Before Demi Lovato returns to The X-Factor to fill the voids left by Britney Spears and L.A. Reid, Simon Cowell wants her to lose some weight, and had no problem telling her as much despite her hospitalization two years ago that was in part due to bulimia. Transfixed by his deep V-neck, staring into the dark,…

After her lil' detour at an electronics store, Lindsay Lohan checked into rehab. Two minutes later, she checked out and derped away quickly, chanting: "I'm not going to rehab. I'm not going to rehab. Take me back to the airport."

Glee star and "Frankenteen" Cory Monteith, who's previously been open about his troubled past as a delinquent teenager, has checked into rehab for substance abuse. His rep confirms to People: "[Monteith] has voluntarily admitted himself to a treatment facility for substance addiction [...] He graciously asks for your…

Don't worry, "beautiful, sexy ladies," Rick Ross totally didn't mean to imply that it would be awesome to drug and rape you when he rapped: "Put molly in her champagne, she ain't even know it / I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it." What he meant to say was that no one should ever ever do that,…

Queen of Controversy M.I.A. is currently embroiled in a vicious custody battle over her 4-year-old son, Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman, with her estranged ex-fiancé Benjamin Bronfman, the environmentalist son of Seagram heir Edgar Bronfman Jr. (and part of the younger generation of almost-too-cool dilettante-ish…

Kim Kardashian was rushed to an L.A. hospital in tears on Tuesday night after she felt something had gone awry with The (Second) Most Important Baby of Our Time, shortly after she got off a plane from Paris. (She was seeing a Givenchy show with Kanye West.) She's fine, fortunately, and was sent home the following day…

Lindsay Lohan has moved back into her teenage bedroom on Long Island with mom/"cool mom"/party friend Dina because Thomas Wolfe was wrong: you CAN go home again. Supposedly she's returned home to help pay the mortgage on the Lohan family abode (although she herself is strapped for cash, so I don't really see how that'll…

The universe works in mysterious ways, but occasionally a gear will click into place and simplify at least one aspect of your troubled adult existence. Examples: cheese going on fries, and the fact that Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen are dating. See? Motherfucking TOLD YOU. It's like the plot of The Time Traveler's Wife…

In this edition of Tweet Beat, Demi Lovato knows that a broken leg still means that you get to wear at least one cute shoe, Miley Cyrus is back in the studio, Rebel Wilson eats unicorn meat and Jose Canseco writes some beautiful poetry.

A probably fake, albeit hilarious new report has emerged that Harry Styles dumped Taylor Swift because she's "asexual" and "constantly talked about antiques." A rather Regina George-y sounding friend of Taylor's says that America's Unicorn Sweetheart doesn't realize that she's constantly being dumped because she's a "prude"…