Ladies, Take Cover: 'Pre-Cellulite' Is Coming for You

DID YOU HEAR? Maria Menounos has pre-cellulite. Yup, said so herself. That's where you don't have cellulite all the way I guess but LOOK OUT because cellulite is a cackling witch waiting to claim your nubile body just like being pre-40 or pre-menopausal or pre-old. Fact: We're all pre-old. » 6/19/14 1:00pm 6/19/14 1:00pm

Underbutt: Our Best Weapon Against the Bullshit Mythology of Cellulite

Thanks to the ubiquitous cheeky shorts trend, these days, you can't angrily chuck an iPhone without hitting some teen in the exposed buttcheeks. Some naysayers might say that this is Bad because won't somebody think of the intact hymens? or that it's Harmful because what about those of us with buttcheeks we don't… » 9/04/13 6:15pm 9/04/13 6:15pm

These New Anti-Cellulite Jeans Will Also Moisturize Your Dry-Ass Skin

When you take a good look at these jeans, keep in mind what's special about them is what you don't see. Announced last year and hitting stores this month, Denim Spa Therapy For Legs by Wrangler are jeans "infused with moisturising and slimming ingredients." » 1/16/13 4:20pm 1/16/13 4:20pm

Trendy New Cellulite 'Cure' Makes Me Feel So Many Things

Today we learned about Cellulaze, a very expensive laser treatment that is being heralded as a possible "cure" for cellulite — as if cellulite were an illness, a plague of the thighs, a disease of the ass. Cellulaze was covered in the New York Times and the Today Show, which conveniently demonstrated the procedure.… » 5/03/12 7:15pm 5/03/12 7:15pm

Finally, Science Has Cured the Non-Disease of Cellulite

Cellulaze! Cellulaze is a revolution. A revelation. The procedure, which requires only one doctor's visit, has been approved by the FDA for treating cellulite — an actual long-lasting "fix" for the problem. Except, of course, if we're being completely honest, we have to admit: Cellulite isn't actually a problem. » 5/03/12 3:40pm 5/03/12 3:40pm

Kim Kardashian Would Be Miserable If She Had To Be On A Diet Her Whole…

KK explains: "Sometimes I pig out and I still feel great, and think, 'That was so worth it!' That's how I feel a lot of the time. I think, 'See this little dimple of cellulite here? It was so worth it for that cookies 'n' cream ice cream!' If I was stuck on a diet my whole life, I would be really miserable. I love to… » 4/26/11 11:27am 4/26/11 11:27am

This Week In Tabloids: Brave Celebrity Soldiers Losing The War Against…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we sift through the silt of In Touch, Star, Us, Ok! and Life & Style, looking for nuggets of gold. This week, having cellulite is completely normal, which is why Holly Madison posed for unretouched photos, but that doesn't stop Star from printing a cover story that involves… » 3/02/11 3:31pm 3/02/11 3:31pm

Judge Judy Talks To William Shatner About Aging, Cellulite, And Female…

Judge Judy was recently on William Shatner's new Biography Channel show Raw Nerve, and the two discussed why she doesn't have empathy for violent criminals, why men are "marginal souls," and why women rule. » 2/25/09 1:20pm 2/25/09 1:20pm

This Week In Tabloids: You Know Things Are Bad When The Cellulite Issue…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we suffer the indignity of reading the weekly tabloids so you don't have to. Another slow news week means the covers suck. This Star cover makes us extremely stabby. But as always, God is in the details. Look deeper and the tabs offer gems: Like Gisele Bundchen's stance on… » 5/21/08 2:00pm 5/21/08 2:00pm

Kim Kardashian Is Keeping Up With Her Cellulite

Kim Kardashian just made her famous ass a little more famous after she let cameras film her cellulite-reducing treatment. Kim was getting her backside camera-ready for an anniversary present — a sexy calendar — she was giving to her boyfriend, football player Reggie Bush. This is probably the sexiest cosmetic… » 5/12/08 11:00am 5/12/08 11:00am

Death & Cellulite

When it comes to best-selling covers, the weeklies win with fatalities and flesh, reports the New York Post. Aside from special issues, like "Sexiest Man Alive," People magazine's best-selling issue in 2007 dealt with the apparent suicide attempt of Owen Wilson. So far, their best selling issue of 2008 was the… » 3/10/08 2:45pm 3/10/08 2:45pm

Britney's "Secret" Fat-Dissolve Treatment May Or May Not Actually Work

Cosmetic procedures, claims Natasha Singer in today's New York Times, usually start on the East or West Coasts and then move inland. But controversial new treatment lipodissolve is all the rage in Missouri and Kansas. (In the UK it's called Flabjab.) The procedure, which uses injections of a drug compound to target… » 9/20/07 10:30am 9/20/07 10:30am

'US Weekly' Takes A Stab At The Minnillohan Fallout; 'Star' Inspires Us…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel's weekly roundup of the celebridiocracy as seen through the gimlet eyes of Bonnie Fuller, Janice Min and whoever the fuck is responsible for Bauer Publications. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to. » 6/06/07 3:40pm 6/06/07 3:40pm

We hate to be predictable, but even though wins our…

Shiloh Jolie Pitt: Battling The Bulge At Just One Year Of Age

We kid, we kid. We love us some Shiloh. We're just a little perplexed by the placement of that hot-pink, cellulite callout to the right of her adorable head. » 5/30/07 5:01pm 5/30/07 5:01pm