Jezebel 
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New York, 12:14 AM
Sat Dec 19
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/16/09
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12/16/09
Until, after 6 months of not seeing each other, we hung out last night and talked until dawn, and then totally cuddled and made out. I can't decide if this was incredibly stupid or not. I do know that I miss him and never loved anyone as much as I love/d him. And though we both made terrible mistakes in our past, we've been consistently kind and respectful to each other throughout the post-breakup process. And we seem to be relating to each other much more healthily as time has gone on. But has anyone ever heard of a story like this that turns out well? Because the other advice I got was "never, ever, NEVER look back once you're well on the road to healing."
12/16/09
I broke up with my boyfriend of four years in October and, after a particularly incriminating night of confessions - (in which I admitted to Facebook stalking the ex via his friends and, you know, turning off my heat at night, so the kitties would be forced to cuddle up in bed) - my friend told me that, if the relationship had ever meant anything, then it was impossible to exit with any shred of dignity. Like, it just can't be done.
Don't know if this is a universal truth, but I'm totally using it to justify the constant wearing of pajama pants.
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Seriously, that has to be one of the most vicious pieces of backhanded advice ever. Yeah, of course, the person broke up with me because I don't love myself!
I understand your frustration. I cursed my mom out when she told me that after my first breakup.
12/16/09
The hardest part was losing all the friends I had over it (and over other stupid reasons). And then when people tell you 'rely on your friends to help you through it', then I'm guessing I should just magically find a group of friends that would be there for me when I needed them to? Life doesn't work that way, and it sucks.
That period of time was one of the worst in my life. And since I still don't have friends, I may have to do things all by myself.
12/16/09
Once after a terrible breakup a good friend told me to write down on an index card the top 10 things I couldn't stand about my ex when we were together and/or things that I wouldn't miss about him. Then I kept the card on me at all times and any time I started feeling sad I would whip it out and read it.
I carried that thing for a good 2-3 months and it really helped! At the very least it would take me from weepy public breakdown type mind-frame to pissed off, eff him mindframe. Got me through a lot of situations when it would have been awkward to burst into tears.
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But I could've used the index card tip from the very beginning.
12/16/09
Some were things that used to be a non-issue, but transformed into something completely revolting, e.g. "I hate how he eats leftovers standing next the refrigerator with the door open and then, after he's had his fill, leaves the utensils in the tupperware for even easier plundering at a later time."
Other line items were the sort of things that are so incredibly cruel or nitpicking that you could never tell someone such a thing to their face and expect it to be forgiven--or forgotten. Secret, wicked little thoughts.
I still have the list tucked away. I run into said ex about once a year, and he does his best to ooze charm, and it helps to retreat, review my list, and remember.
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to try to give the cliff's notes, on monday night my brother left his facebook homepage on my computer. i saw a comment from my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who i knew my brother had met a while ago and was friendly with. i clicked her name out of curiousity, and her profile said "in a relationship with"...my boyfriend. i texted him right away, he said he was sorry, he still had feelings for her, and that he wanted to be with her. i tried to call him and he didn't pick up, then texted me and asked if he could please call me tomorrow. because he was with his ex/current girlfriend? yup.
so i've been pretty devastated...i've barely showered or eaten, and this is the 2nd day i've called out of work (i'm a hairstylist, i feel like my clients probably don't want their 'dos ruined by tears). i've literally googled things like "being left for another woman" looking for some sort of comfort, which i couldn't find because whatever popped up seemed to be written by jilted 40somethings who i very much sympathized with but couldn't relate to. this article and the comments couldn't have come at a better time. thanks to all of you for making me feel a little less alone, a little less crazy and a little more like things will be ok.
12/16/09
It totally sucks that that happened, and if you need to yell/vent/rant, you can always pm me. Just know that in the long run, you'll be better off without him, and for now it's okay to be upset if you want to be or just take the time to grieve, ya know? I took 2.5 days off from work after my last bad breakup, and sometimes ya just gotta wallow.
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Breaking up SUCKS BALLS, and it makes everything else a little bit scarier, but you'll pull through. I'm having a glass of wine for both of us right now!
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She dumped him for someone else a month later.
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* no offense to Jezzies of that age. We were pretty callow about emotional relationships at the time.
12/16/09
Ironically, today I went on facebook and saw the married/engaged studio pictures for the first guy I (at 18-19)was So Obsessed to the point I thought I Would Never Love Ever Again. It was weird - to look at someone that I was that crushed out on and be like, "I am so glad I am not 18, 19 anymore."
12/17/09
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12/16/09
They say women take too long to get back in the game, and men do it too soon, but honestly, I had some of the best times when I was single. There was a lot of healing, a lot of being mad at myself for being foolish, but when you're single, you only worry about your happiness. You can experience things without worrying about whether or not another person is having a good time. There's a freedom and a joy, when you've moved past the pain, before you pair off again.
I think the thing is, it's going to take as long as it's going to take. There are going to be bad days. You're may lose track of your health, your money, your grooming for a while, and that's okay. You can't expect to keep everything rigidly in hand, or you'll only be disappointed.
My dad is currently going through his second divorce, which I can see is very difficult for him. He's been with her for 18 years, she wants out, not him, and she's being really irrational about everything. All I can do is talk to him, listen to his confusion, his anger, his love for this woman who is just toying with him, at this point. It's hard to remember that when you're in pain, it's all you want to talk about. It does get really tedious to discuss the same thing over and over, especially when I never liked her. But I think the reward, as the friend who is a shoulder to cry on, is that when someone begins to move on, after the heartache, you can celebrate with them.
12/16/09
Anyway, I just needed to be reminded that splitting up/separating is really fucking hard for everybody, and I'm not ridiculous for letting this matter to me so damn much. Thanks, Jezzies, for being the company for my misery.
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Just know you're not the only one who's suffered through this. It sucks, but you'll get there.