A Southern-Fried Sleepover at New York’s First Chick-Fil-A, Or How I Won a Year’s Supply of Chicken

Winning enough Chick-fil-A® chicken sandwiches, iced tea, and medium Classic Sides to fill a man’s grave is easy. All you have to do is line up on the sidewalk for three hours with 300 people while the lead-colored sky bleeds into black night; while stinging rain, flung down from heaven by an angry God and then up,… »10/06/15 3:41pm10/06/15 3:41pm

Idjits Support Bearded Reality TV Homophobe With 'Chick Phil A' Day

Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson recently found himself suspended from filming the massively popular reality show for saying shitty things about gay people in an interview with GQ (and, uh, a lot of other times, turns out). Now, the mouth-breathing dinosaur-minded morons who support him are staging a protest at Chick… »12/27/13 7:15pm12/27/13 7:15pm

Chicago Politician Really Pissed That Chick-fil-A President ‘Took Back’ Decision to Stop Funding Anti-Gay Groups

Proud purveyor of bigoted chicken Dan Cathy, President of Chick-fil-A, has, like a popular high school kid unwilling to admit that, yes, he in fact does play Magic the Gathering after school at Rory Totboder's house, apparently gone back on his company's promise not to donate any more money to anti-gay groups. This,… »9/24/12 9:30am9/24/12 9:30am

Chick-fil-A Owners to Stop Funding Anti-Gay Groups, Will Still Be Keeping All That Bigot Protest Cash

Today, Chick-fil-A's famously homophobic owners released a statement announcing that the fast food chain would no longer be donating money to anti-gay groups. Victory, right? We totally win, right?! Not really. Regardless of whether the Chick-fil-A brass are contributing to a camp that uses Jesus to turn homos into… »9/19/12 2:05pm9/19/12 2:05pm

Chick-Fil-A Enthusiast Offers Morally Conflicted a Way to Have Their Chicken and Eat It, Too

Only in America could battered, fried, poultry engender so many strong feelings. I mean, a rover is about to land and poke around on the surface of Mars, but there is an alarmingly significant segment of our population that has lost more sleep on being morally conflicted about whether or not tomorrow is the day… »8/05/12 9:30pm8/05/12 9:30pm

I Know You're Mad at Chick-fil-A, But Stop Taking It Out on Fat People

If you're like me, you're probably pretty mad at Chick-Fil-A for being a bunch of bigoted medieval anti-gay dickheads. And rightfully so. I mean, what geological epoch is this? What kind of a fucking petrified, exhumed garbage pharaoh do you have to be to maintain the drive and energy to hate gay people in 2012—let… »8/03/12 2:25pm8/03/12 2:25pm

Chick-fil-A in New Hampshire Goes Rogue, Announces Plans to Sponsor Gay Pride Festival

Bigots in New Hampshire are going to have to find a way to support limited rights fer the queerz — the manager of the state's only Chick-fil-A has announced that unlike his parent company's CEO, he's just fine with gay people. So fine, in fact, that he'll continue to be a sponsor the state's gay pride festival so all… »8/01/12 5:45pm8/01/12 5:45pm

CNN Apologizes for Playing ‘Stupid Girls’ Ahead of Sarah Palin Segment

CNN apologized on Sunday for playing Pink's "Stupid Girls" during a segment about former Alaskan governor and ineffable presence on John McCain's campaign pins Sarah Palin proudly visiting a Chick-fil-A with her husband Todd. Palin tweeted a picture in which she and Todd are hoisting their sacks of fried chicken up to… »7/30/12 11:15am7/30/12 11:15am

Chick-Fil-A Spokesperson Dies Amid News of Yet Another Disastrous Incident

Chick-fil-A's vice president of public relations, Don Perry, died today of a heart attack. He had been with the company for 29 years. The company hasn't released a statement explaining why or how he died (and it's highly unlikely a rep will ever say "due to dealing with our massive marketing crisis"), but now the… »7/27/12 5:20pm7/27/12 5:20pm

Chick-fil-A Sued for Gender Discrimination, Would Prefer Women Fry Chicken at Home

Amid the storm of shit that is currently raining down on the fire-engine red signs of Chick-fil-A, the homophobic purveyor of fried chicken is now facing allegations of gender discrimination. According to GLAAD, former Chick-fil-A employee Brenda Honeycutt is suing the restaurant chain for wrongful termination… »7/26/12 9:10pm7/26/12 9:10pm

Chick-fil-A Doesn't Accept Gays, But Will Gladly Accept Their Money

In a statement released today via its Facebook page, Chick-fil-A has made it clear that while it stands behind the anti-gay statements president Dan Cathy made earlier this week, the company is going to "leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena." Reiterating that the company… »7/19/12 2:50pm7/19/12 2:50pm

Chick-fil-A's Delicious Chicken Sandwiches Are Deep Fried in Hate

The head of Chick-fil-A confirmed yesterday what liberal worrywarts have been warning oblivious sandwich eaters about for years: he really can't stand the homos. That's bad news, if you're a Chick-fil-A connoisseur — the delicious deep fried poultry treat you've been putting in your face all these years is not only… »7/18/12 1:10pm7/18/12 1:10pm