Kendall Huberman doesn’t deserve this.

The artisanal mayonnaise store featured last year in a SNL sketch about gentrification can, oddly, no longer afford its Brooklyn location because rent is too high. Unfortunately, the well-off residents in the area who enjoy artisanal mayo will have to find another mayo joint to hang ’round.

The world’s oldest person has died. Her name was Susannah Mushatt Jones, she lived in Brooklyn, and she was 116 years old.

In a fitting demonstration of his peculiarly inept and yet brashly dickish way of moving through the world, John Kasich hung out with some Orthodox Jewish yeshiva students on Tuesday and explained a story from the Torah to them. John: they know. I promise you they know.

Valentine’s Day is only one day, but bargain Valentine’s Day candy and those chalky AF Necco Sweethearts are forever. If many of us must resign to being an archetypal Dejected Single™, an IDGAF Single™, or whatever Single™ our loved ones perceive us as during the month of February, we frankly deserve better than…

One of the most depressing things about the so-called sharing economy—the recession-induced workforce transition in which everyone hustles twice as hard to piece their shit together except for a relatively small group of selectively lazy and self-deluded individuals who rejoice in replacing all physical interactions…

In Brooklyn, a jury has begun deliberation in the trial of police officer Peter Liang, who fatally shot unarmed Akai Gurley in a housing project stairwell in 2014.

The story of a horrific gang rape in a Brooklyn playground took a bizarre and troubling turn Tuesday. Police sources told three separate newspapers that two of the teens charged in the attack said the 18-year-old victim was having sex with her father in the park. The teens recounted arriving and asking for “some of…

Four teenage suspects are in custody in a particularly horrifying gang rape in Brooklyn’s Brownsville neighborhood. An 18-year-old woman was walking in a playground with her father Thursday night when she was attacked by five people. A nearby deli owner told WNBC he refused to let her father use the phone to call for…

Sean Shaynak, formerly a math and science teacher at the elite Brooklyn Tech High School, pleaded guilty Tuesday to kidnapping, obscenity, and sexual abuse, among other crimes. Prosecutors say Shaynak sexually abused seven of his female students between 2011 and 2014; the kidnapping charge resulted from taking one of…

There’s a new sculpture at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge, hollering “YO.” Or is it hollering “OY”? Hm.

On Halloween night, comedian Akilah Hughes was at a bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, when, she says, a man in an afro wig began to harass her and her friends. They left, and by the end of the encounter, she alleges she’d been punched in the face outside the Crown Victoria, a bar just a block away, as security guards…

Cases of whooping cough, a.k.a. pertussis, have jumped in Orthodox Jewish communities in New York City.

The internet had various reactions yesterday to a dudefight between two white men in downtown Brooklyn. White Jogger told White Stroller-Pusher that he enjoys fighting “babies” like WSP, and, furthermore, “The only reason white people like you live here is because I settled this fucking neighborhood for you!” Classic.

Participants in the annual West Indian Day Parade dance their way down Brooklyn’s Eastern Parkway on Monday, September 7.

After pulling over a vehicle for having tinted windows, Brooklyn police officers found a loaded gun concealed inside of a fake Bible. At least they were creative!

One thing people like to do is reminisce about “old” New York and how much better it was seven/ten/20/80 years ago, or whenever they first arrived. And it was! New York is objectively bad now. But there’s an art to reminiscing, if you will, a good way to do it and the way Edward Zipco just chose. Oh, you don’t know…

If anyone knows of a micropeen whose dream is to sashay around on a stage, showing off their goods or lack thereof, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is looking for eligible contestants for its third annual competition. In a society where gigantic meat cannons are the ones usually celebrated, the pageant is a…

37-year-old Maggie Gyllenhaal was recently told by a Hollywood producer that she was “too old” to play the love interest of a 55-year-old man. In an interview with The Wrap, Gyllenhaal said she was surprised by the producer’s admission, but that it’s just one of the many “disappointing things about being an actress in…

In 2015, audiences have a fairly fixed idea of what constitutes a “pop” performance. In stadiums and arenas, we expect to be dazzled for the price of our often very expensive tickets, moved from our seats not just with excellent music but with magnificent light shows, elaborate choreography, otherworldly costuming.