Bless you, you petrifying savage adorable poultry monster.

A Florida woman known as the "Chicken Lady" got 300 free chickens from Publix grocery stores simply by following their customer guarantee policy.

GaaaaaaAAAaAAAhaaahahahhHhHhhh. A pair of Florida fetish models have pled not guilty to felony charges of animal cruelty, over "crush porn" videos in which they allegedly decapitate chickens, torture rabbits, and squish live fish. Frowny 2 tha face.

Hey parents! Guess who's smarter than your toddler? Freaking chickens. Yeah, you heard right. Your kid is more idiotic than the chicken that was pulverized into a cute, star-shaped nugget you fed your little one for dinner last night. A new study sponsored by the Happy Egg Company (lol) has found that domesticated…

Heads up, Luiz, you've got some serious competition for world's cutest kid who loves animals a lot and is also ridiculously adorable.

Well, it looks like the bloom is off the stanking urban yard-chickens! Animal shelters across the country are reportedly receiving hundreds of abandoned chickens from disillusioned amateur farmers who've recently realized that "hens lay eggs for two years, but can live for a good decade longer, and that actually…

Former Presidential Candidate and alleged serial ladygrabber Herman Cain's been on a bit of a media blitz lately. First, he appeared on Fox News to inform viewers that men like Mitt Romney because they're more informed about policy than "other people" (psst: women!). Now, a TV commercial that uses the bizarre…

In the Yom Kippur tradition of kaparot, some Orthodox Jews swing a live chicken above their heads, then slaughter it, often donating the meat to charity. But some now say the practice is inhumane. Rabbi Meir Hirsch says the chickens "spend all day in the sun without food or drink" before their deaths. He adds, "You…

The November Anthropologie catalog has gone to the dogs. And pigs. And bunnies!

"Araucana chickens, made famous by the household style expert Martha Stewart, produce a pigment called oocyanin, a byproduct of bile production. Fanciers of the breed say it penetrates the entire shell," resulting in soothing, color-coordinated muted blue tones. [NYT]

The Humane Society of the United States has released some damning footage of egg farms, but farmers' organizations are firing back, claiming the group wants "to remove meat from our dinner tables [...] and eventually — pets from our families."

• Two male otters who spent the last 15 years together, living as best pals in a New Zealand zoo, died recently. Both Daz and Chip suffered from heart attacks, which occurred within several hours of the other.

I read an article in Sunday's New York Times and I felt like it was written for me.

According to her owner: "She's mean. REALLY mean." Also: She bites. [Known By Name]

[San Francisco, November 16. Image via Getty]