Polio-Like Mystery Illness Afflicts Children in Northern California

In Northern California’s Bay Area, an illness that resembles polio is affecting children and doctors aren’t sure what it is. The affliction develops as a sudden weakness in the arms and legs or "symptoms of paralysis." If your child exhibits these signs, health officials recommend they see a doctor immediately. » 2/25/14 10:00am 2/25/14 10:00am

CDC: 'Condomless Sex' Is the New 'Unprotected Sex'

Americans have long been told that sex without a condom is "unprotected sex," which leaves you at risk for HIV and a multitude of other sexually transmitted diseases. Now, after pressure from health community advocates, the Center for Disease Control is changing its language and replacing "unprotected sex" with "condomless… » 2/24/14 1:50pm 2/24/14 1:50pm

Mysterious Cruise Ship Plague Has Ruined Caribbean Vacay for 281 People

Stepping aboard an ocean liner and putting your life in the hands of a captain who, at least on a Disney cruise, might be an actor with some off-Broadway experience dressed in a Goofy costume, takes a lot of faith, especially considering how many no good, terrible things have happened on cruise ships recently. At this… » 1/26/14 2:30pm 1/26/14 2:30pm

Foam Party Ends in Some Seriously Fucked Up Eye Issues

Wait. Foam parties are a thing? Outside of Ibiza in 1998? Well, they've apparently spread to Florida where the funky chemical bubble mixture has caused pink eye, abrasions of the cornea, and even worse. Yet again, my crippling nerd status has prevented me from attending something that would give me a disease. Dork high … » 8/28/13 9:30am 8/28/13 9:30am

Health Dept. Won't Reveal Which Salad Mix Brand Is Making People Barf

There's a bad batch of salad mix going around right now — over 350 people have gotten sick in 15 different states — but we, the public, have no idea which brand of salad mix is to blame. And there's a law making sure we don't find out. » 8/01/13 3:50pm 8/01/13 3:50pm

Kids Finally Learn to Put a Bag on It, and Teen Birth Rates Drop

Following trends from the past several years, a report released Thursday by the Center for Disease Control indicates that all those crazy anti-teen pregnancy ads might be working, because the rate of teen births dropped 25 percent between 2007 and 2011. In case you'd like to go visit those teenagers and give them a… » 5/23/13 11:30am 5/23/13 11:30am

New CDC Report Shows That Abortion Is on the Decline Thanks to More…

According to the latest report from the CDC, U.S. abortions fell by five percent during the recession and its aftermath, a phenomenon that most likely, insist some researchers, owing to the greater diligence with which women use contraception during tough economic times. Though many states have unfortunately and… » 11/22/12 3:30pm 11/22/12 3:30pm

Birth Rates Are Falling; Soon America Will Consist of Only Three…

Americans still aren't having nearly enough babies, according to a government report released Wednesday, and we can all thank teenagers for the stubbornly low birth rate, which dipped for the fourth year in a row. 2011 saw a paltry four million births, though the drop-off (about one percent) wasn't as steep as the two… » 10/03/12 9:30am 10/03/12 9:30am

CDC Suggests HIV Prevention Pill Be Approved For At-Risk Heterosexuals

A pill previously limited to "high-risk" gay and bisexual men, which has been on the market since 2004, may soon be prescribed to heterosexual people as well after health professionals at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention said on Thursday that it was worth considering. There are an estimated 140,000… » 8/11/12 2:15pm 8/11/12 2:15pm

You Sluts Are Having Fewer Abortions Than Ever, Thanks to the Pill

Pat your vagina on the back, ladies; a new report released today shows that the US birth rate is continuing to go down faster than a sorority girl in a tired sexist joke. But a reduction in birth rate isn't due to Operation Rescue nightmare-style use of abortion as birth control; rather, diligent use of contraception… » 6/20/12 11:40am 6/20/12 11:40am

Today's Teens Have Become Disturbingly Responsible

Teens these days may seem like ne'er-do-wells, with all of their sexting and terribly bland pop music, but it turns out, according to a new CDC survey, that they're actually behaving themselves for the most part. For starters, smoking is way down. In 1991, 70 percent of kids had tried a cigarette, but by last year that … » 6/08/12 9:30am 6/08/12 9:30am

Teen Pregnancy Rate Drops to Lowest Ever, Thanks to Birth Control and…

New data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention bears good news: in 2010, America's teen pregnancy rate was the lowest ever recorded. Experts credit a combination of birth control availability and abstinence, but I'm tempted to credit this statistical dip to my favorite form of contraception— good old… » 4/10/12 2:50pm 4/10/12 2:50pm

Kids Are Eating Sugar Like It's Going Out of Style (Which It Is)

There has been a lot of fretting lately about just how much sugar we're all consuming, but we are particularly freaked out about what our kids are eating. Well, now it turns out we're right to worry because they are eating a shit-ton of sugar every day. Why? Well, for the same reason we grown-ups do: because having… » 3/01/12 2:00pm 3/01/12 2:00pm