House Republicans Officially Nominate Paul D. Ryan To Be Next House Speaker

On Wednesday afternoon, House Republicans voted to nominate Rep. Paul Ryan to be the next Speaker of the House. The vote was reportedly divvied up between Ryan and Rep. Daniel Webster, who received 200 and 43 votes respectively. Rep. Marsha Blackburn and Rep. Kevin McCarthy both received one vote. »10/28/15 2:49pm10/28/15 2:49pm

Why Angry Old Men Calling a Meeting to Yell at a Woman Is Always a Spectacular Failure

Twice in recent weeks, we’ve gotten to watch hotly anticipated Congressional hearings, in which mostly male Republican members got the chance to grill powerful women who had upset them. In both cases, those members of Congress ended up looking like damn fools. How’d that happen? »10/23/15 10:50am10/23/15 10:50am

Nine Far Right Dipshits Could Stop Paul Ryan From Being Elected House Speaker

In 1982, Van Halen created one of the greatest rock trivia facts of all time when they demanded in their tour rider that all brown M&M’s be removed from their dressing room munchies as a precondition for performing. Thirty-three years later, Wisconsin Rep Paul Ryan created a similarly ornate rider as a prerequisite… »10/21/15 5:30pm10/21/15 5:30pm

Aide to Michigan Congressman Arrested for Beating Boyfriend With a Shovel

The “online communications director” for Michigan Democratic Congressman Sander M. Levin was arrested last week and charged with a brutal assault on his boyfriend, Roll Call reports. A police report obtained by the publication states that Timothy Foster, 32, beat and tried to stab the man, until Foster’s wife… »10/13/15 2:46pm10/13/15 2:46pm

Congressman Creates Speaker of the House Craigslist Posting; I'll Probably Apply

When Rep. Kevin McCarthy surprise announced that he would no longer seek to be Speaker of the House, Washington D.C. was rattled by a heaving sob made up of hundreds of little GOP congressmen running into their offices, slamming the door, huddling under their desks, and just letting their emotions go. »10/09/15 3:40pm10/09/15 3:40pm

For Your Consideration: The Next Speaker of the House of Representatives Should Be a Tiny Baby

With California Rep. Kevin McCarthy’s fart noise-length campaign for Speaker of the House coming to an end today amid wild rumors and speculation of “misdeeds,” many Hill watchers are wondering who could possibly take his place as frontrunner. Please allow me to suggest: a baby. »10/08/15 2:20pm10/08/15 2:20pm

Kevin McCarthy Abruptly Pulls Out Of House Speaker Race; The Inmates Have Taken Over the Asylum

On Thursday, Rep. Kevin McCarthy announced that he was dropping out of the race to become the next Speaker of the House. The move comes days after he implied that the House Benghazi Committee was essentially designed to hurt Hillary Clinton’s presidential ambitions. »10/08/15 1:16pm10/08/15 1:16pm

Toot Toot! All Aboard the Crazy Train! Congress Has Big Plans for Planned Parenthood

All aboard the Unbelievable Waste of Time Express as it departs the station for an indeterminate, never-to-be-reached destination: the House is preparing a resolution to convene a special subcommittee to “investigate” Planned Parenthood. They’ll be in there however long it takes, which will be forever. »10/06/15 4:45pm10/06/15 4:45pm

Congressman Accused of Paying Staffer For Months After He Was Dismissed for Sexual Harassment 

North Carolina Republican Congressman Mark Meadows, currently one of the people leading the charge to defund Planned Parenthood, is accused of paying his chief of staff for months after multiple women complained they were being sexually harassed by the man. The chief, Kenny West, was first banned from the… »10/05/15 5:17pm10/05/15 5:17pm

The House Has Voted to Defund Planned Parenthood, Could Lead to a Government Shutdown

In a vote of 241-187, the House of Representatives has voted to halt funding to Planned Parenthood for a full year in order to investigate supposed “wrong-doing” and “harvesting” of fetal organs by the women’s healthcare provider. 239 Republicans and two democrats voted in favor of defunding, while three Republicans… »9/18/15 2:15pm9/18/15 2:15pm

Women Saved the Iran Deal From Washington's Bickering Do-Nothing Men

On Wednesday morning, Sen. Barbara Ann Mikulski (D-Md.) announced her support of the Iran nuclear deal, becoming the 34th Senate Democrat to do so. At this point, President Barack Obama has enough votes to sustain his veto of a promised resolution of disapproval from the Republicans. In other words, barring some… »9/02/15 10:29am9/02/15 10:29am

Arizona Congressman is Sorry for Scaring Kids With Talk of Nuclear Weapons and Suicide Bombers

Arizona Congressman Matt Salmon is apologizing after getting a little too real with a class full of elementary school students, during what was supposed to be a light conversation about how a bill becomes a law. Instead, Salmon took the opportunity to tell the kids about nuclear weapons and ask them, “Do you know that… »9/01/15 9:27am9/01/15 9:27am