Karma isn't real. Proof: Diddy created Danity Kane (never forget) and now he is being rewarded. He and Kate Upton have apparently been dating since late March, when the 20-year-old joined him in the VIP room of a club in Miami so they could smash their mouths together.
First order of business, when I become lady-president, THE OCEAN WILL BE ILLEGAL. Seriously, that shit is just a big wet menace full of teeth and ghosts. And the other day it tried to steal away Heidi Klum's son Henry and both of his nannies, prompting AquaKlum to jump in and save their lives in some epic mom-heroics.
Imagine, if your mind is capable of conjuring such macabre visions, the cast of the Jersey Shore chasing each other on ATVs, shotgunning beers, and going muddin' in their pickup trucks. If you successfully pictured this in your mind's eye and at the same time muttered, "Jackpot," congratulations — you think just like…