Sex On The First Date Is A Fictional Fuck

I went on a date a month ago with a boy I met on an online dating site. "Met" meaning he'd sent me a few witty messages and his pictures were decent enough to warrant an IRL pass. "Date" meaning we made plans to grab a quick drink in Brooklyn after work. When he walked in, 20 minutes late, I perked up –- he was model… » 10/24/11 12:50pm 10/24/11 12:50pm

I Would Do Anything For Love/My iPhone

Anyone with a phone will laugh and tell you they're addicted to it, but this whole addiction thing is beginning to look like it's a lot more serious than we all thought. Earlier this week, in the New York Times, author Martin Lindstrom laid out his case that we might actually feel something like love for our mobile… » 10/02/11 2:15pm 10/02/11 2:15pm

'Madam, You Are A Laughing Monster, Very Primitive!'

This weekend I encountered one of the biggest assclowns I've ever met. He is so assclown-y, in fact, that I would like the whole world to know. » 8/18/11 12:40pm 8/18/11 12:40pm

The Mental Burden Of A Lower-Class Background

A few years ago my mom took a short-term nursing job at a hospital in the Sacramento area. This was a huge deal for her. She had never been to California, hadn't lived outside of our rural area of Oklahoma since she divorced my dad when I was a baby, and had never worked at a "big city" hospital. She feared she… » 7/07/11 4:25pm 7/07/11 4:25pm

My Love Affair With "Like"

A couple of months ago, I spoke in front of a class taught by a crony of mine who teaches at a local university. The presentation went well — I thought — and the students asked questions that indicated that they'd been listening, and no one threw any rotten fruit in my direction and only one kid fell asleep.… » 6/26/11 2:16pm 6/26/11 2:16pm

My Best Guy Friend Became My Best Girlfriend

My friend Juno and I both need to pee. Bad. As the movie credits roll, we shuffle out of the darkened theatre and book it to the restrooms. The men's entrance is on the left, women's on the right. This is the moment when we split and pivot towards our respective labels, like we've done at the countless bars and… » 6/15/11 6:00pm 6/15/11 6:00pm

How Addiction Turned Me Into a High-Flying Hooker

Before dropping me off in the dark, dank sewer water of my bottom, my addiction took me to a variety of fun places. My friends and I went to the best bars and parties, snuggled up with people who presumably were very good-looking when they weren't so strung out, yelled "woo" a lot, and posed for pictures in which we… » 4/19/11 12:40pm 4/19/11 12:40pm

Why I Won’t Fuck A Girl Again

Last week I was lucky enough to see LCD Soundsystem's final show. Afterwards, drinking with friends, I mentioned that I met two straight girls who were nice enough to both let me stand with them for a while, for they had better seats than I, and who also spent an hour hitting on me before ascertaining that I "liked… » 4/14/11 12:42pm 4/14/11 12:42pm

The Time I Almost Got Pregnant By A Guy Who Pooped Crystals

When I was 24, my long-distance boyfriend dumped me. I was stranded in New Mexico, running down the clock on what had been a less-than-inspiring year teaching high school with the AmeriCorps program. I loved the kids, but getting paid $10,000 a year to work for people who'd founded a charter school on a lark had taken… » 4/01/11 2:13pm 4/01/11 2:13pm

My Childhood Priest Is Now A Suspected Child Molester

Last week, the Archdiocese of Philadelphia announced that 21 priests were suspended from ministry after they were cited in a scathing grand jury report as child molestation suspects—in cases that go as far back as the 1990s—involved in a larger cover-up conspiracy by higher-ups in the church. One of the priests on… » 3/15/11 5:20pm 3/15/11 5:20pm

Teenage Wasteland: Your Old Diaries Are Awkward, Awe-Inspiring

A month ago, we asked you to send us a page from your old journals. Today, we reveal our submissions, and you get a peek at the secret turmoil that was meant only for the dear diary. » 8/31/09 4:00pm 8/31/09 4:00pm