Are you guys so excited for New Year’s Eve?!? Wow. Honestly that’s very messed up of you—number one, because it’s terrible, and number two because it ushers in the day on which we are all most likely to meet our respective makers.
Jay Bradford should probably start investing in lottery tickets, because his luck seems to be of an extraordinary sort. On December 12, he lost his wedding band in the middle of the ocean. On December 16 he returned to look for it — and what do you know? He actually found it.
Plenty of people opened up a gift to find a hoverboard this year. A hearty chunk of that group has already crashed them. Combining a combustible gimmick-toy with a day filled with alcoholic beverages and familial angst is a recipe for wiping out.
On Christmas Eve, Miley Cyrus was kind enough to gift us with her latest single, “My Sad Christmas Song.” The four and a half minute track is exactly the kind of Christmas tune you’d expect from Miley. In a restrained chorus, she sings, “This is my sad Christmas song. I’ve had it stuck in my head all day long. I wrote…
Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope your day has been filled with only a minuscule amount of vomiting, screaming and other kinds of embarrassments. Use this thread to report on how well your aforementioned pranks performed, which of your relatives shamed your entirely family and other wonderful things that happened this…
Look no further: the best Christmas story of the year has been found.
A cafeteria worker in Pennsylvania surprised a room full of normally unimpressed teens this week with her stirring rendition of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
The week surrounding Christmas, like the days surrounding Thanksgiving, has always been a danger zone when it comes to running into old high school classmates who we’d rather not see. So how do we get by?
The scenario: your stepfather won’t stop playing Mannheim Steamroller because it’s so festive but also “experimental” and “cool.” The solution: convince him to let you play these “alternative” Christmas jams by making him think you’re letting him in on a secret that will make him even “cooler.”
Everyone knows Ja Rule is a wonderful storyteller, as evidenced by classics like “Put It On Me” and “Always on Time,” a song about always being on time. Well, Ja Rule is also for the kids. Or is it Ja Yule?
It’s nine hundred degrees and hailing on the eve of our Lord and Savior Jesus Krampus. The daffodils are blooming; the tinsel wilts; a solitary wolf in upstate New York feels the twinge of stigmata and tilts his head to the east. Haters across the nation drop to the ground in penance; mothers in kitchens lay out…
The biggest joy of our holiday season, far outweighing gifts and family, is the Kardashian Khristmas Kard. Sadly, Kim and kompany failed to bless the public with a card in 2014, with the excuse that they “ran out of time.”
Taystee, Suzanne, Boo, and all your other Orange Is the New Black favorites have arrived to deliver their own Litchfield version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas—which naturally includes looting, vibrating screwdrivers, and prison riots.
So cheesy and sentimental was last night’s Mariah Carey-directed movie for the Hallmark Channel, A Christmas Melody, that it featured a scene in which Lacey Chabert’s character cried over broken tree ornaments. If Santa had spilled the milk she left out for him, she probably would have become inconsolable.
Candy Carson, wife of retired neurosurgeon and sleepy adult Ben Carson, is passionate about music. And now that it’s the holiday season, she’s made it her personal mission to spread Christmas joy.
Think about Christmas for a second. Sex is probably the first thing that comes to mind. How do you think Jesus got here? (...Never mind) Knowing everyone’s desire to have sexual intercourse on Christ’s Born Day, Ariana Grande blessed us with a Christmas album we can all bone to.
The New York State Young Republicans—not to be confused with the New York Young Republicans, whose website is much nicer—is a scrappy group. Outnumbered in their home state, and somewhat less maniacal than their southern counterparts, its members seem to need a fancy Christmas gathering more than most; the occasion…
In a timely and brave show of solidarity with Christian Santa, 36 House Republicans signed onto a resolution Monday defending Christmas, a holiday that is basically illegal now. The resolution notes that the lawmakers “strongly disapproves of attempts to ban references to Christmas.”
On December 10 NBC premiered Coat Of Many Colors, a biopic about Dolly Parton and her family. The movie, which “received NBC’s biggest ratings on Thursday night since the 2009 series finale of E/R” has inspired interest in Parton’s family life and, in the spirit of the holidays, she has shared her first experience…
In the true spirit of Jesus Christ’s favorite capitalist holiday, Billy Eichner and Will Ferrell ran the streets of New York City wearing onesies while attacking strangers with trivia questions about Christmas movies. Like, “Who’s the one American actress in Love Actually?”