Next week's Newsweek cover features a smug-looking workout clothes-clad Sarah Palin standing majestically in front of the empty skies that represent her qualifications for President.

The June issue of Allure is all about you, dear reader. You, and the self-diagnosed OCD sufferer, mommy-figure, nerdy girl, and contradiction-in-every-possible-term sexyface expert Megan Fox. And if that isn't enticing enough, Eli Roth reveals his beauty secrets. The horror!

It's summer, which means Vogue has launched their annual "escape" issue. What, you didn't know that June was all about fleeing the scene, peeing in your wetsuit, and choosing your own desert adventure?

The June 2010 issue of Marie Claire edges into Tiger Beat territory with a special fold-out of the Sex And The City ladies looking sassy and Photoshop-fit. A little less fun?

Cosmo editors often recommend sexual activities that could send a person to the hospital, and now we know why. The June issue reveals they've been harboring a sick fantasy: Having hospital sex... with Dr. James Van Der Beek.

This month in Allure, a writer describes how being incarcerated taught her some life lessons — about the importance of makeup! Meanwhile, the editors explain the key to looking good naked is to lose weight and get more beauty treatments.

According to May's Glamour, you're "irresistible" to your guy when you blow him while watching TV — just don't swallow, or you might lose that flat belly.

It seems this month Cosmo's editors were on a mission to out-weird Lady Gaga by forcing her into a matronly girdle and beige bra and coming up with even more freakish relationship tips than usual.

Spring is in the air, which means it's time for Glamour to "interview" "guys" about "sex." Here's what the ladymag's sample of really real dudes really said about porn and "fun bits."

Spring is coming, and March Vogue celebrates with vibrant floral colors — like beige, ecru, and taupe.