Three-Year-Old Takes 677 Selfies in a Row Because This Is Life Now

Imagine you're a parent with a charming 3-year-old. From time to time, you allow said child to hold your phone and play with it because it's either that or listen to a screaming 3-year-old cry because they want to play with your phone. Imagine now that after you give your phone to your lovely child you discover she… » 12/16/14 10:55pm 12/16/14 10:55pm

Angry Little Girl Is Done With Deadbeat Tooth Fairy's Lazy Bullshit

Here's how losing your teeth works: You pull the thing out of your mouth you get a dollar for it. You pull another one, you get another dollar. A good month can see you bringing in up to 5, maybe even six big ones in pure profit. But sometimes the tooth fairy is a lazy sack of poop that doesn't want to do their job.… » 12/16/14 7:00pm 12/16/14 7:00pm

This Is How Porn Affects the Children of Adult Film Actors

If you've ever wondered what happens to porn actors as their career progresses, you've also probably wondered what it's like when they choose to have children. How does porn, especially now that it's all over the internet affect kids growing up in the shadow of their parents' line of work? Most kids, it turns out, are… » 12/11/14 4:50pm 12/11/14 4:50pm

The Cost of Having Children Will Only Get More Absurd

Most people paying attention to the economy concern themselves with the jobs report, which (at least this month) looks somewhat promising. But while having a job to support your family matters a great deal, what also matters is how much you're not actually going to be able to afford things for your family with the… » 12/03/14 6:10pm 12/03/14 6:10pm

Kids Wait Hours to Meet Elsa, Get Angry George Washington Instead

If there's one thing that makes childhood magical (aside from being able to shit yourself and having someone else clean it up), it's meeting your favorite Disney characters for the first time. But sometimes those characters disappoint. And sometimes disappointment's not even the correct word. Sometimes it's just a… » 8/06/14 6:40pm 8/06/14 6:40pm

Watch Two Straight Minutes of Children Swearing in Movies

Because it is Friday, here (via Digg) is a mashup of children swearing in movies. (Some of them are teens, which is a cheat, but we'll overlook that minor sin.) As someone who was recently called out in a wedding toast for teaching her 8-year-old brother how to curse (YOU'RE WELCOME, WILLIAM), I approve. » 7/18/14 5:00pm 7/18/14 5:00pm

Letting a Child Pick Her Sippy Cup Color Will Not Destroy Society

Apparently, there is a crisis in modern parenting. It's not that there's no paid parental leave, affordable daycare, or better-funded public schools, it's that parents are letting their children pick their own Sippy cup color, directly contributing to the utter squalor that is Modern Society. Oh No. What Will We Do. » 7/15/14 2:00pm 7/15/14 2:00pm

Lies I Tell My Toddler

All parents lie. My parents, your parents, your grandparents, me, and, if you're a parent, you. This is not, as our teenage selves suspect, due to any malicious desire to manipulate and deceive. Lying to our children is a goodamn necessity to make every day existence not only a harmonious as possible, but bearable. To… » 7/09/14 8:59pm 7/09/14 8:59pm

Police Arrest Mother Who Abandoned Baby on Subway Platform

Police arrested 20-year-old Frankea Dabbs on abandonment charges after she purposely left her seven-month-old daughter in her stroller on a subway platform at Columbus Circle Monday. Dabbs was spotted on the Upper West Side around midnight Tuesday by someone who recognized her from security footage released by… » 7/08/14 10:56pm 7/08/14 10:56pm

Japanese Official Chastised for Not Being Married with Children

During a debate Wednesday, a female member of Tokyo's city assembly was attacked by her male colleagues after she advocated for government assistance for women who are struggling to have children. Their comments – about how she should get married and whether she's able to bear children herself – have prompted a large… » 6/20/14 2:00pm 6/20/14 2:00pm

Want to Have Sex While Divorcing? You May Need a Court Order in MA

Divorce can be hell. A relationship is ending, there's paperwork galore, and then you have to decide who gets what. And it gets exponentially harder if kids are involved. Well, someone's finally thinking of the children! Massachusetts State Senator Richard J. Ross has introduced a new bill that, if passed, will… » 3/22/14 5:00pm 3/22/14 5:00pm

4-Year-Old Fashion Designer Makes Amazing Gowns Out Of Paper

Mayhem (not her real name, but an excellent name for a fashion house) is only 4 years old and she's already crafting amazing paper versions of awards show gowns and runway creations. She's been designing for the past nine months, and according to her mom, Angie, she's gotten the process down to a science, knowing just… » 2/27/14 8:40pm 2/27/14 8:40pm