15/13 3:20pm

Being on a Diet Might Make You Shittier at Everything

Okay, so, it's sort of a no-brainer that super-severe calorie restriction (i.e. being really, really hungry all the time) can do a number on your ability to focus on everyday tasks—because, you know, your brain needs calories to function just like the rest of your body. But one new study suggests that even… » 9/27/13 6:15pm 9/27/13 6:15pm