The trend of women's magazines using curse words on their covers continues: Cosmopolitan's January cover screams "52 HOLY SH@*!T SEX MOVES: Let the Games Begin!"

Next week's Newsweek cover features a smug-looking workout clothes-clad Sarah Palin standing majestically in front of the empty skies that represent her qualifications for President.

The June issue of Allure is all about you, dear reader. You, and the self-diagnosed OCD sufferer, mommy-figure, nerdy girl, and contradiction-in-every-possible-term sexyface expert Megan Fox. And if that isn't enticing enough, Eli Roth reveals his beauty secrets. The horror!

It's summer, which means Vogue has launched their annual "escape" issue. What, you didn't know that June was all about fleeing the scene, peeing in your wetsuit, and choosing your own desert adventure?

The June 2010 issue of Marie Claire edges into Tiger Beat territory with a special fold-out of the Sex And The City ladies looking sassy and Photoshop-fit. A little less fun?

Cosmo editors often recommend sexual activities that could send a person to the hospital, and now we know why. The June issue reveals they've been harboring a sick fantasy: Having hospital sex... with Dr. James Van Der Beek.

This month in Allure, a writer describes how being incarcerated taught her some life lessons — about the importance of makeup! Meanwhile, the editors explain the key to looking good naked is to lose weight and get more beauty treatments.

According to May's Glamour, you're "irresistible" to your guy when you blow him while watching TV — just don't swallow, or you might lose that flat belly.

It seems this month Cosmo's editors were on a mission to out-weird Lady Gaga by forcing her into a matronly girdle and beige bra and coming up with even more freakish relationship tips than usual.

Spring is in the air, which means it's time for Glamour to "interview" "guys" about "sex." Here's what the ladymag's sample of really real dudes really said about porn and "fun bits."

Spring is coming, and March Vogue celebrates with vibrant floral colors — like beige, ecru, and taupe.

This clip from the September Issue's DVD bonus footage perhaps explains why Vogue cover lies are always so, well, daft. They're made up by a bunch of women who sit around, tossing out cliché after cliché, until something sticks.

In the March issue of Allure, Jessica Simpson reveals filming her docuseries The Price of Beauty has given her more confidence. Allure's editors are confident too... that their readers are idiots.

Ladymag celebrity profiles usually take one of two routes: either the star is so amazing that no one could ever approximate her greatness, or she is just like you and me. Least plausible entry in the latter category: Victoria Beckham.

The February Elle 'Modern Love' issue has been out for two weeks, but we just couldn't bring ourselves to read it until now. What did we discover?

Glamour editors must think their readers are pretty dumb. From how to wash your face to what men are thinking, we didn't learn anything new this month. Well, except when it's appropriate to pee on your man's motorcycle.

In an odd reversal of its usual aspirational bent, February Vogue has chosen to present cover girl Jessica Biel in the least flattering light possible, surely to increase reader self-esteem.

Vogue will feature Tina Fey on a spring cover. Let us now pray, obviously in vain, that they will not get Mario Testino to shoot Fey in a gently lit forest glade, before Photoshopping the life out of her. [WWD]

There's a lot of scary shit in this month's Marie Claire, like an enormous blood-red flower blossoming from a pair of panties, or a dress that looks like sweetbreads. But most terrifying of all is the magazine's new discovery: aging.

Have you and your man ever enjoyed a vegetarian meal or shopped together? According to Cosmo, you might as well cut off his balls. The only way to save your relationship: Dunk his testicles in sparkling water.