They say that crime doesn’t pay, but $70,000 in cheese certainly does.
I have terrible news for you, America. I know that you’ve already endured a harsh autumn of partisan politics and mass tragedies and inconsistent NFL officiating. I know you can’t handle one more goddamn piece of bad news right now. It’s too much. It may break your spirit entirely. But I have to do it. If I don’t tell…
A valuable study has found that cheese is actually as addictive as drugs, and now I think I owe a lot of my family members some reconciliatory phone calls. Because it happened to me: my cheese addiction ruined my relationships.
Last month, Kraft announced that they were recalling thousands of boxes of their “cheese” singles. On Thursday, they went further, recalling 335,000 cases on top of the 36,000 already taken off the market, because more customers reported that they too had eaten a piece of wrapper plastic instead of straight cheese.
What do you know about Parmigiano-Reggiano? Well, what you should know is that it is a specific, valuable type of parmesan cheese—“The King of Cheeses”—and also that under no circumstances should you put out an advertisement associating King Cheese with pornography.
Turn your eyes to France, justice enthusiasts, because there’s quite a case unfolding across the Atlantic. A woman is currently on trial for allegedly bilking people out of hundreds and in some cases thousands of dollars, with pie-in-the-sky promises they could make and sell fancy cheeses to French beauty product…
Whoever is running Velveeta's social media accounts is going hard after the stoner millenial demographic lately. And it's fantastic.
You know what one of the worst things about doing laundry is? That you can't get stupid drunk while waiting for your delicates to dry. I mean, theoretically you can, but you run a very high risk of drunkenly joining some underground laundry secret society. Those are a total pain in the ass to get out of, trust me.
When I was a kid, it was all about milk. "Set the table! Wash your hands! Milk or water?" was the refrain at every mealtime. Not juice, not iced tea, not soda (Diet Coke wouldn't take hold for another decade)—just water or milk, milk or water, simple as that, as though the two were interchangeable. Nonfat for my mom,…
A man in Philadelphia (because of course a man in Philadelphia) has apparently taken serial street harassment (and the phrase "dick cheese") to a whole new level grossness by applying slices of Swiss cheese to his exposed penis and asking women to perform various sex acts. On his cheese-adorned penis.
A looming nationwide shortage of Velveeta threatens to make the leanest dip season since the great ranch dressing famine of 1986. What are we supposed to melt and serve in a bowl during the Super Bowl now, huh? Crayons?
In news that makes me really hungry, the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin is testing the use of mozzarella and provolone cheese brine to make winter roads less slippery.
Ladies, this can be yours. (The sweater vest; not the cheese or the man. Sorry.)
Feeling a little peckish? Well, you won't after reading this. NPR reports that UCLA microbiologist Christina Agapakis and artist Sissel Tolaas have teamed up "to create cheese using the microbes that grow on their skin." We understand if you need a minute.
Preemptive apology: This post contains no answers. We're simply here to speculate on the reasons behind cheese dreams or — as they're more historically known — cheese nightmares.
Conventional wisdom suggests that, when it comes to female happiness, thinner is always, always, always better—that once you whittle yourself down to a perf size 2, all of your problems will disappear, celery will begin to taste like donuts, and Twiggy circa 1967 (the happiest woman e'er to stride the earth!) will…
Yo, I know you thought your week was shaping up pretty good, so I hate to break it to you like this, but what's actually been going on is that your entire existence has been hot garbage up until this moment. Because you didn't even know about a little something called OH, JUST BEN LINUS* EATING AN ENTIRE WHEEL OF…
Listeria contamination in three kinds of Crave Brothers cheese (now recalled) has led to several hospitalizations, a miscarriage, and a fucking death. Someone died. Because of CHEESE. And not some janky hard cheese, either—a gooey, luxurious soft cheese with truffles in it. I hate this story so much.
Irish Cheese company LowLow's new advertisement is a parody of standard diet ad cliches — Smug Girl, Ditzy Girl and Muffin Girl dance around with yogurt and zip up their jeans — because even though its cheeses only have one-third the fat of regular cheese, LowLow is hip enough to know that diet ads suck. Meta!
Science has finally caught up with deliciousness with the new findings that eating cheese can reduce the risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 12 percent. Naturally, the flavor of this news is paired really well with red wine (which basically enables us to live forever while getting drunk without having to exercise).