Charlie Sheen: Denise Richards a 'Heretic Washed Up Piglet Shame Pile'

In honor of Father’s Day, the mild and graceful Charlie Sheen took to Twitter in order to compliment his ex-wife and mother of his children, Brooke Mueller. Then, turning his attention Denise Richards, his other ex-wife and mother to his other children, he let fly lines of misogynist, free-verse vitriol. »6/22/15 10:10am6/22/15 10:10am

What I Learned Watching the Last Episode Ever of Two and a Half Men

Until last night, I had never watched an entire episode of Two and a Half Men. Its absence in my life wasn't an accident, but a carefully planned situation. I had purposefully changed the channel every time it had come on, a move I've only made for one other show (Everybody Loves Raymond). Just those brief glances… »2/20/15 11:45am2/20/15 11:45am

Charlie Sheen Calls Kim Kardashian's Ass "Giggly," Among Other Insults

America's favorite cokehead, Charlie Sheen, took to the Twitters to lambast Kim Kardashian for allegedly turning down a 6-year old's autograph request, calling her ass a "giggly bag of funk" (that she "dare call an ass"!) and telling her to "go f yourself" before taking a quick swipe at Kanye West, signing off as "c",… »1/11/15 7:00pm1/11/15 7:00pm

DMX May Not Lay The Smackdown on George Zimmerman After All

There was absolutely nothing good about the announcement that certified awful person George Zimmerman (no celebrity bold for you!) would appear on an episode of Celebrity Boxing to square off against rapper DMX (on what would have been Trayvon Martin's 19th birthday, no less). This news was actually so not good that… »2/08/14 12:15pm2/08/14 12:15pm

Charlie Sheen Denounces Phil Robertson's Bigotry with a Weird Poem

After bigoted duckpreneur and Sweetums stuntman Phil Robertson expressed his very strong preference for vaginal intercourse and his very pronounced disdain for gay people, the first question everyone asked was: Why is Duck Dynasty even a thing, anyway? The second question was: What does Charlie Sheen, himself a… »12/22/13 11:30am12/22/13 11:30am

Marina Abramovic Saved Lady Gaga from a Lifetime of Weed Addiction

Lady Gaga recently revealed that after her debilitating hip surgery, she smoked a ton of weed to numb the pain. She says she was smoking "15 joints a day," until friend Marina Abramovic told her she had a problem and helped her severely cut back, via a weeks-long art fast at Abramovic's house. (Which, admittedly,… »11/08/13 7:59pm11/08/13 7:59pm

Zac Efron Passed Out From an Oxy Overdose and Some Jerk Sold the Pix

The totally reputable National Enquirer has reportedly obtained a shot of Zac Efron collapsed in the Thompson Hotel on January 3rd after an overdose of "hillbilly heroin" Oxy, obtained during a batshit night of drinking. Efron reportedly got the pills from the street and requested all party guests to buy forty for… »9/25/13 9:13am9/25/13 9:13am

Miley Cyrus Fans Want To Rip Lorde's Brains Out For Winning at iTunes

Rabid Miley Cyrus fans are lashing out at 16-year-old chanteuse Lorde, who is so uppity that she did not commit hara-kiri immediately after her "Royals" topped Miley as #1 on the iTunes chart. They're slamming her with Dorothy Parker-esque gems like "Your eyes are too far apart" and "kill yourself you crusty old… »9/20/13 9:00am9/20/13 9:00am