Bad Neighbors Terrorize Deathly-Ill Girl's Nurse Over Parking Space

During the cold Chicago winters, residents of the Windy (and also wet) City call "dibs" on parking spots by shoveling them out and and placing garbage cans and lawnchairs on them. That's what the parents of Gabriela Guzman, a 5-year-old who's on a ventilator and needs around-the-clock care, did for the child's nurses… » 1/14/15 3:15pm 1/14/15 3:15pm

Uber Helpfully Give Passengers Tips on How to Not Get Raped

In a move that swiftly and decisively bit them in the ass, ride-sharing company Uber has released a "safety checklist" for their riders, which may as well be titled "Not Getting Raped By Our Drivers is Your Responsibility, Ladies." Available for now only in Boston and Chicago, it's almost staggeringly half-assed.… » 1/02/15 1:50pm 1/02/15 1:50pm

Chicago Is Losing Its Shit Over This Rescued Baby Sea Otter

There is nothing cuter in the world than a baby otter cleaning its face. Nothing. If I could give birth to baby sea otters instead of baby people, I'd never stop being pregnant. I would be the Michelle Duggar of otter pups. As such, it makes perfect and absolute sense to me that the entirety of the city of Chicago is… » 11/06/14 10:10am 11/06/14 10:10am

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus on High in Heaven, It's a NUTELLA BAR

Um, I guess we're all moving to Chicago in the dead of winter because WTF: our ginger Dionysus, Mario Batali, is opening Eataly Chicago, a 63,000-square-foot super food store, tomorrow and within those 63,000 square feet there will be a GD NUTELLA BAR. Praise Be Unto His Taste Buds and Pocket Book. » 12/01/13 9:33pm 12/01/13 9:33pm

Jon Stewart and Chicago Agree: California Pizza Is the Worst of All

A truce has finally been called in the great New York-Chicago Pizza War of 2013. While the two sides will never fully agree on thin crust vs. deep dish, they can agree on this: The enemy of my enemy is my friend and, here, our shared enemy is the California pizza. Seriously, fuck that thing. It's a focaccia with a… » 11/21/13 12:00pm 11/21/13 12:00pm