The Best Stores to Buy Any Type of Halloween Candy

I’ve never really lived in a neighborhood that drew a lot of Trick-or-Treaters, but that doesn’t keep me from buying Halloween candy. Obviously, this is a task I take very seriously because, even if zero children visit my house, I want to get the as much delicious, seasonal sugar as I can for my money. »10/16/15 11:26am10/16/15 11:26am

Candy Corn Is Trash and Hershey's Candy Corn Bars Are an Abomination Against God

Tis the season, the only season that matters, the season that Halloween candy finally starts appearing on the shelves. Unfortunately, that also means candy corn has made its foul return, a crumbling and earwax-esque concoction that, like your racist grandparent, you only give a pass because it’s been around for so… »9/15/15 6:15pm9/15/15 6:15pm

​Indecisive Corgi Is Very Suspicious of Sour Lemon Warhead Candy

Let all your friends know: Corgi vs Warhead is the new Baby vs Lemon. Mini, the ever inquisitive Corgi seems to have just found a foreign substance of dubious and sour nature on the ground and would just like to warn everyone of that fact. Is it delicious? Or is it dangerous? Well don't ask Mini—she most… »3/09/14 5:30pm3/09/14 5:30pm

Some Creep Gave Out Meth in the Place of Smarties on Halloween

Police in Southern California have reported at least two cases of children testing positive for methamphetamine after ingesting the Halloween treats they worked so hard to collect. In the world's worst double whammy, the police had to confiscate a child's entire candy stash for meth testing. Which is what I… »11/06/13 6:09pm11/06/13 6:09pm

Halloween Jerk to Hand Out Notes Telling Trick or Treaters They're Fat

A local busybody in Fargo, North Dakota has decided to take America's child obesity epidemic on herself this Halloween by only giving candy to the trick or treaters she deems thin enough to deserve candy. The rest of the kids — those the woman deems "moderately obese" — get notes telling their parents to stop having… »10/30/13 10:00am10/30/13 10:00am

12-Year-Old French Girl Writes Bad Checks For Candy and Pastries

Internet, are you ready for a new anti-hero? Or just hero-hero? A 12-year-old girl in the southern French city of Bordeaux was caught by police after using stolen checks to buy 2,600 euros (that's $3,440!) worth of candies and pastries. Her autobiography title should be "Catch Me If You Candy!" — the NY Post can pay… »7/26/13 10:40am7/26/13 10:40am

Breast-Milk-Flavored Lollipops Are Now Available for You to Suck On

Are you tired of the same old lollipops just sitting around in your mouth not tasting like a stranger's leaky breast? Well MERRY CHRISTMAS, SHERLOCK. After rigorous boob-milk taste-testing, the food scientists at one Austin-based candy company have managed to synthesize the flavor of human breast milk in the form of… »6/07/13 10:50am6/07/13 10:50am