Jezebel
Patriotic colors
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campaign 2008
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Patriotic colors
news roundup
Please Send Lawyers, Daniel Craig and Money
- Does someone have $38,001 they can loan me? Because film producer Barbara Broccoli paid $38,000 to charity to kiss Daniel Craig and, um, hell yeah. [AP]
- Speaking of bad loans, hundreds of people have been arrested for making them, including 2 Bear Sterns guys. The economic damage, well, no one knows how to fix that. [Washington Post]
- As previously mentioned, Barack Obama is foregoing federal campaign funding because he doesn't need your stinkin' money. Well, I mean, he needs your money, he just doesn't want the government to be the go-between. Who's small government now (that it benefits him)? [NY Times]
- Actually, for the record, one of the guys who wrote the law thinks it's a smart decision because Obama really, actually doesn't need the money. [HuffPo]
Dove has finally issued a statement regarding allegations that the models in its "Real Beauty" campaign were subjected to a little Photoshop of Horrors: "Dove's mission is to make more women feel beautiful every day by widening the definition of beauty and inspiring them to take great care of themselves. Dove strives to portray women by accurately depicting their shape, size, skin color and age. The 'real women' ad referenced in recent media coverage was created and produced entirely by Ogilvy, the Dove brand's advertising agency, from start to finish and the women's bodies were not digitally altered. Pascal Dangin worked with photographer Annie Leibovitz (Ogilvy has never employed Mr. Dangin on the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty), who did the photography for the launch of the Dove ProAge campaign, a new campaign within the Campaign for Real Beauty. There was an understanding between Dove and Ms. Leibovitz that the photos would not be retouched - the only actions taken were the removal of dust from the film and minor color correction." More at the link following. [Jolie Nadine]
Fake Beauty?
As mentioned on Monday, Pascal Dangin, the "the premier retoucher of fashion photographs," doesn't just work on Vogue. He also may have Photoshopped the Dove Campaign For Real Beauty. AdAge contacted Unilever, Dove's parent company, and so far they have stayed mum. But a a spokeswoman for the campaign's creator, Ogilvy & Mather said: "We are unsure right now what he did. He works with Annie Leibovitz, the photographer. And we don't have any record of him actually working on any of the Dove campaign. There was no retouching of the women. If there was a hair that was up in the air, that might have been the kind of retouching that was done. But until I know what he actually worked on, I can't comment on it." Well, someone needs to comment. We know Unilever has been hypocritical in the past, but this is just ridiculous. [AdAge]
crappy hour
Sure, Hillary Won Pennsylvania, But Barry Nabbed The Hateful Ignorant Fratboy Demographic!
They are known to let dead people come back to vote for ward leader in Philadelphia, but when I arrived at my polling place of the last two elections yesterday, I found my name mysteriously removed from the rolls. My friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan, meanwhile, got turned away for not being a Democrat, even though he changed his registration the last time he realized the Green Party was lame during last year's mayoral primary. Look: the last machine still running in Pennsylvania runs its voters. Hillary was going to win that. No one on Crappy Hour ever predicted Barack was going to carry this, or even get close, or if we did it was a joke or we were too hungover to know what we were doing, obvi. So I'm not really that mad about Barry's inability to "close the deal." I am, however, kind of baffled by the Abercrombie & Fitch thing. From blind gayvotion to NAFTA to centimillionaire executive pay packages to endemic racism to bland pointless predictability Abercrombie is the epitome of everything about the America that is not "ready" for a black Muslimy Marxist freethinking president. Were those the best white kids you could find, Axelrod? That and more minutiae with me and a very hungover Megan after the jump. More »
crappy hour
We're Headed To Philly Tonight!
Megan and I are convening in Murderdelphia tonight for tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary! This morning a seven-alarm fire reminded everyone once more there used to be an economy there. Now there are too many vacant buildings and not enough crackheads to fill them. Five murders happened over the weekend in Philly. Chelsea Clinton submitted her ass to a fag hag gang grope. Michael Moore endorsed Barack Obama. The railroad industry made a comeback. The Pope made some speeches. Jeremiah Wright is going on TV. Some Republican told other Republicans to forget Reagan. Jimmy Carter won't make it so easy on you! Obama said he thought John McCain would be better than Bush. (Maybe because the Walnuts' stubborn refusal to wear a flag pin dovetails with his own 1960s radicalism?) And number one Jezecrush Thomas Frank got a weekly column in the Wall Street Journal. "The landmark political fact of our time is the replacement of our middle-class republic by a plutocracy," he wrote. "If some candidate has a scheme to reverse this trend, they've got my vote, whether they prefer Courvoisier or beer bongs spiked with cough syrup." There's a thought to drank to! His new book is called The Wrecking Crew. More »
We knew there was a reason Page Six Magazine gave model-heiress-workaholic Lydia Hearst (pictured here modeling her tattoo with Cisco Adler) a biweekly column: so she could give us her unvarnished views on the presidential campaign. Click the pic for the whole thought-provoking scan!
crappy hour
Barack Obama Would Rather Be Shooting Dunks And Fathering Illegitimate Children. (Duh!)
In a telling interview with the erudite Philadelphia radio program The Angelo Cataldi Show, Barack Obama said he would rather be Dr. J than president. (Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, gave some speech comparing herself to Rocky Balboa while wearing a fuchsia blazer.) Feminist hero Heidi Montag of The Hills announced her endorsement of John McCain, and her on-again boyfriend Spencer Pratt immediately shot back that he didn't think "anyone cares who Heidi Montag votes for." Well shit, Spencer, you know better than anyone that at least as many people care about Heidi's political stances as the fact that John McCain thinks Muqtada al Sadr is the one who came begging for a ceasefire, and that's way more than the number of people who care about the release of some 2003 Bush Administration memo authorizing torture-esque torture strategies, and even that is wayyyy more than the number of people who will sit still long enough to watch Errol Morris' new movie so...where was I? OMG EVILDOERS TRIED TO BLOW UP DISNEYLAND! Glamocracy's Megan and I are soooooo glad they didn't succeed. More »
news roundup
50 Cent Learns About Racism, Loses Interest
- "I heard Obama speak. He hit me with that he-just-got-done- watching-'Malcolm X,' and I swear to God, I'm like, 'Yo, Obama!' 'I'm Obama to the end now, baby!," says 50 Cent, who originally supported Hillary Clinton. He has since "lost interest." [MTV]
- One of the girls who tormented Megan Meier under the tutelage of evil mom Lori Drew is going to be on TV tomorow talking about how Lori turned out to be a crappy "mother figure." Um, yeah. [ABC]
- You know how after 9/11 the government consolidated all these government functions into the Department of Homeland Security, which was probably an expensive waste of time? Well they are sort of doing that with all the regulatory agencies that are supposed to keep track of how much money all of these sophisticated "security" things are worth so the economy doesn't find itself with a hole the size of the Russian economy in it. It will take a long time, and probably not work. [WSJ]
- Obama has his widest gap in the Gallup tracking poll of Democrats of any candidate since February. February! That is almost the month before last! [Wonkette]
clips
We stopped watching the Obama Girl videos awhile back because, you know, it got old. But this one, in which she pleas with Hillary to drop out of the race, is really great, especially if you drank too much last night, but that goes without saying. Helpfully, it has subtitles, the better for you to catch such exquisite rhyming couplets like "I know Obama's gonna win it / But you're sorta, kinda stayin' in it" and non-rhyming couplets as "Chris Matthews got a crush, Bill Richardson's got a crush, even George Clooney, and he's so sexy as well." The actual Obama girl, who dazzled me with something other than her intellect last summer, is supposedly a Hillary supporter. Judas!
Obama Girl: "I Think Sometimes In This Campaign/You've Got A Crush On John McCain"
We stopped watching the Obama Girl videos awhile back because, you know, it got old. But this one, in which she pleas with Hillary to drop out of the race, is really great, especially if you drank too much last night, but that goes without saying. Helpfully, it has subtitles, the better for you to catch such exquisite rhyming couplets like "I know Obama's gonna win it / But you're sorta, kinda stayin' in it" and non-rhyming couplets as "Chris Matthews got a crush, Bill Richardson's got a crush, even George Clooney, and he's so sexy as well." The actual Obama girl, who dazzled me with something other than her intellect last summer, is supposedly a Hillary supporter. Judas!
news roundup
Is This Goodbye, Hillary?
- Have you been wondering, like, where the hell has Hillary gone? What with all the gubernatorial humping and the Bible thumping and the AIDS conspiracy theorizing and the grandmother/bus/throwundering and the fifth anniversary of the war and the "meh" reaction to the public unveiling of her schedule for the entirety of the nineties, you'd think she had, like, left the race! Well, she kind of has. Her own people are giving her a 10% shot at winning the primary. "The notion of the Democratic contest being a dramatic cliffhanger is a game of make-believe." [Politico]
- In other words, when her campaign says the Richardson endorsement was "insignificant", they are pretty much on the money. [CNN]
- But what kind of job did it buy him? [Wonkette]
- Whatever, TAY ZONDAY is back in the news. [Wired]
- China released a list of 21 most wanted endangerers of national security. They have mustaches and carry swords. [WSJ]
- Why is this State Department bullshit such a big deal? Doesn't anyone think, like, you know, it would be kind of cool to see where Barack Obama traveled back when he went by the name "Barry" and a bunch of other countries went by old names like "Rhodesia" andsuch? Sayin. [Wash Post]
news roundup
Barack Obama Alienates Typical White Person Population
- Barry called his grandma a "typical white person" on WIP, a highly erudite Philadelphia AM radio station, and now typical white people everywhere are left to ponder this. [Wonkette]
- Scooter Libby was disbarred. it probably could have happened to a nicer guy, but not one who had written so explicitly about dog fucking! [Wash Post]
- "You're acting like it's our fault, and it's not." That's JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to Bear Stearns shareholders. Such a mensch. [NY Mag]
- Tibet's whole "independence" idea is catching on with Taiwan just in time to affect their elections. (Wait a second, if Taiwan has its own elections, does it really need independence?) Sigh. [NYT]
- A radio interviewer asked Dick Cheney about his dead-bottoming in opinion polls, the squandering of a trillion dollars and the loss of 600,000 or so lives, and Dick Cheney was all like, "So?" No SRSLY. [Wash Post]
news roundup
Barack Obama Defended By Mike Huckabee, Still No Word From Grandma
- Obama's slightly racist grandma is not dead, she just doesn't feel like commenting on his speech apparently. Here is a picture of her clutching her grandson for fear of being beaten up by darker-skinned black men. No just kidding, it's just a graduation picture. Sorry to drag you into this, Madelyn Dunham.
- ""As easy as it is for those of us who are white to look back and say 'That's a terrible statement!' ... I grew up in a very segregated South. And I think that you have to cut some slack — and I'm gonna be probably the only conservative in America who's gonna say something like this, but I'm just tellin' you — we've gotta cut some slack to people who grew up being called names..." Well Jesus F. Christ Mike Huckabee, if you didn't just win yourself some major days off from Purgatory right there. [Politico]
- John McCain keeps randomly linking Iran with Al Qaeda. I'd say he's trying to make this into a self-fulfilling prophecy like happened with Iraq and Al Qaeda so that he can make the 100 years thing its own self-fulfilling prophecy. But he could also be just old. [Huffington Post]
- Getting raped on Spring Break is just par for the course these days I guess, but getting raped and then hurled over a sixth-floor balcony is a bit much. [ABC News]
- Hillary's packed schedule as First Lady consisted mostly of philanthropic crap, ceremonial visits to foreign countries and REDACTED. Newspapers are still frantically scanning the newly released papers to find out more re our former "co-President" but one thing we do know... [Wash Post]
news roundup
Ba-Hawk Obama? Please God Just End This Campaign Already...
- Wyoming caucus tomorrow! Obama is expected to win. Because it's the home state of his distant cousin Dick Cheney? Nah, but I thought I'd use this bizarre picture anyway. [AP, Rolling Stone]
- I couldn't exactly run another Samantha Power pic. But here she is in the news again, talking about how that whole sixteen month plan is unrealistic and stupid or something that will no doubt be spun 47.5 different ways. [Politico]
- Employers cut more jobs in February than they have in five years. What sector was hit the hardest? Ummmmm, all of them! [Yahoo!]
- Ooooh, look, a fun ranking of corporate America's fifty biggest single paydays! [Vanity Fair]
- Speaking of! Virginia Rep. Tom Davis valiantly came to their recipients' defense today in Congress, because cross-examining the warmhearted captains of industry behind the mortgage crisis is really just like sacrificing virgins. [Wonkette]
- Speaking semi- also of! Obama campaign manager David Plouffe wants to see Clinton's tax returns, suggests she try out the photocopying services at Kinko's. [Wash Post]
- Marion Jones went to jail. [People]
- Michigan Senator Carl Levin thinks everyone should just forget the fuck about his disenfranchised voters already. [CNN]
You asked for more pix of Barack Obama's hot hotheaded foreign policy adviser Samantha Power, and you're getting them. She just resigned from her position on the campaign over her "monster" slip. She will continue to be unpaid by the campaign. A "partial defense" of her actions is here; an analysis of her love life here. "I made inexcusable remarks that are at marked variance from my oft-stated admiration for Senator Clinton and from the spirit, tenor, and purpose of the Obama campaign," she said. [AP]
crappy hour
Terror Strikes America's Beloved Times Square!
POW! A lone bicyclist woke up a lot of tourists with his improvised explosive device in Times Square early this morning. But he doesn't seem to have destroyed anything. Not the Quiksilver Board Riders Shop? Not Sephora? Not Planet Hollywood or the freaking headquarters of Vogue? Oh, well. Is this a big deal in the era of the weekly horrific school shooting? Is it a big enough deal even warrant a call on Hillary's famous red phone? Is it a big enough deal to spend the entirety of Crappy Hour discussing? Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier and I will discuss that! And Patrick Swayze, whether Pennsylvania is racist and how Raytheon finally figured out how to help the government spy effectively on us. 3/6/08 NEVER AGAIN KTHANXBAI! After the jump. More »
news roundup
Texas Lingerie $$ Church People Love Them Some Clinton Family!
- Hillary won the Texas primary by four percentage points but she may actually wind up tied with Obama for the delegate count. Just trust me when I say I am outraged on her behalf. [Wonkette]
- It's official: Rush Limbaugh won yesterday for Hillary. [Reason]
- It's official: that leaked NAFTA document won yesterday for Hillary. Stephen Harper says so. Who's Stephen Harper? Ha ha ha, some interdependence that turned out to be. [Reuters]
- It's official: there were a BUNCH of reasons Hillary won last night but yeah it was mostly SNL. [Progressive]
- Personally I don't understand why no one is crediting Joel Osteen of the Church of Prosperity and Lingerie for winning it for Hillary because everyone loves money and lingerie. And also, Chelsea's highlights. I hate highlights but hers look hot. [Houston Chronicle]
- Yeah yeah yeah running mate whatever we'll cross that bridge when we come to it which is to say holy shit NEVER. [Politico]
It's Not Over...
Hillary Clinton wins Ohio! Texas is still too close to call, but Clinton has a narrow lead.
Hillary Clinton wins Ohio! Texas is still too close to call, but Clinton has a narrow lead.
