news roundup

Pope Offers Pro-Choice Politicians A Very Light Snack

• Oh my GOD POLITICIANS WHO UPHOLD THE RIGHT TO A BABYKILLING RECEIVED THE BODY OF CHRIST DESPITE KILLING BABIES. What is next, women who actually have submitted their wombs to this murderous murder method? The abortion doctors themselves? WHAT IF THE VIRGIN MARY HAD MADE THIS SO CALLED "CHOICE"?? No one would have believed her rape kit! [AP]
  
• Oh fuck, a debate tonight. [Philly]
  
• With apologies to SinisterRouge...[Huffington Post]
  
• And here's a concession: Barry started wearing the flag pin again. Authentic! [LAT]
  
• Maybe he is just proud of the country for embracing its own bitterness and John McCain for praising his race speech and Hillary Clinton for getting drunk. Hey, I'm proud almost proud myself... [AP]
  
• Which brings us to...where can you see the word "fuck" more than Jezebel? Our military barracks' bathrooms in the Middle East. A fucking awesome photo essay. [Walrus]

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nosplice:3

Senator Bob Casey Crowns Barack Obama Savior Of Pennsylvania Fetuses!

Some days I love Pennsylvania. Like: I love how the Victorian liquor laws actually mean good wine is cheaper there. I love how they still have a mob. I love how no one in Pennsylvania would tell you that being a state senator is no big whup. I love how I would regularly bite into a Tastykake from the office vending machine wherein the filling had essentially fermented from lack of preservatives. Where else would the black reform-minded mayor of Philly endorse Hillary Clinton? Where else would you get Amish coke traffickers selling to motorcycle gangs? And where else would the Catholic white pro-life political scion machine-made senator suddenly decide to embark on a hope-filled bus trip with the black socialist candidate? I'll bet he was just "inspired." Pennsylvania: it's the "Everything Seems Possible Where Nothing Is Possible" state. Megan and I discuss that and The Iraq, along with whether Condi Rice is black, whether John McCain is smart, whether Hillary can ...blah blah. Happy Friday! Click for that and hot Efraim's MySpace profile and more Green Zone/T-Zone analogies. Oh, and an EXCLUSIVE dispatch from an Obama speech to rich people.
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end of days

Our Faith In God Continues To Dwindle If Tori Spelling Is Now A Minister

• Tori Spelling has become a minister. Proving what we have been telling y'all for round about a week now: God is dead. [USA Today]
  
• The former Surgeon General says the Bush Administration encouraged him to dispense information about stem cell research and sex education with shades of the "theological agenda." His speeches were also edited to make sure that pesky things like facts were left out. Well, at least these assholes are consistent! [WSJ]
  
• What's more on-again-off-again than Jessica Simpson and John Mayer? The potential delaying of Nicole Richie's DUI trial. [Reuters]
  
• The American Psychological Association is reviewing its official stance on homosexuality, in a move that potentially could discredit those who try to "cure" it as if it were a mental illness. [USA Today]

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