Dear Sweet Baby Jesus on High in Heaven, It's a NUTELLA BAR

Um, I guess we're all moving to Chicago in the dead of winter because WTF: our ginger Dionysus, Mario Batali, is opening Eataly Chicago, a 63,000-square-foot super food store, tomorrow and within those 63,000 square feet there will be a GD NUTELLA BAR. Praise Be Unto His Taste Buds and Pocket Book. » 12/01/13 9:33pm 12/01/13 9:33pm

Jon Stewart and Chicago Agree: California Pizza Is the Worst of All

A truce has finally been called in the great New York-Chicago Pizza War of 2013. While the two sides will never fully agree on thin crust vs. deep dish, they can agree on this: The enemy of my enemy is my friend and, here, our shared enemy is the California pizza. Seriously, fuck that thing. It's a focaccia with a… » 11/21/13 12:00pm 11/21/13 12:00pm

Two Little Girls Claim They're The Tiny Dancer In That NBC Viral Video

Sorry to sound all fusty and Tom Wolfe-ish, but it's nice to know that even in 2013, when teenage girls are getting pregnant in order to be on MTV and Princesses of Long Island is a show, and Kardashians happen, some people get famous because they're just irrepressible stars. Bright, shining motherfuckin' stars. » 7/27/13 1:00pm 7/27/13 1:00pm

Chicago is the Latest City to Tackle Teen Pregnancy with Weird Ads

Faced with a teen pregnancy rate that's reported to be one and a half times higher than the national average, the Chicago Department of Health decided that they needed to do something drastic. So they took to the subways with an ad they knew would be controversial, because that's what cities are doing about teen… » 5/20/13 6:00pm 5/20/13 6:00pm

You Have No Excuse: Pregnant Chicago Woman Waits in Line to Vote After…

Excited to vote in her first ever election, a very pregnant 21-year-old suburban Chicago woman interrupted her trip to the hospital's birthing center with a stop at her local polling station. Galicia Malone's water had already broken, and by the time she arrived to wait in line to cast her ballot, her contractions… » 11/06/12 5:15pm 11/06/12 5:15pm

Chicago Politician Really Pissed That Chick-fil-A President ‘Took Back’…

Proud purveyor of bigoted chicken Dan Cathy, President of Chick-fil-A, has, like a popular high school kid unwilling to admit that, yes, he in fact does play Magic the Gathering after school at Rory Totboder's house, apparently gone back on his company's promise not to donate any more money to anti-gay groups. This,… » 9/24/12 9:30am 9/24/12 9:30am

Looks Like School’s Out for at Least a Few More Days in Chicago

After a week of staring directly into Mayor Rahm Emanuel's soulless, inkwell eyes, the Chicago teachers union has resisted the tempting urge to blink and will wade into the second week of its strike. Schools will stay shuttered come Monday morning after union delegates declined to formally vote on contract settlements… » 9/16/12 10:45pm 9/16/12 10:45pm

3 Stupid Ways to Talk About the Chicago Teachers Union Strike

Since Monday, 350,000 Chicago kids who normally would be spending their day in classrooms crudely carving pictures of penises onto wooden desks are free to crudely carve penises on wooden things that are not located inside of a school building — their teachers are on strike. Let's take a terribly disappointing slog… » 9/14/12 3:20pm 9/14/12 3:20pm

Chicago’s ‘Milk Ladies’ Are Still Delivering Formula After 30 Years

The so-called "milk ladies," the founders of a nonprofit group based in Winnekta, Illinois, have made it their mission for the past 30 years to deliver cases of brand-name formula to Chicago mothers who cannot afford to feed their children. Infant Inc., the official name of the milk ladies' nonprofit, also delivers… » 9/09/12 1:30pm 9/09/12 1:30pm

Gang Member Arrested in Murder of 7-Year-Old Chicago Girl Killed While…

Last week we were introduced to the tragic story of Heaven Sutton, a seven-year-old girl who was shot and killed while selling candy and snow cones outside her Chicago home. Well, now there's a small piece of good news in an otherwise very sad situation: Police have arrested and charged a 26-year-old gang member with… » 7/01/12 9:45pm 7/01/12 9:45pm