Tonight, in an arena at Long Island’s adequate Hofstra University, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will be evaluated on a number of factors that have virtually nothing to do with each candidate’s ability to serve competently as president.
Donald Trump, a yellowing mop dripping with an unidentifiable, viscous fluid, is very concerned about fairness. As such, he’s worried about his upcoming debates against Hillary Clinton, and is suggesting maybe they could just sit on a stage and shout at each other instead.
Hillary Clinton is gearing up for debates this fall against Donald Trump, a hexed tub of Velveeta that’s been brought to life and won’t stop screaming racist insults from inside your kitchen cabinet. The Clinton campaign says they need to find someone who’ll play Trump during debate preparations, but haven’t been able…
Donald Trump and Roger Ailes, two sunbaked toads you’re puzzled to find wetly defecating in your bathtub, are maybe working together. The New York Times reports that Ailes, having golden-parachuted out of Fox News following a round of sexual harassment allegations, is now“advising” the Trump campaign. The Trump…
Once upon a time, many hours ago, two beleaguered Gawker Media reporters arrived at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, plodded through a security line, and were deposited in a warehouse of some kind with a bunch of TV reporters in suits.
Were you looking forward to the March 21 Fox News Channel GOP debate to be held in Salt Lake City? Of course you were; we all were. But you might as well throw out all those beans you bought in preparation for your bean dip because it’s canceled. Well, fuck.
Sometimes you say to yourself, “Didn’t we just have a goddamned debate?” and you’re wrong. It can just feel that way, because our days are swift and fleeting, like the leaves on a fast-dying tree. But sometimes you’re right, because literally, the last Democratic debate was three damn days ago.
The Never-ending Story a.k.a. the 2016 Presidential Campaign continues apace with tonight’s Democratic debate between candidates Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Hosted by CNN, Sanders and Clinton will face off in Flint, Michigan at the University of Michigan’s Flint campus.
The winner of tonight’s GOP debate is Hillary Clinton.
Lamprey eel spray-painted gold Donald Trump had a decent debate Thursday night, in that he continued to offer “scant details on policy” as the New York Times put it, but lobbed a lot of insults, two things GOP voters apparently love. This morning, he celebrated.
The Republican debates have never been fun—not even a little bit, not for a moment. But, for me at least, they were comforting, like watching all your terrible uncles get drunk in your basement and see who could eat a sandwich in the fewest number of bites.
It seemed odd to a lot of people that the Democratic candidates debated each other on five separate occasions without being asked about abortion. The situation became much more curious last night, when Bernie Sanders finally raised the issue — but without using the word “abortion.” Clinton, too, never used the actual…
We’ve gone from having not that many Democratic debates, and all at inopportune times, to suddenly having an unholy number of debates, devouring your TV schedule, invading your dreams, and dampening your sex life because, honestly, who could after all that? Tonight: another one of those debates.
After Tuesday night in New Hampshire, neither Carly Fiorina nor Ben Carson should be running for president anymore. Yet both of them still are, for some reason, and Fiorina is emphasizing how supremely pissed she’ll be if she’s not part of the next GOP debate. Let’s all sit back and wait for Carly to get supremely…
Sometimes I allow myself to think back wistfully to the first half of 2015, when I was allowed to watch normal television shows, or read, or have a snack in peace. But then I snap out of it because it is 2016, and my nights are no longer belong to me; they belong to Politics.
Live from Charleston, South Carolina, it’s a Democratic debate at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night. It really feels like if you wanted the American public to watch a debate, it would be... not at 9 p.m. on a Sunday on a holiday weekend?
In Thursday night’s “undercard” debate, the one you didn’t watch, a group of dispirited aging Sears models wandered around a vast, icy, blue-lit stage, begging someone to notice them. Among them was Carly Fiorina, who loves her husband and would like some extra credit for it.
Gather ‘round everyone, it’s the first Republican presidential debate of 2016! Taking place in Charleston, South Carolina, this debate — the SIXTH one we’ve had to endure — will feature the lowest amount of candidates on the stage thus far. Since Carly Fiorina and Rand Paul were bumped down to the earlier undercard…
After months of poll numbers collapsing like a once proud but increasingly weary hairdo, Rand Paul was relegated to the “undercard” GOP debate planned for Thursday night, at No One Is Paying Attention O’Clock. He is not going, because this represents the media and the RNC toying with him.
The ladies room was far and it takes women longer to pee. That’s why Hillary Clinton took a while to come back to the podium during Saturday night’s debate, according to the New York Times. Please paste this important piece of campaign news directly into your scrapbooks.