Everything I Fucked Up While Trying to Eat Like Gwyneth for a Week

If there's one thing I love, it's cheese-covered gluten. And if there are two things I love, they're cheese-covered gluten and making fun of lifestyle guru and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow. So when I came across a copy of Gwyneth's 2014 diet book It's All Good ("delicious, easy recipes that will make you look good and… » 6/27/14 2:10pm 6/27/14 2:10pm

Here's Why It Matters that the Senate Grilled Dr. Oz Over Diet Scams

Senator Claire McCaskill, chair of the Senate's Consumer Protection panel, is NOT JAZZED ABOUT DR. OZ. In fact, she spent half of Tuesday grilling him on why he keeps going on television and telling people that if they just eat enough $45 magic beans they'll wake up with a thigh gap like a soccer goal (and then:… » 6/19/14 5:20pm 6/19/14 5:20pm

This Chick Eats 51 Bananas a Day to Stay Thin

Meet Freelee "The Banana Girl," a self-styled diet guru who has developed a program consisting of large meals of a single raw fruit or vegetable. In one YouTube video, she demonstrated how she consumes 51 bananas in one day, adding a new, pun-y layer to the whole "you are what you eat" ethos. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. » 4/11/14 12:10pm 4/11/14 12:10pm

This Week in Tabloids: Angelina and Brad's 'Bizarre' Parenting Methods

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand to purchase the new issues of In Touch, Life & Style, Ok!, Us and Star, so that together we may dig into moist, rich celebrity tabloid dirt. This week: Tom Cruise is wearing his midlife crisis on his face; Kim Kardashian spent $23K… » 4/09/14 3:20pm 4/09/14 3:20pm

Coachella Is a Scenester Nightmare Hellscape

Music festivals used to be a place for people to gather to listen to their favorite bands, make some love in the mud and maybe get stabbed to death by the Hells Angels, but sadly, those wholesome days are over. These days, festivals (and their attendees) are less focused on enjoying music in a communal space and more… » 4/04/14 5:45pm 4/04/14 5:45pm

Wedding Diets Are Evil and Just Make Women Feel Like Shit

It took more than a year of wedding planning, but it finally happened: I snapped and started frantically scanning the Internet for weight-loss schemes. A couple of unflattering pictures from a bridal shower and I basically blacked out and woke up a half an hour later, hovering over the "buy" button on a Groupon juice… » 3/25/14 2:20pm 3/25/14 2:20pm

Whole Milk and Butter Make People Skinny Now, Says Science

Milk drinking isn't a hobby for everyone — only those of us with enough enzymes can indulge in the sweet, delicious mammary juice that spurts from the machine-manipulated udders of a stressed cow that wonders everyday why the small, hairless apes who've imprisoned her in a barn factory insist on treating her like a… » 2/16/14 3:00pm 2/16/14 3:00pm

Detox and Lose Weight on the 'Werewolf Diet'

The latest arbitrary excuse for for unhealthy food restriction totally effective and science-based weight loss system is the Werewolf Diet, supposedly practiced by Madonna and Demi Moore, which helps people (lol @ "people"—shit like this is always for women) lose weight by tailoring their eating habits to the phases… » 1/30/14 1:20pm 1/30/14 1:20pm

The Complete Guide to Never Ever Ever Getting Fat

BUMMER ALERT, HAIRLESS PRIMATES! New research suggests that keeping yourself warm might be making you fat. You see, when the external temperature drops, your body burns more calories in order to warm itself—6% more calories, to be exact, according to Dutch researchers—but when you crank up the central heating to 72,… » 1/27/14 3:00pm 1/27/14 3:00pm

You Will Be Shocked at What This Year's 'Best Diet' Requires of You

U.S. News and World Report, known mostly for its essentially meaningless rankings of institutes of higher learning, is getting into the diet game. Just what you'd always hoped would happen! So, with so many fun diet trends out there, which will be No. 1? A diet that mandates you eat one lump of oats every nine and… » 1/07/14 6:55pm 1/07/14 6:55pm

Science Gel Could Help Dieters Caulk Their Own Bowels

Good news everybody (who has decided to take up the "lose weight" hobby for the early stages of the New Year)! SCIENCE, that monolith of snazzy ideas that has helped us, as a species, do everything from land on the Moon to create indestructible breakfast cereals, may have devised an excellent way to fight obesity — a… » 1/05/14 12:30pm 1/05/14 12:30pm

Rumble Tooth: A Haptic Connected Fork Gets Reviewed

By this point in your life of mining the internet for weird shit, you've no doubt heard of the HAPIfork, that utensil that aims to keep you from eating your marshmallow gummy bear casserole too quickly by vibrating if you start behaving like a ravenous jackal and take bites any faster than at a stately 10-second… » 1/01/14 1:30pm 1/01/14 1:30pm