Italian-food-from-a-plastic-bladder eatery and suburban hellscape staple* Olive Garden is revamping its image: by making its signage more closely resemble the sort of label you might see on a jumbo-sized package of dye-free 100% organic disposable diapers.
If your crotch is hankering to try someone new, but you stomach is hungry for something familiar, you take your piece on the side to a chain like Olive Garden. Because when you're there, you're family. (Without the obligation of being with your actual family.)
This week, an elderly restaurant critic with a kind face wrote a glowing review of the Grand Forks, North Dakota Olive Garden, and the internet exploded into uproarious, superior laughter. Look at this rube stupefied by a basket of breadsticks! Overwhelmed by black olives! But why is this woman's sincere appreciation…