What I Learned Watching the Last Episode Ever of Two and a Half Men

Until last night, I had never watched an entire episode of Two and a Half Men. Its absence in my life wasn't an accident, but a carefully planned situation. I had purposefully changed the channel every time it had come on, a move I've only made for one other show (Everybody Loves Raymond). Just those brief glances… » 2/20/15 11:45am 2/20/15 11:45am

Charlie Sheen Calls Kim Kardashian's Ass "Giggly," Among Other Insults

America's favorite cokehead, Charlie Sheen, took to the Twitters to lambast Kim Kardashian for allegedly turning down a 6-year old's autograph request, calling her ass a "giggly bag of funk" (that she "dare call an ass"!) and telling her to "go f yourself" before taking a quick swipe at Kanye West, signing off as "c",… » 1/11/15 7:00pm 1/11/15 7:00pm

Sam Lutfi Swears He's Only Trying to Help Amanda Bynes

Sam Lutfi penned an open letter swearing to the world he's only trying to help Amanda Bynes and not, say, take advantage of her situation to gain exposure for himself. » 10/20/14 8:05pm 10/20/14 8:05pm

Mike Tyson Calls Host a 'Piece of Shit' For Mentioning Rape Conviction

Mike Tyson does not like to be reminded of the fact that he is a convicted rapist. A talk show in Canada found that out the hard way. » 9/10/14 8:00pm 9/10/14 8:00pm

Wasted Charlie Sheen Found Wandering Around Taco Bell Drive-Thru

One lucky Charlie Sheen "fan" (I have no idea what Charlie Sheen does that warrants "fan"-ing, but far be it from me to limit anyone's self-identity) got the thrill of her life the other night when the man himself stumbled up to her car in the Taco Bell drive-thru. » 7/16/14 6:00pm 7/16/14 6:00pm

Charlie Sheen Got Dissed by Rihanna, Called Her the 'Village Idiot'

LOLOLOLLOLLOOOLOLOL. Charlie Sheen was at some restaurant last night, and Rihanna was also there, and Charlie tried to impress his girlfriend by getting a RiRi intro, and Rihanna was like "who is that even i'm busy lol bye." And then Charlie got his baby diarrhea all over Twitter and it was AMAZING. » 5/22/14 8:00pm 5/22/14 8:00pm

American Duke Charlie Sheen Is Engaged (Again)

The Sheen men— Martin, Charlie and Emilio — are a prime example of American celebrity nobility, so, to mock the absurd way actual nobles and royals are still celebrated in certain frivolous, Grinch-shaped (concentrate on the bottom and imagine a Santa cap) islands around the world, we ought to spend this Sunday… » 2/16/14 11:30am 2/16/14 11:30am

DMX May Not Lay The Smackdown on George Zimmerman After All

There was absolutely nothing good about the announcement that certified awful person George Zimmerman (no celebrity bold for you!) would appear on an episode of Celebrity Boxing to square off against rapper DMX (on what would have been Trayvon Martin's 19th birthday, no less). This news was actually so not good that… » 2/08/14 12:15pm 2/08/14 12:15pm

Charlie Sheen Denounces Phil Robertson's Bigotry with a Weird Poem

After bigoted duckpreneur and Sweetums stuntman Phil Robertson expressed his very strong preference for vaginal intercourse and his very pronounced disdain for gay people, the first question everyone asked was: Why is Duck Dynasty even a thing, anyway? The second question was: What does Charlie Sheen, himself a… » 12/22/13 11:30am 12/22/13 11:30am

Holy Shit, Miley Cyrus Could Become TIME's 'Person Of the Year'

​Jennifer Lawrence Has Awesome Freakout on Paparazzi

Everyone's favorite woodsprite turned into a human doll, Jennifer Lawrence, had an epic moment with some photographers at the Hunger Games: Catching Fire premiere in NYC yesterday. » 11/23/13 11:35am 11/23/13 11:35am

Marina Abramovic Saved Lady Gaga from a Lifetime of Weed Addiction

Lady Gaga recently revealed that after her debilitating hip surgery, she smoked a ton of weed to numb the pain. She says she was smoking "15 joints a day," until friend Marina Abramovic told her she had a problem and helped her severely cut back, via a weeks-long art fast at Abramovic's house. (Which, admittedly,… » 11/08/13 7:59pm 11/08/13 7:59pm

Charlie Sheen to His Ex-Wife: Happy Birthday, You Slut. Now Die.

In today's Tweet Beat, Angel Haze and Grimes are "above handjobs" (and might be having a sleepover sometime soon), Paula Abdul just wants to rest in some water and somehow, Charlie Sheen is allowed to leave the house on a daily basis. » 11/05/13 7:40pm 11/05/13 7:40pm

Zac Efron Passed Out From an Oxy Overdose and Some Jerk Sold the Pix

The totally reputable National Enquirer has reportedly obtained a shot of Zac Efron collapsed in the Thompson Hotel on January 3rd after an overdose of "hillbilly heroin" Oxy, obtained during a batshit night of drinking. Efron reportedly got the pills from the street and requested all party guests to buy forty for… » 9/25/13 9:13am 9/25/13 9:13am

Miley Cyrus Fans Want To Rip Lorde's Brains Out For Winning at iTunes

Rabid Miley Cyrus fans are lashing out at 16-year-old chanteuse Lorde, who is so uppity that she did not commit hara-kiri immediately after her "Royals" topped Miley as #1 on the iTunes chart. They're slamming her with Dorothy Parker-esque gems like "Your eyes are too far apart" and "kill yourself you crusty old… » 9/20/13 9:00am 9/20/13 9:00am

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones Split After Years of Crap

Sadly, the united front presented by Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones during their shittiest times lately has come to an end — a source claims that the two have separated. :| » 8/28/13 9:00am 8/28/13 9:00am

Zooey Deschanel Hates Judgmental Shithead Internet Commenters

Zooey Deschanel, who I often forget is pretty cool, spoke truthy words about how horrible the Internet can be in this month's Marie Claire. (After all, noted Zooey Deschanel 1.0 Mary Louise Parker quit over it.) » 8/06/13 9:00am 8/06/13 9:00am

Kim Kardashian Made A Bullshit Video Appearance At The End of Kris

After Kris Jenner repeatedly intimated that her show yesterday would feature an "out-of-hiding" Kim Kardashian, and maybe even North West, it was actually a two-second video of Kim in the last five minutes of the show. Which is how these things generally work out. » 8/03/13 11:30am 8/03/13 11:30am

Kate Moss's Nipples To Celebrate Playboy's 60th Anniversary

While it is hardly the first time Kate Moss's tater tots come out and say 'sup y'all, her hairstylist leaked that he just wrapped Moss's nude shoot for the January issue of Playboy next year — the same month as her 40th birthday. It's also Playboy's 60th anniversary. » 6/17/13 9:00am 6/17/13 9:00am