Study: Chocolate Might Be as Good for the Brain as Exercise

Overpriced Lululemon pants to the left, to the left: chocolate might be as good for your brain (but not necessarily your booty) as exercise is, says science. » 3/29/15 9:45pm Sunday 9:45pm

Can You Taste the Difference Between Banned U.K. Cadbury and Hershey's?

As we've tirelessly covered this year, Hershey, Inc. decided to yank the fun from Easter by suing a company responsible for importing British Cadbury chocolate into the United States. Why buy real Cadbury—creamy, smooth, delicious—when you could have Cadbury made by Hershey—acrid, sour, gritty, and painfully… » 2/26/15 2:43pm 2/26/15 2:43pm

Your Valentine's Day Chocolate Will Be More Expensive, Love Is Dead

Chocolate prices are soaring because Asian markets are in love with the cocoa and the global economy cares nothing about your romantic, reasonably priced Valentine's day gifts. » 2/12/15 1:50pm 2/12/15 1:50pm

​Ebola's Next Potential Victim: Chocolate

I have some bad news. The spread of Ebola, the horrific disease that has claimed the lives of nearly 4,000 people in western Africa, has already started to negatively affect the chocolate production. In a way, we're all victims. » 10/13/14 10:10am 10/13/14 10:10am

End Times: Nutella Shortage and Trader Joe's Almond Butter Recall

Grab your spoons in terror because your delicious spreads are in danger. Danger! From Trader Joe’s recalling their almond butter to Nutella maybe running out of hazelnuts, shit is getting real in the world of toast and late night snacks. » 8/20/14 11:00am 8/20/14 11:00am

Cambridge University Is Currently Hiring a 'Doctor of Chocolate'

Hey, laaaaaaaaaaadies! Cambridge University has announced that they're seeking a "doctor of chocolate" to spend three and a half years studying the unique physical properties of everyone's favorite gooey and weirdly gendered bean cake. FINALLY! A way to get women interested in STEM… » 8/18/14 3:40pm 8/18/14 3:40pm

Chocolate Is Good for Old Lady Brains

It's been definitively proven on this very site that nothing is better than sex, not even chocolate. But for old people, that might not be the case. A new study has found that chocolate might make them harder, better, faster stronger – at least in the brain. » 8/08/13 12:30pm 8/08/13 12:30pm

This Beer Smells and Tastes Like a Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup

You can now get beers that taste like anything — ok, well, mainly bacon, but still, the craft beer market has recently exploded (all over your face in an array of tasty flavors), and Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter combines chocolate and peanut butter with booze and is it legal to marry a beer now? » 6/27/13 11:45am 6/27/13 11:45am

Canadian Competiton Bureau Unwraps Chocolate Price-Fixing Conspiracy

Just when you thought the FBI, NSA and Verizon-teamed privacy infringement was the most egregious overstepping of The Man on citizens' rights, Nestlé, Mars and Hershey manufacturers in Canada have apparently been conspiring to fix the price of their chocolate products. » 6/08/13 1:00pm 6/08/13 1:00pm

Joe Biden Gives Child's Adorable Gun Proposal a Written Endorsement

Vice President Joe Biden and an intrepid second-grader have joined forces to reform gun control based on one simple platform: chocolate bullets. » 5/14/13 11:25am 5/14/13 11:25am

Genius Thieves Steal 5 Metric Tons of Nutella

The majority of us, I would guess, live fairly upstanding lives. We wake up, go to work, pay taxes, say 'please' and 'thank you' and, most of the time, that probably works out quite well for us. But then — every so often — we hear a story about someone who steps off the straight and narrow, ignores the mores of… » 4/09/13 10:25am 4/09/13 10:25am

Consumers Believe That Candy Stamped with a Green Label Is Somehow…

America's largest purveyors of fine Easter chocolates think you're dumb, so dumb, in fact, that they think a green label on a pack of M&Ms will trick you into thinking that those M&Ms are somehow good for you. Or at least better for you than other candy-coated chocolates. » 3/31/13 5:00pm 3/31/13 5:00pm

Dove Chocolate Wants to Know If This Voiceover Sounds Ridiculous When…

Dove Chocolate advertising masterminds Fred Armisen and Bill Hader want to know: are you more likely to tamp some Dove chocolates down your food pipe if a serene white lady is telling you to do it? Or would you rather have Kevin Hart shout chocolate endorsements at you while you watch molten chocolate being drizzled… » 3/03/13 12:00pm 3/03/13 12:00pm

The Women Who Make Your Candy Bars Are Treated Like Shit

Chocolate is lady-crack, if advertisements are to be believed. But the women who grow the cocoa that feeds the masses are not having similar mouth orgasms; instead, they're paid much less than their male colleagues and face discrimination in the workplace, in addition to hunger and poverty. » 2/27/13 5:20pm 2/27/13 5:20pm

Important Questions Answered: Is Belgium Still the Chocolate Capital of…

It turns out, great chocolatiers aren't banished to Belgium any longer, they're popping up all over! It's making chocolate more of an International game, and I do not hate the player and I do not hate the game. The more chocolate competition, the better for us all and our ever-growing sexxxy rear ends. » 12/31/12 10:50am 12/31/12 10:50am

Chocolate Is Clearly the Preferred Treat of Geniuses the World Over

With the Nobel Prize ceremony now a few days behind us, it might be worth asking, "Where the fuck do all these smart-ass people come from?" I mean, I certainly don't know any Nobel-caliber people. Do you? Don't lie to everyone — it's unseemly. Of course you don't know any Nobel winners, and, if you don't start hanging… » 10/11/12 12:45pm 10/11/12 12:45pm

Cadbury Makes Special Chocolate for Women, Because Ladies Love…

If we've learned anything from Cathy comics and the silly t-shirts of your office HR rep, it's that women love chocolate. We love chocolate so much that we want to eat it with everything. We want to eat instead of everything. You know when you're like "I'd kill for some chocolate right now," and everyone laughs… » 10/03/12 4:05pm 10/03/12 4:05pm

It’s Sort of Official: Chocolate Is a Highly Addictive Drug

Think about how less depressing and oh-my-god-I-want-to-rinse-my-eyes-out-with-oven-cleaner Requiem for a Dream would have been if all the main characters were addicted to Russell Stover box chocolates and, instead of wanting to open a coffee shop, wanted to save up for a blow-out trip to Hershey Park. If Darren… » 9/21/12 10:30am 9/21/12 10:30am