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This Week In Tabloids: Ben Affleck and Charlize Theron Are Fucking, and Kris Jenner's Nose Is Falling Off

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we receive word that Kris Jenner’s nose is falling off, run to Ace Hardware, buy some spackle, a joint knife, duct tape, Gorilla Glue, and book a first class ticket—expensed to Jezebel—to LAX, where we take an Uber Black all the way to Kris Jenner’s home in Calabasas. “Let me in!” we…

Charlize Theron Did NOT Ghost Sean Penn, Claims She Doesn't 'Even Know What That Is'

Last June, it was reported that Charlize Theron, alleged human, broke up with Sean Penn, garbage human, by “ghosting” him. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, to ghost someone is to break up with them by simply disappearing. No sit-downs, no phone calls, no Post-its—just...nothing. And the thought of Theron…

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